


When It Stops

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: Blaine Anderson & Santana Lopez Friendship, Dancing, Famous Klaine, Future Fic, Infidelity, M/M, seblaine endgame, toxic klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 47,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: Blaine never meant to have an affair. Especially not when on paper, his life seems perfect. Here he is, his career booming, married to his high school sweetheart... and still, he feels empty.Until Sebastian steps into his life again, and he finds he just can't let go.As the world he's built on the foundation of his marriage keeps spinning around him, one question becomes more prominent.What happens when it stops?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 119
Kudos: 147





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "tumblr prompt: Do you have a plan to write on infidelity or Blaine having an affair with Sebastian for a long time then coming clean and leaving Kurt for him? Pretty please?"
> 
> I didn’t mean to write this, to be honest. After reading the prompt at first, I thought it wasn’t really for me, just because of the concept of Blaine having an affair. But then I thought about how things would have to be for him to have an affair, and somehow ended up writing half an outline, and suddenly I really wanted to write it.  
> So I started, and… it got a bit out of hand. I thought it was a oneshot, maybe 10k words, maybe a bit more. And then it got really out of hand. So yes, three part fic.  
> Assumes all of Glee was canon except for the five years later scenes.  
> Also, I haven’t actually watched Dancing with the Stars except for a few random episodes of my country’s version that I caught glimpses of when staying at my parents’ and I wasn’t exactly paying attention, so… please overlook my inaccuracies. Also about social media, I'm hopeless, I have a real life twitter and a fandom tumblr account and that's it.
> 
> Warning: less edited than usual because this thing got into my head and I may be going a bit crazy over it.  
> With apologies to Anna Kendrick.
> 
> Title is from “Lucky” by Britney Spears  
> Now with beautiful new title graphic by the wonderful @seblaineaddict on tumblr!

* * *

_@blainetheanderson tfw your love gets held up an ocean away  
#CancelSophia #MissYou #Klaine4Ever_

Attached was a gif of Sadness from Inside Out bursting into tears. Blaine stared at his phone and re-read his husband’s tweet again and again. It had been up for less than ten minutes and already had dozens of comments underneath. On first glance, it looked sweet. Their fans certainly seemed to love it. Still, when he had texted Kurt that his flight was cancelled, he would have expected a direct answer, not one sent out into the void of social media. Still, he pressed like and busied himself reading through a few of the comments. Most seemed supportive, wishing Blaine the best and hoping he’d make it through the storm okay, some offering comfort to Kurt in his loneliness.

He frowned when his eyes fell to a particular comment.

_at least the weather is on his side #saveblaine #hailsophia_

He put way the phone, not really interested in reading more. Kurt could take care of their social media presence for now. Blaine was exhausted.

It was supposed to be a quick thing, and really, he’d been honored to be invited to a charity ball in London. He’d performed with Harmony Livingston, up-and-coming West End darling, and it had been amazing. Still, travel had been stressful, he hadn’t had a lot of downtime, and by now, he was exhausted. He’d actually been looking forward to a few hours of sleep on the flight. He’d even tried to get Santana to book a direct flight, but the best she had been able to was one stop in Frankfurt, Germany, for a little under three hours.

Too bad Sophia, an unexpected winter storm, had different ideas. All flights for the rest of the night were cancelled, and Blaine found himself stranded at the airport, all plans basically shattered. It wasn’t that the staff wasn’t trying to help him. He was given a ticket for a flight tomorrow, when the storm was expected to have passed, and the airline had secured him a place at a nearby hotel.

Still, he was exhausted.

Sometimes, he wondered why he even bothered. But whenever he did, he couldn’t help the instinct of feeling that he might be ungrateful. In some ways, this was exactly what he had wanted back in high school. He was married to Kurt, he was a star on Broadway, the both of them basically famous not only for their art but also their marriage – the perfect gay American sweethearts, beloved by so many, a beacon of hope and acceptance. This was the dream.

Some nights, Blaine really would like to wake up.

The hotel at least wasn’t too far. The room was nice enough, very simple, very orderly, even though he didn’t quite understand why the airport had a hotel led by the national railway company. Still, it was functional enough.

Blaine looked at his phone again. There were some more tweets from Kurt, but they were about promoting Rebecca, the current show of Jacqueline Daniel’s production company. Blaine couldn’t help but grimace. It wasn’t that he had a problem with the show, but he just hated that his husband still insisted on being so closely connected to that company. It may have led to his first big break, but still… Another tweet about the show, combined with a veiled promise of something new coming soon. That last one had retweets from Jackie, as well as her partner Glenn.

Yeah, Blaine needed a drink.

As everything in the hotel, the best way to describe the bar was functional. The light was dim, there was soft music playing, and a handful of people were hanging around. Blaine sat down at the bar and started looking over the menu. He was relieved to see that most drinks were titled in English, followed by a description of the ingredients in both languages. But before he could decide on something, a glass was put in front of him. He frowned at the amber liquid, garnished with a thin slice of lime, then at the bartender.

“I didn’t order that,” he said.

The guy frowned, and Blaine panicked for a moment. He certainly didn’t know enough German for a discussion about a wrong order, but then the guy answered in a heavy accent.

“From the gentleman over there.“

Now, that was honestly a surprise. Sure, he’d been recognized occasionally, asked for a photo and an autograph, occasions that still got him excited, because how was that his life? Still, he hadn’t expected anyone in here to know who he was, or care enough to get him a drink. It didn’t help that he was beyond tired and wasn’t sure he was up to dealing with anyone. Still, he had to keep up an image, so he turned his head and looked across the bar.

Oh. Yes, he’d been recognized, and not for any show he’d done. Because… he recognized the other man as well. Looking him up and down, before meeting his eyes, was Sebastian Smythe.

Somehow, it felt like he stepped into a different dimension. How long had it been since he thought of the other man…? The answer came to his mind immediately, and he shuddered as he thought back to that time, one of the darkest in his life. After Kurt had broken their engagement, thrown him away out of the blue, and he’d been so lonely, and angry, and _hurting_ … oh, he’d thought of Sebastian, more than once. It couldn’t have been that hard, to call him up, to go see him, just for a night. Blaine had discarded the thought, never allowed himself to really think whether the impulse had come from wanting to hurt Kurt, or from wanting to feel wanted.

But now, here he was, Sebastian Smythe, tilting his head in a silent invitation. He looked good, if a bit tired. His jacket was thrown over his bar stool, and the shirt he was wearing was a bit wrinkled, the first two buttons open. His hair was a tousled, in that way Blaine could never really tell was on purpose or by accident. But he still looked at Blaine with that smile, just a bit too wide to not be genuine, as he raised his own glass in a silent toast.

Really, it wasn’t even a question. Returning the smile, Blaine took the glass and walked over.

“Hey stranger,” he said.

“Hey yourself,” Sebastian replied. “Looking good, Anderson.”

Blaine laughed, looking down as an all to familiar blush rose on his face. “I’m a mess,” he said.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian said, “I think I like you messed up.”

Blaine gaped, but then he couldn’t help the smile. “Same old Sebastian,” he said.

“I hope not,” Sebastian replied. “Believe it or not, I did some growing up.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Blaine said, raising his glass. “Thanks for the drink.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. See, I looked over the bar, and then I thought wait a minute…”

Blaine laughed, shaking his head. “I’m glad you did,” he said. “Although you’re probably the last person I would have expected here.”

“Funny how that works sometimes,” Sebastian said with a shrug, before raising his glass. “So… to unexpected meetings.”

“To serendipity,” Blaine said. Their glasses clinked, and he took a careful sip. He was greeted by a mix of different flavors, a dark and smoky body of what he guessed was whiskey, paired with the acidity of lemon and soothing sugar. He licked his lips, chasing the slightly sticky taste. “Whiskey Sour?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Thought you might like it.”

Blaine took another sip, considering it. He nodded, eventually. “I think I do.”

Sebastian’s smile was definitely too warm for a sad airport hotel bar, but then again, it had been too much for a bright lit coffee shop as well.

“I haven’t seen you in years,” he said, trying to come up with a harmless topic. “What brings you here?”

Sebastian sighed. “I just got finished with a gig in Moscow,” he said, “and now I’m on the way back to Ohio. My Dad’s getting married again.”

“Oh,” Blaine said. “Is that-?”

“It’s good,” Sebastian said. “Her name’s Evelyn, she’s a professor for economics. They’re actually good together. Just don’t let my Maman hear I said that.”

“Because you don’t want to hurt her?”

“Because I didn’t grin through dozens of family parties to be struck from the will this late in the game,” Sebastian replied.

That sounded like a minefield Blaine wasn’t quite comfortable getting into. “So, that gig you did… what was that about? What are you doing these days?”

Sebastian laughed, looking down in a rare moment of bashful embarrassment, and Blaine was suddenly struck by how… sweet he looked, when his guard faltered for once. “I’m doing choreography,” he said.

Blaine stared at him, taken aback. “What?” he asked, trying but failing to keep the laughter out of his voice.

“I know,” Sebastian said, holding up his hand in defense. “Trust me, I know.”

“You went on and on about picking something sensible,” Blaine said, and now he couldn’t help laughing at least a bit. “That arts were fine and all, but nothing to build your life on.”

“Nothing to build _my_ life on,” Sebastian replied, “I always had faith that _you_ could do it.”

And there was that blush again, that always seemed to come up around Sebastian. It had been a while since Blaine had felt it. Honestly… he might have missed it a bit. “You did,” he said. “But how did you end up in choreography?”

“More of an accident,” Sebastian said. “Blame college. I got a journalism degree, actually, but did dancing on the side. I had friends who did some sort of college musical, their choreographer dropped out, I owed someone a favor… and it was kind of fun, so I helped out the next year, too. It kind of spiraled from there and while I was sending out my resume to newspapers, I got an offer I couldn’t refuse, and… well, long story short, I stumbled into it and then realized it was actually fun. So here I am.”

“That sounds actually great,” Blaine said, “isn’t that how it should be? The thing you’re supposed to do finds you?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I wouldn’t go so far. It’s not fate, just a coincidence. Honestly, I’m considering changing careers at the moment.”

“Why?” Blaine asked. “You just sounded so… happy with it.”

“I am,” Sebastian said, “for now. It’s just not a career you get old in.”

“I doubt you’re too old for it yet,” Blaine said.

“I’m not, but I plan to be at some point,” Sebastian said. He shrugged. “I don’t know, it just seems like a smart idea to not leave my exit strategy to the last minute. I’ll start something else on the side, and once that’s established, I’ll switch.”

“You really thought about that.”

“I like to have a plan,” Sebastian said. “But the ones I have really aren’t too exciting at the moment. What about you?” Sebastian asked. “You’re still doing Frozen, right?”

“Yeah, I am,” Blaine said, surprised that Sebastian even knew about that. “We’re closing in three months, though. Wait… are you keeping up with my shows?”

For a second, Sebastian looked caught, but then he shrugged. “I do like talent,” he said.

Blaine hesitated. “Did you… happen to see any of them?” he asked.

“The West Side Story revival, obviously,” Sebastian said, “and also Kinky Boots. That was… interesting. You were amazing, though. Almost your best.”

“What _did_ you like best?” Blaine asked.

“That movie? You know, the one your friend from school did? Where you played the survivor in the zombie apocalypse?”

Blaine felt like his heart skipped a beat. “That’s your favorite?” he asked, his voice almost catching in his throat. “Everybody hated it.”

“You didn’t,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “It was so obvious that you loved that movie, even without watching any interviews. And it wasn’t bad, just… unusual. Sometimes a bit hard to follow with all the flashbacks, or hallucinations, or whatever they were. Plus, it didn’t follow the expected route, barely any action scenes, so I can see why it wasn’t that popular. Brought up some interesting questions, though. And you did _loneliness_ so well…”

“It felt real,” Blaine said. “How he just walked through the wasteland, and couldn’t stop projecting his past onto it, even if it wasn’t even as peaceful as he remembered. It was a lot more philosophical than people gave Artie credit for.”

Sebastian looked at him, still in thought. “Why did he do it in the end? Your character?” he asked. “Did he really believe he’d find happiness and solace with them? Or did he just want to end it?”

Blaine bit his lip. “I don’t know. I thought so much about it, but Artie wouldn’t tell me.”

“How did you play it?”

“That he doesn’t want to know.”

The thing about Sebastian was, he looked at Blaine like he understood. Weird, how unfamiliar that felt by now, when it should be so easy. Somehow, he’d gotten used to people not understanding him, or even ignoring his point, until it almost felt like a waste of time to even bring it up. It was easier to sit back and smile, let Kurt or Santana talk while he was the supportive husband. Pretty and silent, like a purse on Kurt’s arm…

This was different. Sebastian was listening. Even more, Sebastian was seeing him.

The conversation turned to easier topics, Sebastian talking about some shows he’d done, as well as what other Dalton alumni were getting up to, while Blaine got into Cooper’s exploits and the latest gossip on Broadway. Around them, the bar emptied, as they talked about drink after drink, as if no time was passing at all. So when they finished another round, it didn’t take much. Some excuse of a photo of a Warbler reunion that Sebastian had upstairs in his room, and that Blaine of course wanted to see, since he hadn’t been able to make it back then. Innocent, really, except they both knew it wasn’t.

Sebastian closed the door to an identical room behind them, talking about the photo and where he probably kept it, but Blaine was barely listening. With a last deep breath, he stepped right into Sebastian’s space, and kissed him.

Sebastian actually seemed surprised at first, but then he put his arms around Blaine, holding him close, as he kissed back.

He’d thought about it, imagined of course what it would be like to be with Sebastian. With that low-key bragging, how could he not? But he’d never allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy. He could just so imagine the sex, frantic and fast, even if he’d been sure it would be beyond anything he’d ever felt.

This, though. This was more what he would have imagined if he’d let go, allowed the thoughts and fantasies to take hold without drowning them in guilt. This was Sebastian holding him, sure of himself, no hesitance or doubt. This was Sebastian taking off his clothes, covering every inch of revealed skin with his lips, kissing down Blaine’s chest, warm, and wet, and taking every breath away.

It shouldn’t happen, and on some level, Blaine knew that he shouldn’t be doing this. But as he fell into the covers, the weight of Sebastian’s body pressing him into the sheets, it was oh so hard to think anything beyond _yes_ , and _more_.

“What do you want?” Sebastian asked, his voice rough, _wrecked_ , and even the question took Blaine by surprise, like he’d thought about it, like Sebastian could possibly have known he’d thought about it.

“You,” Blaine gasped as Sebastian moved against him, grinding together. It was the easy answer, the obvious one.

Sebastian stopped, and just… looked at him. His eyes were blown, just a small ring of green around his pupils, but the expression on his face was so tender that Blaine couldn’t breathe for a moment. Eventually, Sebastian sank down and kissed him, soft, and slow, and full of adoration.

“I’ve got you,” Sebastian whispered into his ear.

Blaine nodded, closed his eyes, and let himself fall.

* * *

Once upon a time, what felt like a lifetime ago, back in high school, Blaine had cheated on Kurt, and it honestly felt like dying. Not in the moment, but basically the second his orgasm had hit, he’d drowned in guilt. He’d rushed to New York to confess and beg Kurt for forgiveness, and it had gone as well as anyone could have expected.

That had been almost ten years ago.

Now, he and Kurt were married, still going strong if their social media presence was to be believed. It had taken them a while to get there, even if it had turned out to more chaotic than Blaine ever could have guessed. Kurt had ended their engagement, as apparently, he’d been unable to live with Blaine. It had taken several more months, and a very short and misguided relationship with David Karofsky of all people until Kurt had stepped up, and eventually won back Blaine’s trust. When they’d gotten married only a few days later, it had felt like fate. Like finally, they’d done it, and had reached their happy end.

It hadn’t been the end, of course. More of a new beginning. They’d returned to New York – Kurt to NYADA, and Blaine to NYU – and even while still in college they both had had started auditions, excited to live together, and hoping for a lucky break. It had been good at first. With both of them still flying on the high of their wedding and their students’ Nationals victory, it had felt almost like right in the beginning, when they’d just started dating. For a while, it had felt like being back in sophomore year, when everything had been new and special. They’d spent so much time together, even when attending different schools, and for once, Blaine felt secure in their relationship. It was like Kurt had learned the lessons of their breakup and was determined to not let Blaine slip away again.

But step by step, like it had every other time, life had come between them. As he’d done before, Kurt started to withdraw, focus on NYADA and his auditions. Blaine tried not to take it personal, busied himself with his own studies, finding new friends at NYU, and establishing himself – after all, he’d learned his lessons, too, and he knew he couldn’t center his whole life around Kurt. It would suffocate his husband, and he’d seen what it was like to put everything on one card and have that taken away all of a sudden.

Less than a year after their wedding, Blaine felt like they were back at the point they’d broken up. Even now, he sometimes thought that if it wasn’t for the rings, Kurt would have walked away at that point. Thankfully, a marriage was harder to walk away from than an engagement. Blaine wasn’t sure he would have been able to pick himself up another time.

That had been when Kurt met Jacqueline Daniels.

Jackie, as she preferred to be called, had always had a passion for gothic novels, as well as musicals. Eventually, thanks to the family wealth of her childhood friend Glenn Larson, she had started her own production company. Kurt had met her just as she was preparing her first show, a musical version of Dracula, and they’d immediately hit it off. Blaine hadn’t been convinced of the whole thing. Sure, Jackie seemed to know what she was doing, but her partner just gave him the creeps, always right on the border of inappropriate. Still, the production had been a success, the role of Jonathan Harker certainly putting Kurt on the map, and when Blaine himself was cast only a few weeks later in an Off-Broadway production of Avenue Q, he was too busy himself to have any closer contact with Jackie’s production anyway.

It had been stressful at first, getting used to the workings of such big shows, and for a while, Blaine hadn’t been sure they’d be able to make it. That was, until Santana had decided to get involved. Not only had she offered to keep them organized, but she’d also come up with the idea to have their marriage be the center of their marketing strategy. Suddenly, they weren’t just two young actors starting to make it, but an inspirational love story of young, gay love. High school sweethearts, who found each other again and again, and now stepped onto the stage, ready to take Broadway by storm.

To her credit, it had worked. With some help from Jackie as well as Jesse St. James, they’d staged an LGBT version of Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf, and the streak had continued with Kurt getting his biggest role so far, the lead in Dorian Gray. Blaine, on the other hand, had been quite happy with landing the lead role in Kinky Boots, which was a lot of fun, but certainly hadn’t made the kind of splash Kurt had with Jackie’s productions. Back then, Blaine had taken the development as a sign that he’d play the supporting part in this marriage. At the time, he’d been fine with that, just relieved that the new-found success seemed to have saved their relationship, probably in the nick of time. Kurt had become affectionate again, and his enthusiasm had returned. Kurt loved that life – he loved _life_ again – and Blaine felt like he’d do anything to preserve that joy for him. Of course, then his own career took another leap with the revival of West Side Story and the rest had been history.

It had been a whirlwind at first, and he definitely got caught up in the glamor of it all. Between the shows, increasing fame, and the rekindled romance in their marriage, Blaine thought they’d hit the jackpot. Everything seemed possible.

It had lost its luster soon enough. They both got buried in work, and the romance between them was more on social media than in real life. After West Side Story, Blaine went on to do other shows, but it didn’t hold the same spark. There were more roles, but none he was really passionate about. He’d grown restless, and suddenly it was a lot easier to understand Rachel and her sudden decision years ago to leave Broadway and do that weird sitcom.

Maybe that was the reason he’d agreed to do Artie’s movie. Santana had discouraged it, and Kurt had been less than happy with the idea of him flying off to Slovenia for weeks, but this time, Blaine had put his foot down. He’d loved the story, the idea, the visuals and atmosphere. In the end, he had to appeal to Kurt’s sense of nostalgia and Artie’s status as a New Directions alumnus, but he’d gone and shot the movie. He’d loved it, talked in length about it in interviews.

The feedback he mostly got was that he should have stuck to Broadway.

Artie had been a bit disappointed, but determined to keep at it until he broke through. His last two movies had been moderate successes, and there was always the tentative invitation that they could work together again, but Blaine was very aware of how difficult it would be to get that past Santana a second time. So he had followed the advice and gone back to Broadway. It wasn’t bad, but the former exhaustion, that the movie had broken for a little while, swallowed him again soon enough.

The more Blaine thought about it, the more he realized that this movie had been the last project he’d been passionate about. Even now, with Frozen, it had been more tiring than anything, even if he appreciated the opportunity. It felt… cold, in a way that was beyond ironic. Not that his marriage felt much better.

At least Kurt had his own career to pour his energy into. While he didn’t exactly appreciate the size of his role as Favell in Jackie’s current production of Rebecca, he at least seemed to enjoy getting to play a villainous character.

Kurt was at the theater, when Blaine returned from the airport. Their over styled Manhattan apartment felt even more impersonal when it was empty, but right nnow, Blaine was relieved to be alone. He had to get his head in order before facing Kurt, figure out how he wanted to deal with what had happened last night.

A lifetime ago, he’d cheated on Kurt, and it had broken the both of them. And back then, it hadn’t even been about the guy, or the sex, or feeling frustrated. Looking back, Blaine had been hurting, and maybe the guy had just been a way to punish himself, some way of self-sabotage that would at least give him a reason why his boyfriend couldn’t be bothered with him.

This was different.

Blaine was surprised himself that he could barely feel any guilt. He knew it was wrong. But he’d felt lonely for so long, freezing, sleepwalking through his life. Sebastian had torn through all of that, had seen him, listened to him, with color and warmth, and… Blaine had yearned for it, in a way he hadn’t even realized before Sebastian had touched him.

Kurt would never see it this way, wouldn’t forgive it, the fact that it had been Sebastian maybe even worse in his eyes than the cheating itself. If he knew…

But then again…

It didn’t mean anything. It was only one night in which Blaine had allowed himself to forget his life, and the loneliness of it all, just one night of indulgence to remember what it felt like to be wanted, and touched, just one what-if answered. Hadn’t he made sacrifices more than once for their marriage? Was it so bad to allow himself this one night of comfort?

It wasn’t right, he knew that, but still… It wouldn’t happen again. He’d just keep the memory, and take it to his grave, eventually. Besides, what good would a confession do them now? Kurt would be insanely hurt, if not his feelings, then certainly his pride. It would be an end to their marriage, and just the thought sent a shudder down Blaine’s spine. So much was resting on that, a divorce would send rifts through probably all aspects of both their lives, to consequences Blaine couldn’t even begin to predict. It was terrifying.

It would probably be terrifying for Kurt as well, maybe enough for him to not go through with it, to stay in this marriage even if he didn’t quite want it. They both had too much depending on it.

And all of that, just because of one night…

Oh, it was wrong, there was no doubt about it. The right thing would have been to never accept that drink, but he couldn’t take it back. Now, the only right thing was to confess to Kurt, throw himself at his husband’s mercy. But looking at the consequences… it would be right, but it would carry its own cruelty.

So no, he would not do the right thing. He would do the hard thing, and bury his guilt, and soldier on. He wouldn’t soothe his guilty conscience by putting the hurt on his husband. He would put it aside, and he would do better. But he would not stop.

In the evening, Kurt came home to a home-made quinoa salad with freshly baked bread and hummus. It was beautifully laid out, and the strong colors came out just beautifully on Instagram, especially that last picture with the both of them beaming at each other, clinking their wine glasses together for a toast. It looked gorgeous, and Santana couldn’t have staged it better.

When Blaine looked between the posts and the reality, with Kurt going on about the latest Broadway gossip that Blaine found himself less and less interested in, it almost felt like two different worlds. He checked back onto the comments.

Sometimes, he felt jealous of them. It would be nice if he could buy the illusions. But maybe that was the price they had to pay.

_be any cuter I dare you #klaine4ever #relationshipgoals_

_when you come back from the worst trip ever and your husband is waiting with dinner #CancelSophia #klaine4ever  
god I love them_

_when you come back and have to wait all day for acknowledgement because there’s more traffic in the evening. sounds super healthy #LOLklaine #saveblaine_

* * *

The thing that surprised Blaine the most as the weeks and months went past, was that nothing really changed. He actually managed to put that night with Sebastian away, lock it up in some corner of his mind that he didn’t think of, combined with the guilt but also the longing that came with the memory. He’d like to say that he kept his promise to be better in his marriage, but that too, barely changed. They lived alongside each other, supportive and outwardly sweet. Santana regularly showed up to boss them around and push them into media appearances, always keeping their brand as Broadway’s Sweethearts alive and in conversation.

Frozen ended, and Santana had immediately moved to push him towards the next show. Unfortunately, things fell through, and as spring settled in, he still didn’t have a new show lined up. Instead, he tried to get some enjoyment out of his break. Kurt on the other hand was buzzing with excitement, more often than not in talks with Jackie over whatever new show they’d planned.

It was probably a good thing he had something to get excited over. Honestly, Blaine felt a bit jealous about that feeling. Even now, with his break, he felt like he was floating. It would be nice to have something that he burnt for again.

It was in that mood that he read the news of Artie’s latest film getting an award, an inventive horror film that subverted genre expectations and surprisingly had become an instant favorite.

They were having brunch, very picturesque and all over their social media feed before Blaine had even gotten the opportunity to take one bite.

“Well, it’s good he’s going somewhere,” Kurt said with a shrug, once Blaine told him about the award. Clearly, he wasn’t too interested in hearing more. “Do you have to eat that?”

Blaine followed Kurt’s disapproving gaze to the few pieces of bacon on his plate, an all too familiar pit in his stomach opening. “It’s not like I eat it every day.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. It’s just… we’re not getting younger, we have to take care of our bodies.”

They weren’t even thirty yet, and it wasn’t like Santana didn’t have both of them on a rigid program. Still, it would be disheartening even if it didn’t scratch on old scars.

“I like bacon,” Blaine said eventually. “I’ll go jogging later. Besides, I already cooked it, didn’t hear you say anything then.”

“I was doing yoga,” Kurt replied. “And I’m not saying you can’t eat it. Just… we should pay attention to these things. And maybe this is a good time to take another look at our nutrition. But go ahead.”

Blaine bit his lip, poking around his plate with his fork. He picked up a piece of the bacon eventually. The taste was fine, of course it was, but he just didn’t feel good about it anymore.

“Although…” Kurt said, “there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about, and it may be the perfect solution to this problem.”

Suddenly, Blaine wondered if that was the whole point of bringing up the bacon – not because Kurt was worried about his eating habits or weight, but just to launch this next point of conversation. The thought didn’t make him feel better.

“Are we back to the idea of filming us doing a yoga routine together?” Blaine asked. It had been a random idea Sam had come up with once, but it had sounded like fun. That, at least, was something they both enjoyed doing

Kurt sighed in irritation and shook his head. “I have to focus on Rebecca, we’re almost through with our run. Not to mention that Jackie is already preparing her next production, and this time I’m going for the lead again. You, on the other hand, are between shows right now, and given our business it’s probably not the best idea to stay off the radar for too long.”

“I’m looking,” Blaine said. He hesitated before bringing it up, already sure that it would be shot down. But he’d thought about it for a while now, and this was as good a timing as any. “I could get in touch with Artie, see what he’s planning next.”

Kurt laughed at that, in the way that Blaine realized he’d come to hate, the one that said that he wasn’t actually amused, just wanted to make sure it was obvious how ridiculous he thought the idea was.

“I think helping him out once was enough,” Kurt said eventually, “and honestly, the things he’s up to lately might be nice for him, but they don’t really mesh that well with what we’re about, don’t you think?”

“Sure,” Blaine said, “you should absolutely tell him that at the next New Directions reunion.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m not saying it has no value, or that it’s not art. It’s just… we have an image, Blaine. And as mundane as it may be, our careers kind of depend on it. But don’t worry, Santana had a great idea.”

“And what’s that?” Blaine asked.

“Dancing with the Stars.”

“Oh.” Blaine looked at him and didn’t even try to hide his confusion.

Kurt’s face fell. “You don’t love it.”

“Just… I didn’t expect it,” Blaine said. “Isn’t that in Los Angeles?”

“Not this season, they’re changing it up and shooting in New York,” Kurt replied.

“It’s just… Dancing isn’t exactly my strongest suit,” Blaine said. He did well enough in his shows with rigid training, but even five minutes of watching Brittany or Mike Chang dance showed him just how lacking he was.

But Kurt wouldn’t have it. “All the better, maybe this will even get you into better shape, and you can go straight to a show with more dancing? That would be a pretty good publicity, don’t you think?”

“Why would they even want me on the show, I’m not that famous,” Blaine said.

“I mean, we’re not in the single-digit seasons anymore,” Kurt said with a shrug, “also, they actually had Anna Kendrick booked, but she had that bouldering accident, and well… Santana was at the right place at the right time, so she booked it for you.”

“Wait, booked?” Blaine asked. “Was she going to ask me?”

“She had to decide quickly,” Kurt said, frowning at him. “It’s a good thing she’s looking out for us. At least it’s better than if she was working against us.”

“Don’t you think she’s being a bit too controlling sometimes?”

“Obviously,” Kurt replied, “but it’s working. So far, her instincts have been spot on. And she has a very good point. This show would be good for your career. Unless there is a reason you don’t want to do it?” Kurt asked.

Laid out like that, Blaine couldn’t really think of something. “I guess it could be fun,” he said eventually.

“See, that’s the spirit,” Kurt said. “I’ll let Santana know.”

As Blaine picked up another piece of bacon, he wondered just what he was getting himself into.

* * *

Blaine wasn’t completely convinced this was the best idea, but when Santana told him to meet her at the studio, so he could get a first look before the show started, he agreed without discussion.

As they walked around the stage, he could feel his nerves die down. Even if he wasn’t sure that this was the best move right now, it probably wouldn’t be awful. Dancing would probably be fun, and some more training wouldn’t be the worst.

“Trust me, this is going to be great,” Santana said, clearly picking up on his mood.

“If you say so,” Blaine replied. He had learned long ago that arguing with her didn’t lead anywhere. In the end, she’d get her way.

“We’re a bit early, so you have the opportunity to meet your tutor,” Santana said. “Most other contestants did so already.”

“Wait, it’s not a surprise?”

“Why would it be?” Santana asked. “Nobody is fans of choreographers and dance teachers. Nobody cares.”

Blaine wasn’t quite sure if that was true, but he really saw no point in arguing.

“Besides, even if it usually was, in this case I feel like it warrants a warning. I don’t want you put on the spot in the middle of the show.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Blaine asked, as she led him down a corridor and into what looked like a smaller dance studio. It wasn’t empty, there was already a man standing there and stretching. One look at his form was enough for Blaine to freeze up, even before he turned around, a smile blooming on his face as he saw them.

“Hello, Blaine. Shaqueera,” he added with a nod.

“Skellington,” she said, before turning towards Blaine, who could only stare at the man in front of him. “Yeah, and that’s exactly why I wanted you to meet him first. That would not go over well on live television.”

Before Blaine could say something, her phone started ringing. She frowned as she answered.

“Brittany? What is it? What? Cannibal infestation? Wha… No, honey, we’ve been over this, Cheerio cereal has nothing to do with Cheerio cheerleaders. Yes, I know that-“ She sighed, shaking her head. “I’ll be right back,” she said, before she walked out, trying to calm down her wife.

Suddenly, Blaine was very aware that he was alone in a room with Sebastian, and it was impossible not to think back to the last time they’d seen each other. Blaine felt a blush rising in his face just at the memory of Sebastian’s scent, how rough his voice had sounded…

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the memory. Bad idea. Like he wasn’t vulnerable enough.

“You’re my tutor?” he asked instead.

“Looks like it.”

“Is this on purpose?” Blaine asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth almost without his control.

Sebastian frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Is this about what happened in January?”

“What?”

“Look, Sebastian, I… that was… I’m married, okay? I have a whole life, I can’t risk that. That night was a mistake. And now you show up here… is this… did you plan this?”

“Yes, Blaine, this was all part of my masterplan to destroy your marriage,” Sebastian said, the sarcasm so thick it could be cut with a knife. “First I arranged a storm, stranded you at the same airport as me, overcame your defenses by the evil seduction method of – let me check my notes – have a few drinks and talk to you, then I came back, got hired at this show as tutor for Anna Kendrick, followed her and threw her off her bouldering wall, and then arranged for you to be hired instead, all so I can watch you lose your cool and mess up your marriage.” He stopped, and just looked at Blaine, letting the absurdity of what he’d just said speak for itself.

And really, he had a point. Blaine felt himself deflating.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but there was a fond smile in his face. “Got that out of your system?”

Blaine nodded. “Sorry, I shouldn’t… you did nothing wrong, I guess I was just a bit… taken by surprise.”

“Good thing Santana insisted we talk this through first,” Sebastian said, “although that’s probably more about the whole rock salt slushie thing.”

“Probably,” Blaine said. There was no way Santana knew anything about that night, he was reasonably sure of that. “I just-“

“You don’t want to mess up your marriage,” Sebastian said. “I get it. And don’t worry about me. It’s cool. We had fun, we don’t ever have to talk about it again, if that’s what you want. I’m just here as your dance tutor, and I promise to stay professional.”

“I thought you wanted to get out of dancing.”

“Yeah, preferably on a high note,” Sebastian said. “Winning this thing sounds pretty good, don’t you think? So, don’t worry. Because that is something _I_ don’t want to mess up. The only question is, do you think you can work with this? With me?”

Blaine hesitated. With the first moment of shock overcome, he could actually think about it. He wasn’t worried that Sebastian would tell anyone about what happened. Really, he’d probably have to worry more about himself, his own reactions and lack of a poker face. And he’d managed so far.

The question was whether he could trust himself around Sebastian. But then again, what was the alternative? Dropping out now would not only earn him Santana’s wrath but also look really suspicious.

Sebastian promised to be professional. Well, Blaine could be professional, too.

It wouldn’t be too bad. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like he could do it. So eventually, he nodded, and smiled at Sebastian.

“Yeah, I think so. Okay.”

* * *

“This is _not_ okay!”

Yeah, Blaine should have seen this coming. Still, he was a bit surprised at the ferocity of his husband’s reaction. Kurt was literally pacing in front of him. Blaine sank back into the pillows of the couch and waited.

“Of all people in the entire world, how is this even possible?” Kurt asked.

“It’s a coincidence,” Blaine said.

“Coincidence? With Sebastian Smythe? Are you kidding me?!”

“What do you suggest?” Santana said, rolling her eyes. “He signed onto the program before Blaine was booked. He was supposed to be partnered with Anna Kendrick, remember? Or do you think he threw her off her bouldering wall on the off chance that he can dance with some guy who used to go to his old school?”

“A guy he was obsessed with,” Kurt spat out.

“He wasn’t obsessed with me,” Blaine said. “He liked me.”

“Liked you?” Kurt snorted. “More like would have liked to see you naked. Not like he had any intention beyond that.”

Blaine felt the urge to protest but squashed it down. After all, that discussion wouldn’t lead anywhere. Kurt didn’t know Sebastian, had never bothered to. Of course, he wouldn’t believe that Sebastian had cared about him, no matter how obvious it was to Blaine.

“I don’t see Prince Eric here complaining,” Santana said, clearly unimpressed by Kurt’s tantrum. “And the contracts are signed, anyway. So maybe untwist your panties and get with the program.”

“I’m not okay with this!”

“It’s not your decision,” Santana replied. “Listen up, Princess, keeping your America’s Gay Sweethearts image up is hard enough as it is, and if Brittany didn’t have this weird investment in the two of you, because she thinks you’re some sort of canary-in-the-coal-mine omen for our marriage I would have raided your bank accounts to buy a yacht and sailed off to the Caribbean _years ago_. The point is, this marriage is what put you on the map, and if you didn’t have the whole gay high school sweetheart story going on, don’t think anybody would care about either of you. And no amount of sucking up to Jackie Daniels is going to come even close to the boost Frodo here is giving you, just by sitting idly by and smiling, as you wail your way through the canon of Tina Cohen-Chang’s favorite childhood novels. Which, by the way, people notice, and they’re not happy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt asked.

“It means Blaine needs a win,” Santana said. “And something better than playing the blandest Disney villain ever, which was not what his fans wanted to see. They want him up on a stage, smiling, and looking like he has the time of his life. And your place is in the audience, happy as Berry hearing her own voice, and cheer him on, including at least weekly interviews about how of course he’ll win this, and you couldn’t be more proud of him.”

“So my role is the trophy husband?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Santana said, “consider it an acting job, one where you can really stretch those acting muscles, because I want you to look like you’re loving it. It’s called reciprocity, baby. We’ve had enough of Blaine putting on a smile when asked about your dumb Dark Universe gigs, it’s time you return the favor.”

“Seriously?” Kurt asked. “This again? I told you, I’m so sick of this poor Blaine narrative.”

“Save Blaine, that’s the hashtag,” Santana shot back. “Ever wondered where it’s coming from?”

Kurt stared at her, before turning towards Blaine.

“What? I didn’t start it,” Blaine protested.

“No, you’re just sitting here like the sacrificial lamb without saying a word,” Santana replied. “Again, people notice. Anyway, I’m done discussing this. You,” she pointed to Blaine, “are going to do the show and do whatever Timon the Meerkat tells you to do in order to win. And you-“ She threw a deadly look towards Kurt, “are going to sit down, watch, and smile about it. And if either of you have a problem, say bye-bye to your bank accounts and hello to my new yacht which I will use to dump your asses here, comprenden?”

For a moment, Kurt looked appalled, but at her threat, he seemed to withdraw. He knew, of course he knew, that they were nothing without Santana. Eventually, he sighed.

“It’s just… does it have to be Sebastian Smythe?”

“I know you don’t like him,” Blaine said, “but honestly… you have nothing to worry about.”

A part of him felt hypocritical. Kurt certainly wouldn’t see it that way if he knew what had happened between them in that airport hotel. But really, it wasn’t exactly a lie. That had been a one-time thing, Blaine had no intention of beginning an affair with Sebastian. Besides, it wasn’t like he’d give up on his marriage. Not now, after everything. Too much was depending on it.

“Fine,” Kurt said eventually, “if it really has to be that way…”

“Cool,” Santana said. “And you have a week to make that smile believable, otherwise I’ll sic Berry on you.”

* * *

_“So, Kurt, I’m sure you’ve been dying to talk about it. How gorgeous was Blaine on stage?”_

_“Well, obviously I’m biased here, but he honestly did such a great job. He’s always been like that, you know? Even back in high school, our show choir did this extra dance training. He didn’t even have to go, but he was so enthusiastic and invested that he went voluntarily.”_

_“That’s right, the high school sweethearts. So, what do you think of his tutor? Any worries that he has a male partner, who from what I’ve heard is not only gay but also single?”_

_“Ahahaha. You’re so funny. No, no worries here. None whatsoever.”_

_“Um… okay. I hear Shelly is about to go live with Anna Kendrick, let’s see what she has to say, and more importantly how she’s doing after her accident.”_

_wow, no jealousy detected @KurtElizabethHummel #dancingwiththestars #LOLklaine_

_@s.smythe gay and single, huh? #allthegoodones #dancingwiththestars_

_it’s called chemistry and i’m here for it #dancingwiththestars #seblaine_

_eh, it’s no #blam but ok #dancingwiththestars #saveblaine_

_It’s called true love, look it up #DancingWithTheStars #Klaine4Ever #SamcedesRule_

* * *

“See, that wasn’t so bad, right? The show was entertaining enough, Little Red Riding Hood did not faint into the arms of the big bad wolf Sebastian Smythe, you sat in the audience and smiled, and you even sounded happy in the interview. Gotta hand it to you boys, great job I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Santana was lounging on the couch in their living room, for once clearly happy with not only the situation, but also them, and of course, above all those, herself.

“You make it sound like we have no capacity of acting civil, or like we fight in public all the time,” Kurt said, “you could give us some credit.”

“I don’t believe in false compliments,” Santana said, “and open fighting isn’t the problem. You have more of a cold war thing going on.”

“I’m sick and tired of having the internet weigh in on the state of our marriage,” Kurt said.

“Yeah, well, get over it, Princess. You have a public marriage, and it’s going to be that way for as long as you both are in the public eye. Or as long as you’re married, whatever lasts longer. Love it or hate it, this is your brand.”

“Wonderful,” Kurt said, glaring at her. “Hope that show is really worth it.”

“Is it really that bad?” Blaine asked.

“Oh, no, it was wonderful watching that snake paw at you for five minutes,” Kurt said.

“It was dancing, Kurt, will you get over it,” Blaine said. “Besides, it’s not like you have anything else to do at the moment, with Jackie taking off on her tour.”

Now that Rebecca had ended, she was in the middle of planning her next show. In order to drum up more excitement, she’d decided to take Dorian Gray on a tour again, and Blaine wasn’t too sad to hear that she and her production crew would be out of town for a few weeks.

It was then that Blaine realized something else, something evasive about the way Kurt looked around the room. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“What’s with the look?” Santana asked.

For a moment, it looked like Kurt wanted to play it off, but then he shrugged, something defiant in the line of his shoulders. “I talked to Jackie yesterday, after your show,” he said. “She asked me again about the tour, and… Well, it would be best to stage it with the actor who originated the role, so… I gave in, I agreed to come along.”

Santana actually sat up straight at that. “What?”

“So, what, you’re just taking off for a few weeks?” Blaine asked.

“Did you not listen to a word I said about your image?” Santana asked.

“Look, it’s not that I’m not supportive,” Kurt said, “but it’s not like Blaine needs me sitting in the audience every week. Besides, when the show is over, we still have to continue our careers. And honestly, sticking to Jackie never let me down so far.”

“You’re just trying to suck up to get cast in her next show,” Santana said.

“It’s called networking,” Kurt said, “besides, this is perfect timing, Blaine. You’re busy with your dancing show for now, and who knows, maybe you can even join me for the last few shows. That would also show unity, right?”

Blaine’s jaw dropped open at the implication. “You think I’ll fail.”

“Not fail,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes, “I’m just saying, how likely is it that you win this? In all likelihood you’ll be on the show like what, maybe two or three weeks, and then you can come fly out to Los Angeles for the last performances of Dorian Gray, and you know that Jackie throws the best parties, especially after a tour. God knows we could use some fun.”

Just the thought of being at a party, surrounded by alcohol, attended by Jackie’s sleazy partner, was enough to make Blaine feel slightly sick.

“What?” Kurt asked, noticing something change in his expression.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to make it,” Blaine said, looking up in defiance. “I have a show to do, and I have no intention of getting voted out anytime soon.”

Kurt sighed, shaking his head. “This isn’t an attack on you, Blaine. I’m looking out for the both of us. You have to see this, right?”

“What _I_ see is that you’re bailing the second it’s not about you,” Santana said. “Or at least that’s what I’m _going_ to see all over your feed. Do you have some secret stock in that #saveblaine hashtag?”

“You’re being absolutely ridiculous,” Kurt said, “and I don’t have to listen to this. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to meet Jackie to discuss the details of the tour. Unless that too is bailing all of a sudden.”

Blaine supposed once upon a time, that would have angered him. Now, he just felt tired. He sighed in frustration, as his husband slammed the door on his way out. 

“Can you believe this guy?” Santana asked, glaring at him. “Is he trying to make my job more difficult?”

“What do I know?” Blaine replied. “Honestly, I’m amazed he’d even consider leaving town, with Sebastian _pawing all over me_ , or whatever.” He sighed again. “I do know one thing, though. I don’t want to join that tour.”

Santana looked at him, just a twitch in her right eye betraying that more was going on inside her head, like she understood a whole deal more than she let on. Her lips twitched into a smirk.

“Well, in that case I suggest you start bringing your A game.”

* * *

  
The other contestants, tutors and judges had left already, leaving the cleaning crew to do their job. The show had been… well, it hadn’t been a disaster. But this time, it had been close. That had almost been it, almost been the end. He’d mis-stepped, of course he had. He’d tried, but maybe the pressure had been too much. He’d just not been good enough.

So, he stayed behind in the studio, and repeated the motions again, and again, until at some point he’d get the damn step right already.

“Not bad,” a voice said.

Blaine looked up, not even surprised to see Sebastian walking up to him.

“I messed it up,” he said. “I was trying to fix it.”

“What for?” Sebastian asked. “It will be a completely different dance next week. You’re wasting your time.”

Blaine’s shoulder slumped. He knew that, of course. Still, he’d felt like he had to do something. He hated that feeling, that sinking pull in his stomach that told him the one thing he was more afraid of than anything else. _Not good enough._ “I don’t know what I’m even doing here,” he said as he sank against the mirror covering the whole wall. I’m not a dancer.”

“You danced, it looked good,” Sebastian said. He hesitated a moment, before sitting down beside him. “This is supposed to be fun, Blaine. Nobody expects you to dance like you studied it for years. Only like you put serious effort into training in a very short time. So maybe this just wasn’t your dance. It happens. It was still good enough to get you into the next round, and next week it’s a new game. We’ll try again. It will be okay.”

“Sure,” Blaine said. He still wasn’t convinced, but he doubted protesting would help much. Besides, he didn’t want to look like he was fishing for compliments.

“Can I ask you something?” Sebastian asked after a moment of silence.

“Sure.”

“Again, this is supposed to be fun. And at first… I thought it was. When we were training… the first shows… you really seemed to be enjoying yourself. But tonight, it was different. What changed?”

Wasn’t that the million-dollar question… But Blaine didn’t have to think too long before answers started flooding in. There was the contrast between the way Kurt talked in the interviews, loving and supportive, and then still turned around and went on his dumb tour, because he didn’t believe Blaine could actually do it. There were the recurring remarks about Sebastian and his supposedly dubious intentions, that only kept reminding Blaine of how much he’d messed up, even when he tried to put it out of his mind. There was the mere prospect of having to join Kurt on his tour and to spend time with Jackie’s production team. And of course, again and again, that feeling of just not being good enough.

That was probably the easiest part of the whole thing.

“I don’t know,” Blaine said, avoiding Sebastian’s eyes. “Perfectionism, maybe. I really wanted to get this right. Show that I can do it, you know?”

“Hey,” Sebastian said, taking his hand and taking him by surprise. Blaine looked up, and almost couldn’t breathe under the intensity of his gaze. “You _can_ do this. You’re doing great, actually. A few missteps don’t change that.”

Suddenly, Blaine was very aware of how close they were sitting together, Sebastian’s eyes a gleaming emerald.

“I can’t mess up,” he said, his voice lower than intended. He wasn’t even sure anymore if he was talking about the dance steps.

Sebastian watched him for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, his lips twitched up in a smirk. “We could always cheat.”

Blaine stared at him. “What?”

Sebastian laughed, shaking his head. “And there he is, the bashful schoolboy I missed so much. Relax, I’m not talking about actual cheating. I’m talking about putting in extra training.”

“You mean beyond what’s scheduled?” Blaine asked.

“Exactly,” Sebastian said. “It’s not forbidden. Or discouraged. Honestly, several contestants have done it and even when it came out, it was usually seen as a sign of commitment.”

Well, that certainly sounded better than cheating. “You think it will help?” Blaine asked.

“I’m not sure it’s necessary,” Sebastian said. “But I think it would help you feel more comfortable. So yeah. It will help.”

“Okay,” Blaine said. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

When Sebastian helped him back to his feet, for the first time that night he almost felt like it would be alright.

* * *

They’d considered staying at the dance studio, but Blaine didn’t feel too comfortable there. Besides, he hoped to keep these lessons secret. Even after just three shows, there were enough people interested in the chemistry between him and his dance tutor. When going through their social media, he kept seeing #seblaine more often, mostly alongside the #saveblaine that he still wasn’t sure what to think about. It didn’t mean anything, of course, except he knew that Kurt read them all and was less than happy about it.

His own apartment was out, too. No way would Kurt be okay with him inviting Sebastian there, even if he had no intention of telling him about these private sessions. Really, Sebastian’s place had been the only logical choice. So, on Monday after dinner, he found himself walking into Sebastian’s apartment.

Honestly, he liked it. Kitchen and bedroom both were tiny, allowing for a bigger living room with mostly minimalist furniture and only few decorative touches. There were a few pictures of Sebastian and his family, one that Blaine couldn’t look away from showing Sebastian and his older sister, probably from their father’s wedding.

“It’s not much,” Sebastian said with a shrug that seemed just a little too casual.

“It looks great,” Blaine replied.

“Cool. If we push the couch aside, we have some space to dance in,” Sebastian said. “And I know, it’s not enough to do the whole routine, but that’s not the point anyway. We’ll train for that at the studio and on the stage. This is for the details. We won’t need that much space.”

“You’re the expert,” Blaine said.

A few minutes later, he found himself in the middle of Sebastian’s living room, just standing there as he tried to prefect his posture. Sebastian gave him a moment until he was ready, before taking Blaine’s right hand, his own resting on Blaine’s side.

Blaine felt his breath hitch just the slightest bit, but he tried to play it cool. Still, he’d have to get a grip on himself. Except, dancing like this meant standing all too close to the other man, and he was suddenly very aware that they were all alone in Sebastian’s apartment.

“We do the opening figure, okay?” Sebastian asked.

Blaine nodded, as the music started playing, waiting the first few beats until he could feel the slightest squeeze of Sebastian’s hands on his skin, and started moving.

Waltz wasn’t an overly complicated dance, and if it hadn’t been for the disaster of last week, Blaine probably wouldn’t have asked for extra lessons for this. The steps were easy enough.

And still, it didn’t turn out right. Something felt off, he couldn’t move fast enough, or with the right flow. The more he tried, the more he got into his own way, making him grow more frustrated with every turn. Maybe this whole thing had been a dumb idea from the start. What was he even doing, taking part in a dancing show?

“We can take a break,” Sebastian said eventually, after the song had played for what felt like the twentieth time. Clearly, he too was getting frustrated.

“I’m sorry, I… I don’t know what the problem is,” Blaine said, shaking his head. “I can’t get it right, can I? I just feel like something’s off.”

“Obviously,” Sebastian said, running a hand through his hair, a bit frustrated, almost like he knew exactly what the problem was. “Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”

Blaine looked to his feet. Yeah, that much was obvious. “The show?” he asked, even though he was sure it was the answer.

Sebastian sighed, and he sounded even more frustrated. “Not the show. _This_. After-hours practice. In my apartment of all places.”

“Do you want me to go?” Blaine asked. He couldn’t quite tell what Sebastian’s problem was.

“Obviously not,” Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. “But it’s clear you’re uncomfortable.”

“What? No,” Blaine said. “I’m not, seriously.” He had no reason to be uncomfortable. There was no problem with being here, and he knew his tutor didn’t have any hidden intentions. Honestly, he felt safe around Sebastian, trusted him to stay professional. Unfortunately, he was also very aware that they were alone in his apartment, dancing together, close enough to feel each other’s breath, holding each other, and…

And Sebastian was still gorgeous. And January suddenly didn’t feel so far away anymore. And dancing suddenly took a lot more self-control than Blaine had been ready for.

“Have you ever heard of body language?” Sebastian asked. “You’re definitely under tension.”

“But I-“

“You’re trying so hard to control yourself, it just messes it all up.”

“I trust you,” Blaine said quickly, taking his hand without thinking.

For a moment, Sebastian looked like he wanted to protest, but then he tilted his head, as if he’d gotten a new idea. “Do you trust yourself?” he asked.

It knocked the breath right out of Blaine.

Sebastian was watching him, maybe waiting for an answer that Blaine couldn’t think of. His expression softened, and he stepped closer again.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Relax, Blaine.”

Blaine felt like a deer in the headlight, but he nodded. Again, Sebastian took his hand and took hold of his side, as Blaine let his own left rest on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Breathe,” Sebastian said. “That’s all. Can you do that?”

Blaine nodded, unable to take his eyes from Sebastian’s. The music was still playing in the background, the same song on repeat.

“Relax,” Sebastian said, “it’s okay. Nothing’s happening. Just feel the music, focus on yourself. Don’t be afraid. I’ve got you.”

Slowly, Blaine found himself relax, the rigidity of his posture melting away under their intermingling breathing, the soft notes playing around him. Only once he was completely calm, Sebastian started to correct his posture, holding him up a bit straighter, raising his head the slightest, soft, small movements. And Blaine let him, trusting him that this was okay.

“Like this?” Blaine asked.

“Good,” Sebastian said. “Take a moment to remember this.”

Blaine closed his eyes, focused on how he held his arms, his back, the way his weight rested more on the balls of his feet. When he was sure he got it right, he nodded.

A moment later, Sebastian had stepped away, leaving him colder than he would have expected.

“Okay, again,” Sebastian said, and Blaine stepped towards him, back into position.

They did that a few more times, until there were no adjustments necessary. Just stepping into Sebastian’s hold, almost an embrace, made Blaine stand up straight, take on the position he was supposed to have. Only then did they start to move again – not the full choreography, just a simple, small waltz around Sebastian’s living room.

When the song ended, Blaine realized he was smiling.

Sebastian looked at him, proud and clearly happy with the both of them. “Like that,” he said.

“That was good?” Blaine asked, even though for once, he was pretty sure it had been.

Sebastian was still so close, holding him, and the smile was too personal, but Blaine was done with running away.

“Flawless,” Sebastian said, so low that it was almost a whisper.

This right here was the moment he should have been afraid of. His last chance to run. The moment when the spinning stopped, and he’d fall one way or the other.

But was it really up to chance? When he was closer to Sebastian than he’d been to anyone in so long, when he felt seen, and _touched_ … he’d had no idea how much he’d longed to be touched.

This was the moment he should have been afraid of. But there wasn’t even an echo of fear.

The second he moved, Sebastian put his arms around him. Blaine brought their lips together, and it felt almost like Sebastian was sighing into he kiss. Like he’d been waiting for this, maybe since that night in January, or maybe even longer. In that moment, Blaine couldn’t care that it was wrong. Not when Sebastian was here, holding him, his mouth wet and warm and welcoming, like coming home after a too long journey.

He should have known it would end like this, stumbling into Sebastian’s bedroom, clawing at their clothes as they fell into bed, Sebastian kissing over every inch of his skin, his hands rough as they held him, his mouth on him, warm, and tight, and wet… it was too much, too close, too hot and not nearly enough, but all he could do was gasp Sebastian’s name as the other man sucked around him. His hand grabbed into Sebastian’s hair, and after a moment he pulled off, moved up, and met Blaine’s lips in the kiss he was so desperate for.

“Perfect,” Sebastian gasped, and Blaine swallowed up the words. He grabbed Sebastian’s shoulder and rolled him over, grinding down against him as their kiss deepened. At some point, he could feel Sebastian’s hand around him, moving quickly, just on the side of too rough, but even that he chased, and he followed, still kissing as he stroked Sebastian until their rhythm faltered, getting close. With all the little self-control Blaine had left, he managed to hold on just another moment, just long enough to see Sebastian’s face go slack, pure bliss on his face, coming down with a groan, before he followed under a string of curses and _yes_ and _Sebastian_ , collapsing onto his chest, his mind blissfully blank.

It could have lasted a minute, or an hour or an eternity, but unfortunately not forever.

As he lay there, his breathing growing calmer every moment, the guilt began to rise. This was bad. This was beyond bad. That one time… he could have worked with that – pretend it hadn’t happened, that it didn’t mean anything, just a one-time fluke. This, though…

And he had told Kurt not to worry.

Even as the panic started to claw at his heart, Sebastian stroked over his back, into his hair, just soft motions, rubbing circles into his scalp.

“It’s okay,” Sebastian muttered into his hair.

It wasn’t, Blaine knew that, but it felt so good to hear it. Blaine raised his head and looked into Sebastian’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Sebastian looked at him with such a softness in his eyes that Blaine felt warmth rush all over him. Slowly, the tiniest smile appeared on Sebastian’s face.

Blaine bowed forward, softly kissing his lips. Maybe he damned himself, and maybe he was damning himself further, but right now, with those warm eyes on him, Sebastian holding him safe and solid, all he could feel was calm. If he could, he would stay right here in this moment, and not only because he knew things would take a turn for the worse once he left.

Eventually, though, he had to. Sebastian was lying back, his expression unreadable as Blaine gathered his clothes and got dressed. When he was done, Blaine turned towards him. Sebastian was frowning, a challenge in his eyes as he looked up to Blaine.

“Let me guess,” he said, his voice dispassionate in a way Blaine instantly hated, “this was a mistake, nobody can ever find out, this will never happen again?”

All the things Blaine was supposed to say and mean. But maybe it was too late for _supposed to_ anyway. So he walked back, and sat down on the mattress. Almost against his will, he let his hand stroke over Sebastian’s cheeks, clearly confusing the other man.

“I don’t know,” Blaine said eventually.

Again, Sebastian’s gaze softened. “But you do.”

There were a million reasons to walk away, to shut this down. He didn’t even know why he’d come back, not when this was betrayal of his marriage, of the life he’d built, that house of card that always felt so close to falling down.

He didn’t know why. But yes, he knew he would.

He kissed Sebastian once more. “I do,” he said, and with one last smile, he got up and left the apartment.  
  


* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to dedicate this chapter to procrastination, insomnia, and my total lack of self-discipline.  
> also, with apologies to joey batey. again.

* * *

_“…blown away by Blaine Anderson, and a slow waltz so swoony it should put most weddings to shame, another confirmation of his reputation as the true Disney Prince of Broadway…”_

_that’s it. he’s magic. @blainetheanderson is magic #dancingwiththestars_

_I’m absolutely stealing this dance for if I ever get married #dancingwiththestars #waltzingblaine_

_think their wedding dance was anything like that? @blainetheanderson @kurtelizabethhummel #klaine4ever #dancingwiththestars_

_didn’t they get married in a barn? #lolklaine_   
_maybe for his next wedding_

_shouldn’t take too long, that was some *intense* chemistry #dancingwiththestars #seblaine_

_Ugh, not this again. He’s being professional. #Klaine4Ever #DancingWithTheStars_

_eh this time I’m with the #seblaine crowd. that was hot._

_they’re totally doing it #seblaine #saveblaine_

_is that why @kurtelizabethhummel fucked off to do some lame musical tour? #lolklaine_

_ahahaha you’re so funny #lolklaine #saveblaine_

_here’s a challenge – say #saveblaine 10 times reaaally fast and see what you end up with  
#seblaine_

* * *

After Saturday’s show, Blaine had been too exhausted to do much more than fall into bed and pass out, blissfully floating in the euphoria of the success.

If he’d been worried about any awkwardness between him and Sebastian at the first rehearsal after their tryst, they’d proven to be completely unwarranted. All it had taken was stepping back into the other man’s arms, and it had just been… natural. Only a fraction of that chemistry translated to their dance was enough for Blaine to forget about all his worries, just move, and feel, and…

Have fun.

It was only in the morning, when he saw a call from Kurt coming in, that reality broke back into that bubble he created for himself.

“I hear congratulations are in order,” Kurt said, “moving on the next round and all that?”

“Yeah, well, guess I wasn’t voted out quite yet,” Blaine said. He wasn’t even sure why he was being antagonistic. He really had no leg to stand on here. 

“It’s not that I don’t believe in you,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes so obviously that he could see it through the screen. “I was just saying, _if_ you’re free sooner, it would be great for you to join us on the tour. Jackie even invited you, and Glenn mentioned it was such a pity you wouldn’t be able to make it.”

“I’m sure he was in tears,” Blaine said. Jackie’s partner was a sleaze, definitely sleeping with at least three actors, and Blaine very much couldn’t stand the way the man was looking at him, always trying to get near him. He hadn’t exactly done anything Blaine could point to, but he felt so uncomfortable around Glenn. Another thing he and Kurt didn’t agree about.

“You know he’s harmless,” Kurt said, again dismissing concerns Blaine got tired of voicing. “Honestly, you _should_ be more worried about Sebastian. “I bet he’s loving this…”

“We worked hard,” Blaine said. “And the point is, I moved to the next round.”

“They loved you,” Kurt said. There was a note of bitterness in his voice, but for once, Blaine understood where it was coming from.

“They don’t matter;” he said, as if the people commenting on the show with #saveblaine, and lately, #seblaine, were what really worried Kurt right now. Anything was better than Kurt focusing on the actual elephant in the room.

The guilt rose back up in his throat like bile. He shouldn’t feel comfortable with this. This was worse than cheating. This was an affair. It was wrong, there was no way around it. Kurt deserved to know the truth, and maybe then it would be best for him to focus on his own career with Jackie… But even so, Blaine knew that he could never tell Kurt on the phone. It would have to wait until Kurt was back in New York, and suddenly, Blaine had a very clear picture on how that would go. Weeks in which his mind would come up with excuses not to say anything, weeks in which he knew he would be back with Sebastian, no matter how wrong it was.

Also weeks in which he knew that Kurt wouldn’t miss him, too swept up in the nostalgia of his first big role. Weeks that Kurt would spend with his real love, the stage. If it wasn’t for the show, Blaine doubted his husband would even remember to think of him apart from an opportunity to talk about how amazing the tour was.

“I guess it’s not as easy to be away,” Kurt said, taking Blaine a bit by surprise. “It’s weird, watching you on the screen.”

“Well, you wanted to do the tour,” Blaine said.

“I know, and I still think it’s worth it. It’s just…”

Through the phone, Blaine could hear someone calling for Kurt. While he couldn’t catch al of it, it sounded like they needed him to go somewhere.

“In a minute,” his husband called to whoever it was. “Sorry, we’re in the middle of packing, we’re leaving to Seattle later, and Jackie is worried there’ll be too much traffic…”

“It’s okay,” Blaine said, “you have to go, I understand. You have a long day ahead.”

“It’s all long days,” Kurt said, sighing. “I forgot how exhausting these tours are. A show every night isn’t the easiest at the best of times, but it’s really something else if you don’t come back to your own bed afterwards, and are on the road all the time… But well, that’s what you do for promotion. Anyway, I really should go now.”

“Talk to you soon,” Blaine said, but he’d barely finished the last word when he heard the dial signal.

A while ago, this would have been hard, to realize how easily Kurt could discard their conversations. Now, he wasn’t too sad to end the call. He wasn’t sure how well he could hide what was going on if they talked longer. He was very aware that his poker face was more than lacking, and he doubted that it was that much better on the phone. If they kept talking, it was inevitable that he’d betray himself.

Then again, wouldn’t that require Kurt to pay attention?

The thought came unwanted, too bitter, and Blaine felt almost disgusted with himself. Was that who he was becoming? Someone who cheated on his spouse and then turned around and blamed them? Like it hadn’t been his decision, like he didn’t know what the right thing was?

The right thing…

Well, that had gone out of the window a while ago. What even was that at this point? He used to have strong principles. Well, he still thought he had them, but it was hard to reconcile them with what he’d done. What he was doing, really, because he knew it would happen again, that he wouldn’t be able to stay away.

When a relationship didn’t work, the right thing to do was to end it, not start an affair. It was such a simple truth. Clear. Obvious. On paper. But that was the universal truth of growing up, that reality was a lot more complicated than it should be. It wasn’t that easy to walk away when their lives had become intertwined like this, their friends, their careers, family even…

The problem was, it couldn’t go on. On some level, Blaine knew that he was doing irreversible damage to the foundation of that life. Now, that he started it, the implosion was inevitable. At some point, it would come out, and then…

Yeah… then what?

He had no answer.

* * *

Back in school, during very fundamental dance lessons, Blaine had never really gotten rumba. It had merely seemed like a slower version of the cha-cha-cha, and the rhythm had annoyed him.

As it turned out, his dance teacher back then had _sucked_.

There was nothing boring about the way Sebastian led him through the room, the movements following the tact precisely like clockwork while still looking fluid, sensual… there was a heat in it, like barely holding back, like allowing himself to get just to the brink, but never quite letting go…

Honestly, he had no idea how they got any practicing done, when all he really wanted was to jump his tutor.

It had become their new routine, to do their officially planned rehearsals, and meet in private at Sebastian’s apartment in the evening, several times a week. It had paid off so far, Blaine basically sailing through the next round without a problem. And yes, even in private they did train. Blaine was driven, and Sebastian was ambitious, both wanting to win. It had led to raving reviews and the trending of the newly emerged #seblaine. So as frustrating as it felt right now, Blaine knew this was the right way – if only to train his discipline.

It was scary how weak his self-control had gotten since Sebastian had returned into his life. Before, he’d found other men attractive, of course he had, it was just natural. But he’d also known that Kurt would not see it the same way, not given their past, so he’d always pushed down these impulses, even to look, not that he’d ever been tempted to do more than that anyway.

Not to mention that over the years he’d gotten used to taking care of himself. Things between him and Kurt had always been more focused on the romantic aspect of their relationship than the physical one, with the occasional surges, usually when they got back together after a breakup. He thought he’d gotten used to this. Now, though, just the thought of Sebastian’s touch was enough to drive him crazy. He had no idea how he was able to conceal that particular want when they were in public rehearsals, but he guessed that his poker face must be a lot better than he’d given himself credit for.

Right now, they’d been training for almost two hours, and Blaine was starting to feel exhausted. It was almost impossible to concentrate. And still, it felt like some sort of game, where they both pushed each other further, and Blaine had no intention of giving in first. They’d train until Sebastian was satisfied.

And well, afterwards they’d move on to another kind of satisfaction.

Another spin, and Blaine stopped right in front of Sebastian, further than he wanted to be, but at the perfect distance for the figure. He held his breath, waiting for the judgement.

He could see the movement in Sebastian’s adam’s apple as he swallowed, his eyes dark as they roamed over Blaine’s body. He, too, was affected by this.

“Well?” Blaine looked up.

“I think we have to stop,” Sebastian said. His voice was rough, and went right to Blaine’s bones.

“Why’s that?” Blaine asked, noticing that his own voice was barely above a whisper. There was just something so intoxicating about being this close to Sebastian, feeling the air of his breath, touching in a way that would never feel innocent again.

“If we don’t stop here, I’m not sure I can keep my cool with you on stage Saturday,” Sebastian said.

Just a gentle pull, and Blaine surged into the kiss. There was no hesitation, but no patience either. In a flash of clarity, Blaine wondered if this was on purpose, if Sebastian had been dragging this out just to get Blaine impatient, and wanting… But it didn’t matter. What mattered was pushing Sebastian towards the couch, till he tumbled onto the cushions, and Blaine could just so manage to keep the slightest bit of balance, following with a bit more grace, straddling Sebastian as he dove down into the next kiss.

“Rumba really does it for you, huh?” Sebastian asked.

“No, that’s just you,” Blaine replied, kissing him again.

All thoughts of dancing were forgotten, when all that mattered was to get closer, get their clothes out of the way, let mouths follow hands, as they drove each other on, further, insane. There wasn’t even time, not even the thought to take this to the bedroom. After the tension they’d built up between them, nothing but a quick release would do.

When they came down from their high, Blaine sank against Sebastian, his breathing still fast, ragged. He felt like there was not a hint of tension in any muscle of his body. It was the most insanely amazing feeling in his life.

Slowly, the world got back into focus, and with it came some discomfort.

“I think I need a shower,” Blaine muttered into the crook of Sebastian’s shoulder without making any attempt to get up.

“Can I come?” the other man asked, the smirk evident in his voice.

Blaine sighed, settling deeper into the embrace. “I’d like that.” But finally, he managed to pick himself up, get to his feet and towards the bathroom.

What he really wanted was to melt into Sebastian, doze off, and forget everything. The world outside, the show, being married… it would be wonderful to just stay, sleep, wake up together, have breakfast, pretend for just a bit longer that this was fine, this was okay. Or real.

Really, though, this wasn’t what they were doing. They weren’t dating, this _wasn’t_ real. He would not stay the night, and pretend everything was fine. Instead, he’d go home to their sterile Manhattan apartment, the one he owned with his husband, return to a life that felt as real as a doll house.

And somehow, he wasn’t sure which betrayal was worse.

* * *

_there is literally no way they are *not* hooking up #seblaine #dancingwiththestars_

_god you people need to get laid. it’s a damn show. not everybody is hooking up #blaineanderson #dancingwiththestars_

_just saying, don’t think he ever had that much chemistry on a broadway stage #dancingwiththestars #seblaine #totallydoingit_

_about time he gets *some* action #lolklaine #saveblaine_

_I feel very sorry for you people. It’s a dancing show, in a few weeks @blainetheanderson won’t even see this guy anymore, but #Klaine4Ever_

_not here for the shipping, literally here for @blainetheanderson. and damn. that was hot #dancingwiththestars #rumbaishot #dumbnamethough_

* * *

Three weeks into this routine… affair… whatever he was going to call it. Round seven was coming up, at the same weekend that Kurt’s Dorian Gray tour was finishing. Only a few days until things would get more complicated. Until this house of cards he’d built for a life might fall.

It felt like living on borrowed time, and with every time he thought about it, the more he got that feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He knew he wasn’t actually out of control. He could stop this, end things with Sebastian and stick to his life. He’d chosen it, in a way. He’d definitely profited from it. People would kill for the life he had. So what was he doing?

The thought of what would happen almost choked him. But cutting off Sebastian seemed just as impossible. It was a mess, and Blaine didn’t know how to get himself out of it.

So he tried not to think about it. It could wait until tomorrow, he told himself. Every day, he told himself the same thing. Sooner or later, he’d have to confront it. Until then, he was willing to close his eyes, and pretend his life wasn’t in flames.

It was easier this way, especially when he was with Sebastian. There was no time to consider the rabbit hole he was going down when he had those arms around him, moving through the studio, or his living room, or falling apart under his touch…

It was easier not to think.

And still, when they were done, Blaine would take a shower, and return to their apartment in Manhattan. Home, even if it didn’t feel like it. That was usually the point when it was hardest to keep the questions out of his mind.

As he closed the door behind him, he already knew it would be hard to keep the thoughts at bay, more intrusive, more urgent with every day… 

Out of the dark of his living room, he was greeted by a voice.

“And what time do you call that?”

He whirled around, and stumbled backwards, his hands fumbling until he found the switch and turned on the light. There was a swiveling chair right in the middle of the room, that Blaine could have sworn hadn’t been there before, and which was now slowly turning to reveal Santana, looking up to him with all the posture of a Bond villain. All that was missing was Hunter Clarington’s ridiculous white cat.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine asked.

“What were you doing _not_ here?” Santana replied. “I’m on top of your schedule, Frodo, you should have been here two hours ago. I had to throw in an impromptu sexting session with my beloved wife, and you better believe you’re paying the dry-cleaning bill on that chair.”

“Wha- _Gross_ , Santana!”

“Oh, please, I’m kidding,” she said, rolling her eyes, “wipe that expression of your face, and that stink while you’re at it, I can smell Smythe’s desperate yearning all over you.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped, staring at her, panic clawing at the outrage. She couldn’t possibly know… but then again, with Santana…

“Relax, will you?” she said. “I know you’re way too boring to ever do anything, no matter how much eye fucking you pull off on stage. Only you would be goody-two-shoes enough to take actual extra dance lessons. Not sure if Princess Sparkles would have as much trust if he knew about your little private sessions, but as your luck would have it, it’s not in my interest to drive him into popping an aneurysm, so I guess your secret is safe with me for now.”

Well, there was certainly an advantage to being underestimated. Still, as Blaine hung his coat, he didn’t feel much calmer.

“May I ask what this visit is about, then?” he asked.

“Damage control,” Santana said. “Your fans did not like that little tour stunt Kurt pulled.”

“Really? His feed looked mostly positive,” Blaine said with a frown. He usually tried to stay away from it, leaving the details to Santana, but several times in the last few weeks he’d taken a peak. He wasn’t even sure what he’d been trying to do – stoking his guilt about Sebastian, or convincing himself that Kurt was doing very well without him. Either way, it hadn’t helped.

“Do we have to go over this again?” Santana asked, rolling her eyes. “Both your feeds are moderated, so you don’t see the worst. And also, that’s the Kurt camp.”

“What, now there are camps?” Blaine asked.

“There are _always_ camps! Seriously, is nobody _ever_ paying attention? There are people who love you together. Then you have one group who thinks you are a precious Bambi, tragically chained to the ice queen, and not the hot one who wants you to let it go. And opposed to that, you have people who absolutely adore him and view you more as a pretty but useless leech who’s clinging to their beloved prince and keeps him from reaching his full potential.”

“Huh… almost like it wasn’t a good idea to put our whole marriage into the public eye,” Blaine said.

“Yeah, well, everything comes with a price,” Santana replied.

Blaine went through the open floor plan to the kitchen area and began fixing them drinks, if only to gain some more time. This wasn’t what he had wanted, back when he’d dreamed of becoming famous, of taking Broadway by storm together with the love of his life. On paper, it all looked just like he’d wished. Kurt hadn’t left again, they were together, their careers had taken off to the point that they were famous enough in their musical theater bubble. All the broad strokes were there. But the reality was that they lived their lives side by side, their careers resting on the picture perfect relationship they showed to the world, while behind closed doors, it didn’t even feel like they were married. There was no warmth between them, no casual touches, or smiles. That could be any stranger living with him, and most days, it would make no difference.

And still… that connection, that bond between them was right at the foundation of both their careers. He knew Kurt had the slight hope that by now they’d established themselves apart from that image, teenage gay married sweethearts making it against the odds. Maybe that was why he clung to Jackie’s production firm the way he did, like that would let him be his own person, outside their relationship, at least in the public eye. But Blaine doubted it would be enough to keep him over water if their collective Broadway Sweetheart brand went up in flames.

As for Blaine himself… he didn’t even know. Was there really anything that distinguished him? At least something big enough that would not only survive the end of their image but also the damage of being the one to destroy it, the one who cheated and betrayed all that?

Between the two of them, Kurt probably had better chances of making it out of this with a career.

Then again, maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing. Even being on stage had lost its glamor. The last few roles he’d taken were chosen by Santana, more likely on Kurt’s behalf. It had been more of a strain than anything. Maybe that was because he didn’t really feel these shows, or maybe that was just getting older and having youthful dreams crash into reality. But all together, it was like he was sleepwalking through his days, barely even feeling alive.

Until he stepped into Sebastian’s arms.

God, it was tempting. Walk away from this mess his life had become, let the house of cards fall, blow it all up and walk away from the ashes. And could it be easier then right now? All he had to do was tell Santana where he’d been, what he’d done, that he was walking away, and have her handle the fallout for him. She’d do it, or maybe she’d handle it in Kurt’s favor, but either way, it would be done.

And then what?

“You mentioned something about damage control,” Blaine said as he brought their drinks over. “What was that about?”

“So, the little goth tour is currently making its way back east. And since he’s so close to home, your oh so beloved husband is going to step out for a few shows to fly home. He’ll be here tomorrow to surprise you with self-made brunch, and leave Dorian Gray to an understudy until Friday, when he’ll be ready to step in for the final show, right here in lovely New York. And of course, he’ll spend Saturday sitting in your audience, for what is hopefully your triumphant entrance into the quarterfinal. It’s a bit of a mess to organize the trip, but that means your fans will love it. Well, the team klaine people at least. His fans will complain about some of them missing him on stage, or how tough all that effort will be on him, and your fans will say it’s only a publicity stunt and you deserve better, but I guess you can never please everyone. And as far as publicity stunts go, it will be so syrupy sweet, I’ll probably need to book an appointment with my dentist for afterwards. We all have to make sacrifices, after all. Anyway, make sure you’re in your best silk pyjamas, we’ll be here around nine to start cooking, I’ll be filming. We’ll pretend to wake you around nine thirty, all on camera. Make sure your teeth are brushed, and make sure your bedhead looks at least adorable, not like a complete birds’ nest. Any questions?”

“A staged surprise,” Blaine said, shaking his head. “Do you think people would still care about us if they knew how fake we are?”

“Obviously not,” Santana replied. “But everything’s fake these days. Trust me, even I wouldn’t have guessed just how bad it is before getting into it myself. But that’s the game.”

“And you’re very good at it,” Blaine said. “Sorry, I’m just… tired, I guess.”

He almost expected more venom from her, but instead, she looked at him in contemplation.

“Look, I get that you’re exhausted. And maybe you could use a break. But that’s the game. You have to keep it spinning.”

“Keep it spinning,” Blaine repeated, “and what happens when it stops?”

She stopped, and really looked at him. There was something… soft in her eyes, like she actually felt for him. Such a rare thing to see, especially from her.

Eventually, she spoke. “I don’t know. But there’s only one way to find out. And then there’s no going back.”

That was the point. No going back. Sure, there was something nice about the idea of starting new. Burn down your home so you have nothing to come back to. But the sad reality was that once the fire had died down, he’d still have to live with the consequences, and he couldn’t even begin to predict what that would look like.

“I guess I thought Dancing could be a break for you,” Santana said with a shrug. “I thought it would be fun.”

“It is,” Blaine said.

“Feivel treating you right?”

For a moment she looked at him with too much intensity, and once more, he wondered just how well she could see right through him. And still, the answer was on his lips immediately. The one thing he was sure about. “Yes. He does.” He almost scared himself with how heartfelt that answer had been, quickly adding more to overplay the moment. “Well, he kept me on the show at least. Saved me from going onto the damn tour.”

A shadow fell over Santana’s face. “And if I had to ship you over to Artie after all, you would _not_ have gone on that tour. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll have to be back early enough tomorrow for the camera work.”

Blaine stared at her, and not for the first time he realized that he had barely any idea of the inner workings of Santana. But to think she’d look out for him in that aspect…

Well, it definitely meant something.

“I sometimes wonder if you really know everything.”

She shrugged. “Only what’s smart for me to know,” she said. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

* * *

Blaine had obeyed Santana’s instructions. He’d definitely snuck into the bathroom to brush his teeth, as well as tame the worst of the mess his hair was in. After that, though, he’d returned to bed, snuggled back under the covers, and waited. Of course, he’d heard the noises from the kitchen, but since the point was to surprise him, he had opted not to help out and instead stay in bed until the door was opened. For show, he sunk further into the pillows, until he could Kurt approach. Only then, and right on cue he turned around, looking in confusion and rubbing his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Surprise!” Kurt said, the smile on his face wide in a way that hadn’t found its way into their everyday in a long time. At least when no cameras were around. Blaine felt his stomach drop, even when he tried to cover it up with a smile.

Just another role, playing the adoring husband, the perfect couple… All so fake, that even the tray Kurt was carrying didn’t manage to make him feel better. It looked lovely, with coffee and orange juice, yoghurt and freshly cut fruit, as well as something that looked like some sort of frittata.

Blaine felt a sudden yearning for it to be real, to actually be surprised, have someone care enough for him to go through all this effort – not for social media, not for publicity stunts… just for him.

But that wasn’t the script he was in. In this, he smiled as Kurt oh so carefully put down the tray on the mattress, holding himself on one knee on the bed as he leant over to press a kiss to Blaine’s lips, even with Santana in the background filming them on her phone.

“Welcome home,” Blaine said, and he could only pray it didn’t sound as hollow as he felt.

“And cut.”

They both looked to Santana, who seemed almost impressed.

“Do you need to edit that?” Kurt asked, as he stood up from the bed, his hands never leaving the tray as if he feared something would fall over.

“No editing,” Santana said. “I’m posting it right now. It’s supposed to look spontaneous and real, remember? But hey, you actually did good with this one.” Without paying further attention to them, she turned around and left the room.

“Great,” Blaine said. It was really hard to muster up any enthusiasm when it was all so fake. To find some sort of distraction, he took one of the coffee cups and brought it to his lips.

Kurt was looking at him with an expression that was more bemusement than anything else. “Wait, are we really doing this?”

Blaine paused, now looking at his husband after all. “What else?” he asked. “Do you seriously want to take it all back out and eat at the table?”

“I mean, I know breakfast in bed is a sweet idea, but don’t you think it’s a bit impractical? What if something gets spilled? And just think of all the crumbs…”

“Doesn’t it bother you, how fake everything is?” Blaine asked. “Sometimes it feels like it’s all social media, and nothing real.”

“We are real,” Kurt said, “but this is how social media works. You don’t show all the realities, you show the highlight reel. That doesn’t mean it’s fake.”

“Yeah, but…” He stopped, and sighed. “It feels different. I get brushing things up, but… this feels like just acting. Why can’t we sit down and have breakfast in bed?”

Kurt seemed confused, as if he really didn’t get what Blaine was going on about. “Santana is still here, she’s-“

Her voice interrupted him, coming through the door. “No, she isn’t. I mean, I’m leaving. Like I’m hanging around for that. Of all the couples I know, you must be the most boring one. Well, except for the Schusters maybe. How they ever managed to have a kid is beyond me…”

Blaine caught Kurt’s bewildered expression, and for once he felt like they were on the same page. Still, this seemed like a good opportunity to take. “Okay, bye Santana! Thank you!”

Before he’d even finished, Santana had already slammed their front door.

“You know there’s a thirty percent chance she’s still in here,” Kurt muttered.

For a second, Blaine considered making a quip about how maybe they should scandalize her, but that felt like it would open a whole other can of worms that he was not ready to deal with. Instead, he turned towards the breakfast again, trying a piece of mango.

Kurt sighed, almost in exaggeration. “Well, if it means so much to you, then fine. I guess we can have breakfast in bed.”

To his own surprise, Blaine found there was a sarcastic remark on the tip of his tongue. Maybe spending this much time with Sebastian did have an effect. But he didn’t want to be confrontational. Besides, it was probably some sort of defense mechanism – trying to focus on Kurt’s faults, attack him maybe, if only because it gave him an excuse not to actually think of what he was doing with Sebastian. Of the fact that he was having an affair.

He took a sip of coffee, not quite surprised that it tasted especially bitter.

Here he was, with breakfast in bed, despite it being just for social media.

He wondered what Kurt would say if he knew. How Santana would react to find out that she’d underestimated, or maybe overestimated him. How their friends would react. Even worse, their families.

And wasn’t that a thought he’d actively tried to avoid since the whole thing began. But now here it was, and that was harder to shake than anything… just how he’d ever meet Burt’s eye again, knowing what Blaine had been doing – was still doing – to his son…

His own parents had never been as present in his life as he’d wanted. Even if his mother was accepting, she was… flighty, unreliable in a way he’d never been able to explain to her, where she of course loved him and wanted good things for him, but couldn’t be bothered when push really came to shove. And his father… he didn’t really want to think about his father. He couldn’t blame the man for not being present for his wedding, surprising as it had been, but for that ever-present doubt, and the unspoken fact that he might prefer it that way… His in-laws had been more parental to him than his own family, Burt especially being the father figure he’d always yearned for.

He’d forsaken that too, would lose these relationships the moment the truth came out.

When had it all become such a mess?

Kurt didn’t seem to notice much of the turmoil he was going through, sitting down at the side of the bed with a constant critical look towards the tray, even as he started picking up a few pieces of fruit.

“So, how’s the dancing thing going?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“The last few shows went really well,” Blaine said, “but you saw them. The next dance up is a quickstep, it’s a bit fast, but it’s fun.”

“I never really got into that,” Kurt said, wrinkling his nose. “But then again, it was really hard to get into anything with Cassie July screaming at you.”

It was times like these when he realized that dropping out of NYADA was not the worst thing that ever happened to him. But he didn’t want to get too deep into the subject of Dancing With The Stars. Not when it had become such a minefield.

“So how was your tour?” he asked instead, hoping to change the subject.

It was about as easy as he’d expected.

“It was really amazing,” Kurt said. “And I finally got Jackie to tell me what her next project is. She even showed me some of the songs, and concepts. It’s going to be amazing. You will never guess what it is.”

Santana had joked once that Jackie was actually the physical manifestation of Tina’s teen goth phase. In his mind, Blaine tried to picture Tina’s bookshelf, thought about the books from there that Jackie had already transformed into shows. There was one title that came to mind immediately.

“Frankenstein?”

Kurt’s face fell. “How did you know that?”

“I mean… it’s on brand for her, right? People have been wondering why she hasn’t done it yet,” Blaine said. “It’s a classic right alongside Dracula. Honestly, Dorian Gray was more of a deviation.”

Kurt was frowning, clearly not too happy with the easy guess. When he spoke again, there was a note of defiance in his voice that Blaine had gotten all too used to by now. “Well, it’s going to be an amazing show. Jackie is really getting into the psychology of it all. And now I’m even more determined to go for the lead. I want to play Frankenstein.”

Now Blaine was starting to frown as well. He knew that Kurt adored Jackie, the one person who’d believed in him, his biggest benefactor in the musical theater world. He was convinced that sticking to her was integral to his career. Blaine on the other hand was counting the days that the whole company would fall over a very likely true MeToo accusation against her sleazebag partner. But he knew that bringing that up would only lead to another fight, and he was not interested in that.

“Don’t look like that. Frankenstein’s the doctor. Not the monster,” Kurt said, clearly misjudging his skepticism.

Blaine stared at him. “Kurt, I know who Frankenstein is. I read the book.”

“Of course you would have,” Kurt sighed. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to show a little support here. This is our next thing. Your dancing show will be over in a few weeks, no matter how well you do, and Santana didn’t mention having anything lined up for you next. Although…” his eyes widened, and there was a new spark. “I just had the best idea. You should audition for the show, too!”

“What?” Blaine asked.

“It’s perfect! You could audition for the role of Henry, Frankenstein’s best friend. Jackie already told me she’s going to make their relationship a lot more emotional than it was in the original, definitely some subtext in there.”

Ah, Jackie’s famous subtext, Blaine had wondered when that would make it into the conversation. Not that it was actually the point.

“I don’t think it’s the best idea,” he said.

“I’ll talk you up to Jackie, she’ll definitely take you, you don’t have to worry,” Kurt said. “At least think about it?”

“I don’t want you to talk me up,” Blaine replied. Honestly, the less attention he personally got from their production team, the better. But again, he wasn’t interested in starting another fight. “Look, I’m rooting for you. I just don’t think it would be the right project for me. Jackie is your thing, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

He could see from that edge in Kurt’s gaze that he wasn’t quite buying it, but maybe he too wasn’t interested in starting a fight over something this silly. So he shrugged, acting like he wasn’t bothered. “Fine,” he said.

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t sound like it was.

* * *

_omg, cutest thing ever #relationshipgoals #klaine4ever_

_where can i get my own @kurtelizabethhummel? #klaine4ver_

_can you guys seriously imagine @kurtelizabethhummel having breakfast in bed? he’s way too classy for that. still cute, though #klaine4ever_

_guys, is blaine ok? like seriously… he doesn’t seem okay #saveblaine_

_probably just tired from dancing, don’t worry_

_yeah, tired from his ahem dance practice #seblaine_

_ahahaha you’re so funny #lolklaine_

_i’ll take jealousy for 500, alex #leaveklainealone #klaine4ever_

_i’ll take fake-fakeness for is-anyone-seriously-buying-this, genius #lolklaine_

* * *

When Blaine showed up for rehearsal, he wasn’t quite sure how to act. He’d known, of course, that Kurt would be back soon. He just had thought he’d have a few more days, and now wasn’t sure on how to break the news to Sebastian.

Of course, he shouldn’t have worried about that. After all, their lovely reunion had been all over social media. When Blaine met him at the studio, thankfully early enough that nobody was around to overhear them, Sebastian had already heard all about it.

“It’s a bit obvious as a publicity stunt,” he said with a shrug.

“Some think so,” Blaine admitted. “Although there are enough people who are into it. Is it really that bad?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, clearly not too happy with the whole thing. And well, that wasn’t too much of a surprise. “It just seems like you’re trying too hard,” he said.

“It must work for some people,” Blaine said. “If there’s one thing you can rely on, then it’s that Santana knows what she’s doing. And this charade seems to be the main reason we’re popular.”

Sebastian snorted. “You’re popular because you represent the one type of gay couple the mainstream is ready for. A sexless one.”

Blaine stared at him, couldn’t stop himself from gaping. He knew on some level he shouldn’t be surprised. Sebastian had made his opinion of both Kurt and their relationship obvious more than once. Still, Blaine felt like he needed to defend… himself? His marriage? Okay, he wasn’t sure on the details, but this needed some sort of defense.

Then again, Sebastian wasn’t quite wrong. Not to mention that it did not feel right to try and defend the sex-life in his marriage to someone he was actually sleeping with.

Sebastian, to his credit, seemed to notice his conflict. He chuckled, shaking his head. “Relax, will you? I’m not calling _you_ sexless. Obviously, I know that’s not true. Just… it’s pretty obvious that there’s not much going on between you and your ken doll husband. Could have told you that even if it hadn’t been obvious from personal experience.”

Now, that Blaine was offended about. “Did you just… I don’t remember you complaining, you know?”

“Oh, come on… I wasn’t calling you rusty,” Sebastian said, shaking his head.

“Then what?”

To his surprise, Sebastian actually looked more serious now, as if he was actually thinking about it. “It’s just… when we met at the hotel… and the first few times back here… you seemed… damn, what’s the right way to put it so you don’t bite off my head again? Hungry?” He shook his head. “No, that’s not it…” He was frowning now, honestly thinking about the right way to say it. “Starved,” he said eventually. “Like you were starved for touch.”

And just like that, it felt like the rug was pulled from under him. Because… what was he supposed to say to that? What on earth could he say against that, when it resonated so deeply with him? And how could Sebastian see through him so easily? It was true. He’d yearned for touch, and not even in a sexual way. Just… warmth, and care, and…

“Damn, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Sebastian said.

“It’s fine,” Blaine said, “it’s not like you’re wrong.”

It just made it a bit harder to collect himself. Sebastian was watching him, some sort of conflict obvious in his face. Eventually, he put an arm around Blaine, who almost fell into the hug.

Warmth… touch… such a simple thing. It shouldn’t mean this much. And really, this wasn’t the right place, nor the right time. He needed to get this back on track, before he got too lost in his own self-pity.

“Looks like we’ll have to make do without extra training for now,” he said, trying to change the topic.

Sebastian chuckled as he stepped back. “Well, I guess then we have to dial it up a notch in the official rehearsals. You ready?”

Blaine took a deep breath, and nodded. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

_“Kurt, we’re so thrilled to have you back here. Rumors certainly have been flying around after your spontaneous departure, but it’s good to see that there was nothing to them. So, what did you think of Blaine’s quickstep tonight?”_

_“It wasn’t that spontaneous. Dorian Gray was basically my breakout role, it just made sense for me to reprise it for the tour. Not to mention there’s a lot more to come, so stay tuned for more productions.”_

_“Well, that sounds amazing. And we’re sure Blaine is ecstatic to have you back.”_

_“Well… I mean… Obviously, it’s always hard to be separated. It’s just something we both knew would be inevitable at some points. When both partners are in the performing arts, sometimes it can’t be helped. But of course, I’m glad to be back home.”_

_“And back in the live audience. Tonight’s performance was especially enthusiastic, don’t you think?”_

_“Oh, it was beautiful. I loved the part where they didn’t rely on cheap pseudosexual tension for once. Nice change of pace, really.”_

_“Um… I think we should check with… anyone. Thanks so much, Kurt. Back to you, Joan.”_

It was just a short interview snippet, and Blaine wasn’t sure how often he’d seen it. Kurt was asleep already, like nothing bothered him at all. He’d been exhausted, the week actually taking more out of him than expected.

Blaine on the other hand was restless. There was the energy of the performance, nerves from having Kurt back in his space after weeks of being alone. And that interview, of course.

Sometimes, Blaine was surprised how it still could hit him like this. It was bad enough that after all these years and all they went through, Kurt held the power to tear him down like this. It was probably worse how often it happened. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t as bad. After all, Kurt was tired – the tour had been exhausting, and to top that off, sitting in the audience, pretending to love watching Blaine dance with the person he hated most in the world, might have been asking too much. But another part of Blaine was just so tired of coming up with excuses.

Blaine scanned a few of the comments on the clip. The first few were positive, congratulating Blaine for his performance, cheering over Dorian Gray, speculating about what Jackie would come up with next (and maybe Blaine felt a bit validated when Frankenstein was guessed more than once).

Sure, further down there were more critical comments, riddled with #saveblaine, and the ever more prominent #seblaine, all taking apart how Kurt focused more on himself, or showed jealousy, with a million gifs from that first interview, Kurt laughing awkwardly when asked about the chemistry between Blaine and Sebastian.

They almost made him feel worse.

This was pointless. Why was he even looking at these? Reading comments had never improved anything for him. Even when he read mostly positive comments, sooner or later he’d find something negative that would stick with him so much longer than anything else. He should follow Kurt’s example and just leave it all to Santana.

He was just about to put his phone away, when one more comment caught his eye.

_so glad @blainetheanderson has someone to support him unconditionally #lolklaine #saveblaine_ [ _www.youtube.com/_ ](http://www.youtube.com/) _watch?v....._

Against his better judgment, he tapped on the link. A moment later, it opened a video. Another interview snippet about the show.

Sebastian.

_“Dancing with Blaine… it’s out of this world. I mean, look at him. He’s the real deal. Triple threat. Sings, dances, acts… super hot, too, and did you hear some of the song’s he’s written? The guy’s insanely talented. But also, he works harder than anyone I’ve ever met. That’s the crazy thing, he has no idea how good he really is. So yeah, I think he deserves this. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who deserves winning this as much as he does.”_

The video ended, and Blaine kept staring at his screen. He didn’t even think to scroll down, read what people said. It didn’t matter. Sebastian’s words echoed in his mind, such a strong contrast.

God, he missed Sebastian.

Wasn’t that the saddest thing? It wasn’t like they even were anything, beyond dance partners, a team on the show, a secret affair that wasn’t supposed to mean anything. That, though… how Sebastian had talked about him… not just the words, but the warmth in his voice, his smile…

Was this really nothing?

Honestly, he didn’t know. Of course not, he couldn’t read Sebastian’s mind, and he felt like he couldn’t even figure out his own emotions. All he knew was that with Sebastian, he felt different. Warm, and seen, and…

With barely a conscious decision, he wrote a text, sent it out before he could change his mind.

_I wish I could see you right now_

The answer was faster than he would have expected, and even as he was hit with another wave of guilt, he couldn’t help smiling as he read it.

_Such a tease, Anderson. Don’t worry, we’ll figure sth out._

* * *

Blaine had never meant to have an affair. He still felt like he’d mostly stumbled into this thing with Sebastian. But maybe it always went this way. Whoever set out to become the villain? The part of him that was still a romantic, believed in love and soulmates and marriage, should be relieved now that Kurt’s return had put an end to the whole thing.

But it didn’t help, not at all.

There was still the same guilt. After all, he’d cheated on his husband, more than once, and he knew, if he had the opportunity, he’d still sneak out to see Sebastian. The pull was still there, that attraction that had been there right from the beginning.

Missing Sebastian, though… that was probably the worst of it.

Oh, he’d tried to talk himself out of it. How could he miss someone he saw every day? But it was different, dancing in more or less public. They were close physically, but there wasn’t really an opportunity to talk. Not when they could so easily be overheard, if anyone could walk in at any point. Dancing for the show was a completely different thing to dancing in Sebastian’s flat. It just felt like there was an additional barrier between them.

Still, Blaine couldn’t even deceive himself. It wasn’t just the sex he missed. It was spending time, having fun, this weird, fragile intimacy they’d created between them. Without these outlets in the privacy of Sebastian’s apartment, everything felt so much more oppressive, and Blaine wasn’t sure how to handle it.

It brought back some of the tension into his posture, although he’d gotten better at suppressing that when they were dancing. With quarterfinals coming up, he could only hope it was enough.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sebastian said, when he voiced his concern in rehearsal. “You’re doing amazing.”

“Even with less training?” Blaine asked.

Sebastian shrugged. “Those were for basics, you’ve got them figured out by now. The rest is just experience, which you’re gathering every week. You don’t need extra training.”

“I know,” Blaine said, “I kind of miss it, though.”

Sebastian sucked in the air in an inhale that sounded more like a hiss. “Don’t say that. Not when there’s not a thing I can do about it.”

“What would you want to do about it?” Blaine asked. Honestly, he was surprised himself by the boldness of his words.

Sebastian stared at him, clearly not expecting this. But before he could say anything else, someone from the production team walked in, checking in on them. It was a clear reminder that the studio they’d been assigned was not private.

They’d probably been lucky, too. Just where had they been going with this anyway? Before Blaine could get lost in berating himself over being so careless, Sebastian’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“One night.”

Blaine turned, looking at Sebastian in confusion. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Give me one night. This week, or next. Just… can you get away for one night?”

Blaine thought about it. He’d decided not to this, not wile Kurt was back in New York… Then again… Jackie was having a meeting with potential investors in Atlantic City, some people she used to know from college, and Kurt had been interested in accompanying her. Honestly, he didn’t even need encouragement there. Silence was probably all consent that was needed from Blaine in this matter.

“I think I can,” he said. “Thursday, maybe. It could work.”

Sebastian nodded, his shoulders sagging ever so slightly, like he was relieved, like he hadn’t been certain. Blaine felt the sudden urge to reassure him, but he stopped himself. Of course, Sebastian wasn’t sure about them. They weren’t something sure. Even now, Blaine refused to get lost in the question of what exactly they even were.

He couldn’t afford it.

But this… one more night of pretending…

Yeah. That sounded like something he could do. And maybe something he’d move the earth for.

* * *

Thursday evening, Blaine found himself in front of Sebastian’s door, more nervous than even the first time he’d shown up here. He told himself there was no reason to. He knew where he and Sebastian stood, after all, and he didn’t have to wonder whether he could trust himself around the other man, that ship had sailed already. He wasn’t worried about Kurt finding out, either. Off with Jackie in Atlantic City, he’d probably not even remember he had a husband.

Still, it felt… different.

A moment after ringing the bell, the door opened, and Blaine felt his mouth run dry.

Sebastian always looked gorgeous, but this was… Different. He seemed more relaxed than Blaine remembered seeing him, in a pair of faded jeans, and a forest green shirt, showing off his arms. There was a red-checkered dish towel thrown over his shoulder, and his hair was messed up.

He looked beautiful, in a real way. But before Blaine could get lost in his thoughts, Sebastian spoke.

“Hey, killer. Wanna come in?”

The smirk on his face made it obvious that Sebastian was not only very aware of the effect he was having, but also pretty satisfied with himself over that.

When he walked inside, Blaine noticed that the furniture hadn’t been moved, like it had been the last few weeks. No impromptu dance floor, instead there was music coming from the kitchen area. Blaine followed Sebastian there, and saw that everything was ready for cooking. There were two cutting boards, washed salad in a bowl, some vegetables and mushrooms, and a mixing bowl with some sort of white cream inside.

Blaine stared at it, and it felt like there was a lump in his throat. “Are we cooking?” he asked.

“That was the idea,” Sebastian said. “Did you expect more training?”

“I…” A part of him had, yes. Another part of him had expected to be dragged to the bedroom as soon as he entered the apartment. This, though? No, he had not seen this coming. He pictured it for a moment. Cooking, listening to music, just talking, having fun…

A date.

It had been so long since he’d been on one. He’d probably stopped planning dates some time before Kurt had gotten his break with Jackie, back then when he’d been so sure the only thing keeping them together were their wedding bands. And well, when Blaine didn’t plan them, Kurt certainly wouldn’t.

It wasn’t quite fair, there had been a few dates. But those had been at least as much for PR as they’d been for them, and Blaine still suspected Santana planned most of them. Actually, some _had_ to have been Brittany’s ideas…

“Look, what I told you the other day… I meant it,” Sebastian said. “You don’t need training. But I really thought you could use a day off. So… that’s the plan. Good food, a nice wine, music, relaxing… and you know, whatever else we feel like.”

Blaine couldn’t have stopped the smile spreading on his face if he’d wanted to. “That sounds amazing,” he said, finally finding his voice again.

“You okay?” Sebastian asked.

“Yeah, of course, sure. Just… what are we making? Just a salad, or…?”

Sebastian still had a sharp look in his eyes, but he didn’t dig any further. “Do you know Tarte Flambée?”

“Uh… no. Is it dangerous?”

“No actual fire, I promise,” Sebastian said. “It’s a regional dish from the Alsace, it’s…” He frowned, thinking about it for a moment. “It’s a bit like pizza,” he said.

Suddenly, Blaine felt his throat close up. Such a small thing, and still, it brought up a few memories he’d rather keep buried. “Oh, um… isn’t that… a bit heavy? We’re in the middle of a dancing show, I can’t exactly… you know. Gain too much.”

“It’s not heavy,” Sebastian said quickly, “it’s actually pretty light. Very thin, crispy dough, no cheese, a light cream instead of tomato sauce… Not that you need to worry about that anyway.”

“I can see the bacon on the counter, Sebastian,” Blaine said.

“Well yes, they’re supposed to be delicious,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “Wait… do you… worry about that?”

Blaine looked up, and realized Sebastian seemed actually surprised by that.

“Is it that hard to believe?” he asked.

“I mean… I’ve seen a lot of your body lately, and I’ve seen you dance, too. Trust me, you have _nothing_ to worry about.”

It was cheesy, it should have been cheesy, and still, Blaine felt warmth rush through him. “If you say so,” he said, and tried to smile. “So… what do you need me to do?”

“You can start cutting up mushrooms. Thin slices, okay? But before that… how about some wine?”

He moved to a bottle, pouring both of them white wine.

Blaine took a sip, letting the full, acidic aromas dance over his tongue.

“Pinot gris,” Sebastian said. “What do you think?”

Blaine took another sip, and really appreciated the taste. “I like it,” he said. “It’s… fuller than usual, isn’t it?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Impressive. Yeah, this one actually isn’t from California. Gift from my cousin in Strasbourg. You do know your wine, huh?”

“My mom is pretty much a wine mom,” Blaine said with a shrug, “you pick up a few things.”

Sebastian laughed. “Isn’t that the truth? Okay, let’s get to work.”

It was surprisingly comfortable. As Sebastian mixed first a white cream, then a vinaigrette for the salad, Blaine got busy cutting the bacon strips, mushrooms and vegetables, preparing both the topping and the salad.

In what felt like no time at all, both tartes – one topped with onions and bacon, the other with mushrooms and scallions – disappeared into the oven. While Sebastian put out the plates and topped off their wine, Blaine went to dress the salad. He could feel Sebastian coming closer, and there was no surprise when an arm was wrapped around his waist. He just let himself be pulled back against Sebastian’s chest, raising his head to meet him in a kiss like none they shared before – slow, and relaxed, just for kissing’s sake, not even to lead anywhere. Blaine sighed into it, let go of the salad forks and turned to kiss Sebastian fully.

The other man chuckled against his lips. “And now you taste like pinot gris.”

“So do you,” Blaine replied. “It’s not bad.”

He leaned in again, when the timer interrupted them. Too fast, Sebastian stepped away from him. But that, too, was okay, they had all night.

All night…

“You coming?”

A few moments later, everything was ready. Both tartes rested on wooden boards, Sebastian cutting them into little squares while Blaine filled their salad bowls. They toasted again, and then began to eat. It was delicious, maybe even more because of the work they’d put into it. It had been a while since he’d cooked like this, so relaxed, calm, and then enjoy the results together, accompanied by the fresh wine, soft up-beat music in the background, and Sebastian’s wide smile and sparkling eyes…

The realization hit him ridiculously late, or maybe it was ridiculous that it even was such a huge realization for him.

He felt happy.

“What do you think?” Sebastian asked.

Blaine hoped that even a fraction of his gratitude was clear in his smile. “It’s perfect.”

As they shared dinner, conversation was flowing easily, as usual between them, and it wasn’t just the wine that filled Blaine with warmth. This felt like pure domesticity, not that stilted act he was keeping up at home for publicity. This was warm, and real, and he was surprised by just how much he wanted it.

“I’ve sent out resumes,” Sebastian said at some point, and took a sip of his wine. He very clearly tried to sound casual, and it almost worked.

“To newspapers?” Blaine asked.

“Mostly about media journalism,” Sebastian said. “I guess the best timing is while I’m still kind of on the radar.”

“So what papers?”

“Dozens,” Sebastian said. “We’ll see. The competition can be pretty rough. Let’s be real, the Times hasn’t exactly been waiting for me…”

“Hey,” Blaine said, taking his hand. “None of that self-defeating nonsense. You’re Sebastian Smythe. You want something, you get it.”

There was something soft in Sebastian’s gaze, more vulnerable than he’d usually allow himself to be around anyone. “You believe in me,” he said, making it sound half like a question.

“Of course,” Blaine said.

“You haven’t read a word I’ve written. Maybe I’m just very good at talking myself up,” Sebastian said, even though that lopsided grin made it very clear that he was joking.

“Well, I happen to know a few things about you,” Blaine said. “You’re ambitious.” He bit down on the grin. “Driven.” It got harder to hide it. “ _A Dalton boy…_ ”

“Oh my god,” Sebastian said, laughing. “You brat! I can’t believe you’re bringing that up after all this time.“

“Sorry, couldn’t help it,” Blaine said.

“That was Senior Year, come on….”

“You sounded like a comic book villain,” Blaine said. “You really thought I’d let you live that down?”

“It was Hunter’s script,” Sebastian protested. “And I mean… you dressed up in a cape.”

“You had a script?” Blaine asked. “I… what am I saying, _of course_ there was a script…” The laughter bubbling up almost came as a surprise for him. Back then, he’d thought a lot about Hunter’s offer, of course, but more in the context of returning to Dalton, caught between wanting to move on and possibly punishing himself. Looking back though, with all of the angst and worries removed, it was impossible not to see the comedy of it all.

Sebastian looked just as surprised for a moment, but clearly he followed Blaine’s train of thought. As the bizarreness of the situation came to him, he too had to laugh, until they were both almost out of breath.

“Really, though,” Blaine said, once they calmed down. “I do believe in you.”

“Well, thanks,” Sebastian said. “I do appreciate that. Now help me clean up this mess.”

Even that was done quickly, and soon enough they could retire to the couch. Some movie was on, and Blaine even pretended to pay some attention as Sebastian put an arm around him, pulling him close against his side.

Such a simple date, and yet, just the effort Sebastian put into this made him feel warm. Cared for. It was… comfortable, in a way that was almost too much to bear. Definitely too much, now that Blaine had started thinking about it.

Sebastian turned his head, maybe wanting to ask something, but Blaine didn’t let him. Instead, he moved, met Sebastian’s lips, and kissed him.

Sebastian gasped into his mouth, kissing back immediately. It wasn’t enough, not nearly close enough. It wasn’t as much a thought as an instinct that made him move, and turn, throw a leg over Sebastian’s an straddling him. Just as he moved his hips, chasing that sensation of Sebastian against him, even through layers of cloth, he felt the other man’s hands on his waist hold him back.

“What-?” He frowned, confusion pouring out of him.

“Blaine…”

Sebastian looked at him in a way Blaine couldn’t read, but he seemed more… vulnerable than usual. Open.

Blaine followed Sebastian’s guidance, sat back and met his eye, as he waited, not sure what for.

Sebastian’s hands came to rest under his shirt, rubbing circles right into the sensitive skin there. For a moment, Blaine was sure he wanted them to stop, even if he didn’t quite understand how. Instead, Sebastian raised a hand to stroke his cheek, let his hand wander down Blaine’s neck and to his shoulder. Slowly, he nodded as a small smile appeared on his face. It made him look calm, peaceful, perfect. “Let’s move this to the bedroom, okay?” Sebastian asked.

“I… yeah, okay, sure.”

It was different this time, slower, the heat between them more molten lava than the usual bright flames. If anything, it was probably even more addictive. When they kissed, it was in slow movements, intense to the point Blaine could feel them with every fiber of his body. They took their time, even more than usual, slowly discarding their clothes, Sebastian pulling him down onto the sheets, his legs opening to make room for him. There was something vulnerable in his eyes, but Blaine knew he couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t find the right words. All he could do was kiss Sebastian, show him that yes, he felt it too.

Sebastian opened up easily under his fingers, moans transforming into nonsensical words, English and French mixed together in a string of profanities and encouragement. When Blaine pushed into him, Sebastian threw his head back so fast, he almost hit it on the headboard, and from the string of words he could barely tell apart, there was one expression he recognized.

_je t’aime…_

The words fell off Sebastian’s lips almost casually, like he hadn’t even noticed what he said, followed by others, barely intelligible. But Blaine felt them rushing through him, through his blood, building up to a crescendo as he crashed their lips together in another searing kiss, want taking over. He couldn’t say the words… shouldn’t… didn’t know… it didn’t matter. But Sebastian was falling apart under him, and this was something he could do, holding back until he could see the other man losing it, falling over the edge with an expression of pure bliss on his face, and then Blaine allowed himself to let got, and follow.

It took him a moment to regain his bearings, to return to the present where Sebastian was lying under him, his eyes fluttering shut as he seemed to be absolutely boneless in the sheets. Softly, Blaine pulled away, and allowed himself just a moment to watch him.

Beautiful. Perfect. And Blaine knew he didn’t deserve it.

By the time Sebastian was all back to his senses, Blaine had cleaned them up enough. Exhausted as he was, he sank back into Sebastian’s embrace, pressing kisses from his jaw over his throat.

He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, just their breathing breaking through the silence of the room, before Sebastian spoke, his voice hoarse, soft. “Can you stay?”

Blaine’s first instinct was flight. They didn’t do this, after all. No overnights. But they usually didn’t do dates, either. And what else had this been? Besides… nobody was waiting for him at home. After an evening like this, he wasn’t sure he could have left if he wanted to.

And that… well, that was an obvious answer.

“I’ll stay,” he said, pressing a kiss to the corner of Sebastian’s mouth.

When he eventually drifted to sleep, Sebastian’s arms encircling him, the last clear thought on Blaine’s mind was how easy it could be.

* * *

_congrats to my little brother, @blainetheanderson jiving his way into the penultimate round #dancingwiththestars #anderbros_

_always knew jive was fun, but damn, that made me want to dance #dancingwiththestars #blaineanderson #happy_

_this is *my* happy dance #dancingwiththestars #seblaine_

_speaking of #happy, can we talk how #happy @blainetheanderson looks on this show? #saveblaine #dancingwiththestars_

_I know someone who definitely doesn’t look happy #lolklaine #saveblaine_

_Ahahaha you’re so funny #lolklaine_

_You people are ridiculous, will you stop quoting that? It was one interview, grow up! #Klaine4Ever #SeblaineIsNotAThing_

_#ittotallyis #lolklaine_

* * *

After last night’s dance, Blaine was sure he had the general idea on how the internet would react. But he couldn’t be bothered to check. The high of the performance, of actually getting into the semi-finals was still thrumming within him after waking up and all through his morning coffee. Hell, even Cooper had publicly acknowledged that, so it had to mean something.

Kurt’s mood wasn’t quite as optimistic. His husband was sitting at the opposite end of the table, the coffee in front of him probably getting cold, as he scrolled through something on his phone. There was something tense in his expression. For a moment, Blaine considered asking, but then again, he had an idea what that was about. Obviously, Kurt hadn’t been a fan of the jive, even if there hadn’t been a new awkward interview clip last night. And fine, the ending figure might have been a bit… risqué, with that very deep dip… sure, they’d played it more light-hearted than passionate, but he should have known that Kurt wouldn’t be the biggest fan. Then again, he hadn’t been the biggest fan the whole duration of the show anyway…

His phone rang, interrupting his thoughts.

Blaine’s eyes widened when he saw it was Artie calling. He thought back to what Santana had said, that she would have sent him off to whatever project that was, rather than put him onto the tour. He’d taken it to mean that she was very aware how uncomfortable Blaine was about Glenn. But maybe it also meant that her dislike for Artie had lessened a bit over the years…

“Hey Artie, how are you?”

“Pretty good. I guess I don’t have to ask about you? That was a pretty cool show,” Artie said. “Tina’s insisting on watching every week.”

“I know,” Blaine said, “she keeps writing me to make sure Sebastian isn’t being inappropriate. And then low-key asking for gossip, in case he is.”

“Yeah… her feelings are complicated,” Artie said.

“Congratulations by the way, I read about your award. You really deserved it,” Blaine said.

“I would have loved to have you on board, but I guess there’s no winning against Frozen,” Artie said.

Or Santana, and Blaine couldn’t help feeling a bit let down. God, he would have loved working on that movie…

“Do you have any new shows lined up?” Artie asked.

“Not at the moment,” Blaine said. He had promised to start looking, but so far there had been nothing that really gripped him. There were a few shows that he knew he could probably do, but he hadn’t felt anything. Just the idea of doing another show he didn’t burn for, giving months of his life to something that just drained him, made him feel faceless and coreless, and exhausted… He didn’t even want to think about it. “What about you? Any new movies planned?”

“No, actually I haven’t,” Artie said.

Blaine felt another wave of disappointment hit him. A part of him had hoped this wasn’t just a social call, that there was a new project, something he might even convince Santana to let him do, now that he had nothing else going on and Artie had proven he could be successful.

“There’s something else, though. And I was hoping I could maybe get your help with it.”

Blaine bit his lip and tried to calm down, but he couldn’t help the new surge of hope. “Oh. Sure, what is it?”

“It’s more of a group project I’ve been working on with a few friends,” Artie explained. “It’s for a TV show. We think we might even get a deal with Netflix.”

“What is it about?”

“It’s a fantasy thing. Dark and gritty, still fun though… Not quite Game of Thrones, sure, but I think there’s a market. It’s based on a polish book series, but they made a few video games of it, so there’s definitely an audience ready. Have you heard of the Witcher?”

“I never played it,” Blaine said, “but I’ve heard of it.”

“One of the characters is a bard travelling with the main character,” Artie said, “he’s the fun sidekick. Goes around the world singing, annoys the hell out of the main character. Imagine the dynamic between Shrek and Donkey, but both are good-looking dudes. And you know, one of them can sing. We actually decided to feature two of his songs. Not like a title song, but… I think they’ll make an impact with people. That’s kind of where I hoped you would come in.”

“To write the songs?” Blaine asked.

“I’d hoped you’d perform them,” Artie replied. “We’ve talked it through, and I honestly think that’s what’s going to help us close the deal. They’re good songs, and you’d sound great.”

Blaine’s eyes widened. He couldn’t deny being intrigued. It was certainly not in line with his usual Broadway fare, but honestly, that made it even better. Sure, there was a big chance for it to crash and burn, or go nowhere. And still…

“I know, Santana might throw a fit,” Artie continued. “You don’t have to actually take the role. I mean, I’d love it if you did, but it would already help if you just said you would until we got the foot in the door, and you can always come up with some scheduling conflict afterwards if you want an out. Honestly, I think this is going to be kind of big. Not Game of Thrones big. But big.”

“Artie, nobody’s talking about Game of Thrones anymore,” Blaine said, “we’ve all collectively decided to forget it ever existed.”

“Yeah, well, I hope that won’t happen with this show,” Artie said. “You don’t have to answer now, I know you’re busy with dance training. But you know, that’s just two more weeks. So… would you think about it?”

“Of course I will,” Blaine said. “I’ll get back to you on that, okay?”

“Awesome. So, I’ve got to go, but we’ll talk soon?”

“Absolutely. Give Tina my love,” Blaine said.

When the call ended, he put the phone on the table. His head felt like it was spinning. Was this possible? Could he somehow get Santana on board with it? Because… honestly, he kind of wanted it…

“What is Artie doing now? Please tell me it’s not another zombie thing.”

Blaine had almost forgotten that his husband was still in the room.

“He’s planning a TV show,” he said. “It could be interesting.”

“I thought you were looking for another Broadway show,” Kurt said, frowning.

“I am,” Blaine said, “it’s just… it wouldn’t hurt to branch out from time to time, don’t you think?”

“Why? Casting directors for Broadway shows won’t be too impressed by some weird TV show. Knowing Artie it’s probably something with zombies or robots or monsters….”

“Monsters,” Blaine said.

“See? I’m not saying they have no merit. I’m just saying it’s kind of a narrow niche. And it’s so easy to get typecast.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes I already feel typecast. This could be breaking out of that,” Blaine said.

Kurt stared at him. “Typecast? You’re not being typecast. Tony, Charlie Price, Princeton, Prince Hans… You can hardly complain about too little variety.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Excuse me? Of course, we need to talk about this,” Kurt said. “You think this doesn’t concern me as well?”

Of course, Kurt hadn’t once asked Blaine for his opinion about taking yet another role with Jackie. Probably because he would have known what the answer was. But he already knew he wouldn’t get anywhere with that, so he tried a different argument. “Well, maybe it could boost you. Aren’t you doing a monster show?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I told you, she’s leaning into the psychology. What is life, what is evil… it’s not just about a monster.”

Suddenly, Blaine felt tired. This was what his life turned into, wasn’t it? His marriage was more of a business partnership, and his career that he had wanted so badly felt stale. It was easy to be happy away from it all, losing himself inside Sebastian’s embrace, running away from his life if only for a few hours, pretending nothing else mattered but the now.

But it was pretending.

He was married. His career rested on that marriage, as did Kurt’s. Their lives were interwoven. Sure, he could tell Kurt he was being ridiculous, just put his foot down and say he’d do whatever he wanted to. Blow the house of card up, once and for all. He wouldn’t even need Sebastian for this.

It was easy to wish it all away. But just thinking about the consequences….

He hadn’t noticed Kurt had approached until he felt a hand on his arm, tentative as if he wasn’t used to the gesture anymore.

“What is going on with you?”

A few months ago, this might have been enough, just a reminder that Kurt still cared, or even noticed something was wrong. But now, especially with this own conscience weighing him down, Blaine just felt more exhausted.

“It’s nothing,” he said, even as his head was ringing, even when he knew he couldn’t convince anyone with this.

It felt like his life had gotten out of control. Like he was on a train, speeding up on a track that led to somewhere he wasn’t even sure he wanted to be at anymore. But he had no control, no lever to work on, no way to switch tracks, all he could operate was the emergency break.

Sebastian.

But at the speed he was running down that track, a break could only mean a derailment. The total destruction of all he had going for himself right now.

Still… it was tempting…

And on some level Blaine wondered, if the decision was even still in his hands, or if that too had become an inevitability.

* * *

_Not a drill, guys. I repeat, NOT a drill. #Klaine4Ever #KlaineBaby_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay, hiding from the real world


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is definitely the longest chapter I've ever written and I will never ever do it again. Feel free to read this one in chunks, because it's... a lot.  
> Also, there'll be an epilogue now, so that's what the /4 is about.
> 
> Thank you guys for taking on what has become a very special experience for me. This fic has felt like a fever dream at times, turning me at least semi-obsessive, and it was just such a fascinating thing to write.

* * *

_look, guys, you know me. i don’t really care about drama and personal lives. and i know, i’m the weirdo. i got into the whole thing with Sunset. yes, the zombie movie. yes, i know. not a good zombie movie. confusing. bit pretentious. but damn, if blaine anderson didn’t catch my eye with that one. saw one interview, i was hooked. then i saw a video of him singing, and i was like gone. so yeah. not here for the drama. don’t really care about #klaine4ver and #saveblaine or #klainebaby or this #seblaine nonsense you people come up with. just here for blaine._

_but guys. just… look at these. i won’t be the first to tell you, this guy has a smile to rival the sun. and now look at it._

_blaine at the premiere of west side story_

_blaine at his friend sam evan’s wedding_

_blaine when talking about Sunset_

_gorgeous. happy. beautiful. you’d die for this smile, and don’t pretend you wouldn’t._

_and now keep going._

_blaine at the cast party of rebecca_

_blaine with kurt at the wedding of their friend rachel_

_blaine as hans in frozen_

_and sure, you could say these are bad shots, or just glimpses, that nobody looks super enthusiastic all the time. but there’s something seriously different about his smile. and the further you go into his career, the less you see this blinding/happy/let me embrace the world smile. it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, it looks more practiced. less open. I honestly think we’re seeing him get less happy, more tired in real time in front of our eyes. and it just raises questions._

_is he happy? is he just getting exhausted? is there something going on we don’t know? health issues? family issues? marital issues? i don’t know. it’s not really any of my business either. i don’t really know the guy. literally only saw him once when he gave me an autograph, and i promise you, that smile could have lit up a black hole._

_but i’m worried about him. blaine is not okay, and i really hope he has people in his life who can see it._

_that’s all_

* * *

Blaine’s head was filled with the violins of the tango, steps of choreography, and above it all, the warmth of Sebastian holding him in his arms. Still, returning to his apartment after practice, he was exhausted, and honestly, he was starving. He wondered if there was anything left in the fridge, or whether to order.

But when he opened the door, he was greeted with the smell of food and the sound of soft classical music playing in the background. Confused, Blaine put down his bag and walked into the dining room.

The table was laid for dinner, decorated with candles and flowers. On the counters, he could see several containers, probably to keep food warm. There were wine glasses filled with a softly pink liquid, and there were two bottles on the table.

It was absolutely beautiful, and Blaine felt his heart drop. His eyes darted around the room, looking for where the scene was being filmed from, as he wondered why on earth Santana hadn’t warned him about this. His second thought was that he must have forgotten an anniversary, but he couldn’t come up with anything.

Kurt was standing at the head of the table, watching him with a certain bemusement.

“Don’t look so shocked. It’s just dinner. Well, a very nice dinner, but still…”

“It’s beautiful,” Blaine said, approaching the table with what he hoped wasn’t completely obvious hesitation. “May I ask the occasion?”

“No occasion,” Kurt said, “just a romantic surprise. We haven’t really had any of those lately, at least not just for us.”

“And this is?”

“No phones, no pictures, no videos,” Kurt said. “Just dinner. Come on, sit.”

Nodding, Blaine followed, and sat down. Looking to his plate, he felt… detached. Almost like he was in that recurring nightmare, where he suddenly had to take an exam he hadn’t prepared for even the slightest. Like there was something going on here that he should have known, but couldn’t put his finger on. Like everything was going to tumble down right in front of him.

“I got the food from Moderna. You know, that restaurant Rachel told us about?” Kurt said. “Our starter will be a shaved Brussels Sprouts Salad with olives, almonds and a green apple vinaigrette. The main course is grilled quail over a bed of beluga lentils with honey, grains of paradise and hearts of fire. Dessert will be a satsuma and Riesling sabayon. All paired with a white zinfandel.”

Kurt raised his glass and Blaine could just so keep up to return the gesture. It was nice, it should be nice, and lovely, but… they hadn’t had a dinner like this in years. At least not one that wasn’t at least partially posted all over their social media. None that was real. And now, he felt like he’d forgotten what to even do in a situation like this.

A date night.

Except… of course he knew what to do with a date, hadn’t had a hint of hesitation when it had been Sebastian preparing dinner, and wine.

It was obvious, of course, what the problem was. It was bad enough to have an affair when his marriage was basically on life support. But this… this was romance, that he barely even connected with his marriage anymore. A form of intimacy he’d thought had died, that he’d yearned for, for so long that now…

Now, it felt foreign. Strange. Like it didn’t belong into these walls, into their lives.

But how could he express any of that, without confessing what he’d been doing?

“Do you like the wine?” Kurt asked.

“It’s lovely,” Blaine said. With Sebastian, he’d felt a bit of a challenge to boast about his knowledge. With Kurt, he knew it wouldn’t be welcome. The salad was gone fast, surprisingly small portions he didn’t mind. He couldn’t quite tell whether the bitter taste was from the brussel sprouts or his own feelings of guilt.

He had wanted this, missed this for so long. But now that he had it… it didn’t even feel like he wanted it anymore.

“This is really nice,” he said, if only to say anything.

“Well, I hope so, with the prices Moderna is charging,” Kurt said, as he plated the main course from the containers. Blaine remembered the name, wondering what parts of it even were. Grains of paradise and hearts on fire… something resembling peppercorns and small green, heart-shaped leaves with red veins.

When he put the plate in front of Blaine, Kurt was looking at him, and there was something hesitant in his eyes, as if he didn’t know whether to say something. When he sat down, he seemed to have come to a conclusion. “I just thought… Look, I know things haven’t exactly been ideal lately. I’ve been busy with Jackie, we haven’t really had a lot of time just for us. I know you aren’t too happy with how things have gone with all the PR lately. And I wanted to do something for us. To remember what it’s all about, and reconnect. Maybe we can figure this out.”

All Blaine could do was nod. He felt like if he even tried to say something now, it would all fall out. Instead, he smiled, prayed that it looked less like a grimace than it felt, as he carefully cut into the quail.

The food was delicious, even as the wine was too sweet, and even that realization hit Blaine with another wave of guilt. They managed some form of small talk, and Blaine was grateful for his experience in acting, because he honestly couldn’t say how he didn’t just run away from the table.

Instead, he stayed in his seat, making his way through the main course and starting with the sabayon Kurt served him, listening to his husband prattle on about the goings-on of his cooperation with Jackie, pretending he cared.

Judging from Kurt’s frown, it wasn’t quite as successful as he would have hoped.

“You’re not still having a problem with her?” Kurt asked eventually.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I just… Blaine, I don’t understand why you’re so opposed to this. Jackie has been really good to me,” Kurt said. “She believed in me. I don’t think I could have had the career I’ve had without her, and that helped with your career as well. And the shows she’s doing… you love these stories. You said it yourself, you even read the books. You read Frankenstein, and Dracula, and… honestly, you should be all over this. But every time I bring up a new project, you’re skeptical. And this… we could do this together. Can you imagine what it would do for our image if we were on stage together?”

“Can you imagine what it would do to our relationship if we saw each other 24/7?” Blaine replied. “Or do I really have to remind you how it went back in NYADA when I transferred into your classes?”

“That was different,” Kurt said, “we’re both adults, and honestly, we barely see each other these days… it would be a nice change of pace, don’t you think? Even now that I’m back from the tour, I feel like you spend more time with Sebastian than with me.”

There was that old bitterness again, even worse now that Blaine could say absolutely nothing against it. How could he call Sebastian harmless, or tell Kurt not to worry about it, when he was literally having an affair? Worse, when he was very aware of how much time he spent with Sebastian compared to his own husband, and still wished it was even more?

No, it was easier to deflect, to go back to the topic of shows and production companies.

“You know what I think about Glenn,” he said instead. “I just don’t think it’s too smart to put all your eggs in one basket. Especially one that is so likely to be rocked by controversy sooner or later.”

“He’s a sleaze, fine, but I don’t think he’s actually harassing anyone,” Kurt said. “Besides, even if you aren’t interested in Frankenstein, you have to think of something new. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Blaine said. Because that was how it went. He had to keep it spinning, forever and ever…

“I’ve heard that Tangled is looking for a Flynn Ryder. Maybe that’s more to your liking? I think Santana can schedule an audition for you.”

“I’ll think about it,” Blaine said. But just the thought was… sobering. Or rather, suffocating.

Kurt was watching him, the frown on his face increasing. “Don’t tell me you’re still thinking about Artie’s thing.”

Blaine didn’t even know what to say to that. Of course, he’d thought about it. Artie had sent him the sheet music for the songs, and he could imagine it so well… it would be fun, too, he could already tell. This could be something, and definitely something more exciting than another role he wouldn’t be able to tell apart in a year or two. But he hadn’t thought of it in terms of something he’d realistically do. Just the idea of the endless discussions with both Santana and Kurt that would require was exhausting.

“I’m just… tired, I guess,” he said, as if that would somehow get him out of the conversation.

“I’ve noticed. You do seem tired,” he said. “Even when you were doing Frozen, there was just something… missing.”

Blaine looked up, barely able to hide his surprise. It hadn’t occurred to him that Kurt had even noticed as much.

“It’s funny,” Kurt continued, “I can remember so well when we were just starting out, going to audition after audition, and we would have killed for an opportunity like that. And through it all, every moment of hardship, we knew it would be worth it in the end. But it’s always different when it actually happens, isn’t it?”

“It’s lost a bit of its glamor,” Blaine admitted.

“Do you remember when Rachel quit Broadway to do that TV show?” Kurt asked. “I couldn’t understand her. Sure, I supported her, but I just couldn’t imagine how she could turn her back on performing, especially this fast. And sure, it all crashed and burned, but I don’t think I would have understood even if she’d been successful…”

“Do you understand her now?” Blaine asked. “Don’t you ever get tired of it?”

“Honestly… no. Maybe it’s different because Rachel never had to look. She was still in her freshman year of college when she scored an opportunity some wait for a lifetime. I never had that. For me, it was a struggle. And who knows where I would have ended up if it hadn’t been for Jackie… But now? I couldn’t imagine anything better than this, being on stage, with everyone’s eyes on me, actually appreciating what I’m doing… it’s literally all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

Blaine tried to smile, and nod, but that feeling of exhaustion came back full force. And to think that for a moment it had almost looked like they were on the same page about something.

To his surprise, Kurt continued. “I couldn’t imagine anything I want more than performing. But it’s different for you, isn’t it?”

Blaine shrugged. “I love music. I love acting. It’s just lately… I don’t know. But yeah, I do understand why she did it. It’s all become a bit… stale. Shallow.”

“You’ve been different,” Kurt said. He spoke slowly, like this wasn’t easy. “And not just about shows. About us. How we present on social media. I mean, there’s always been some theatrics through it all, but I guess it’s been a bit more overt lately, and I… Look, I’m not blind. I can see you haven’t been happy lately. It’s like you’ve lost some of your spark. And you can overplay it when you’re in front of a camera, or dancing on stage, but… we’re not okay, are we?”

Kurt looked different. Younger. More vulnerable.

Blaine had to blink, surprised at how damp his eyes had become. Why were they having this conversation? Why now, after all this time? Now, when he didn’t even believe it could save them?

And what was he to say to that? Of course, they weren’t okay. They hadn’t been okay in such a long time…

He shook his head, silently, and hoped it was answer enough.

Kurt sighed, looking down. “I’m sorry. It’s just… we keep letting this happen, don’t we? Let life, and the world come between us, and… I guess I just didn’t see it sooner. I’ve always taken a bit longer to see the signs. But… we don’t talk anymore. And when we do, it’s more about shows, and contracts… but we’re not just business partners. We’re married, and we’re supposed to be a team. It’s just… it doesn’t feel like that, lately.” He stopped, took a deep breath, and looked straight into Blaine’s eyes with an intensity that made him feel transparent. “I want to fix us.”

For so long, all Blaine had wanted was for Kurt to see him. He’d gotten used to the idea that it just wouldn’t happen. But now, when it actually seemed to happen, Blaine wished he could just hide. But he had to say something, anything, if only to stop himself from letting it all fall out, his unhappiness, and frustration, and Sebastian, Sebastian, everything about Sebastian.

“How?” he asked instead, surprised how calm his voice sounded. “You say it yourself, we keep ending up here. And it’s not like anything has happened. we just keep drifting to this point. We don’t talk. We’re not intimate. We live parallel lives, Kurt. Tied together by an act, and it’s getting worse every day.”

“We can change that,” Kurt said.

“Can we, though? Then why haven’t we?”

It looked like Kurt wanted to protest, maybe argue, and maybe then this conversation would be easier to deal with. Instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, actively calming down.

“We’ve both been letting it slip,” he said. “And I know, I get lost in my head, and my career, and I also know that you withdraw when that happens, and I don’t notice until it’s almost too late. But I believe we can fix this.”

“Where is this even coming from?” Blaine asked.

“I thought we were doing fine. But lately… those hashtags, you know. Of course, that’s been there for a while. But now, with the dancing show… and of course, _Sebastian_ …”

Blaine sank back into his chair. Of course, that was what it came down to. Why was he even surprised?

“I talked to Rachel the other day,” Kurt said, as if he hadn’t noticed. “You know how a few years back she and Jesse had a bit of a crisis… I just thought maybe she could give me some advice on how they got out of it. There was all that stress of her career, and his productions, to the point that they only talked about business. You probably don’t know, but she was actually considering walking out on him.”

“I know, Rachel’s my friend too, remember?” Blaine asked. “She was thinking about leaving him, and then she found out she was pregnant.”

“Exactly,” Kurt said, “and they talked, put it all on the table, and then they decided to go through with it. And sure, it was hard work, but now they’re both saying little Barbra is the best thing that ever happened to the both of them. It literally saved their relationship, they’ve never been happier. No matter how hard things were between them, now they’re happy.”

Blaine’s hand stopped, a spoon with sabayon hovering in the air. Somewhere in his minds, there were alarm bells ringing like crazy. Oh, did he have a _very_ bad feeling about this.

“Well… that’s not exactly a move we can copy, though,” he said. “Somehow I don’t see an accidental pregnancy anywhere in our future.”

“Not an accidental one, no.”

And Blaine… froze. His mind was reeling, a part of him wanting to focus on the easiest part, the semantics, that clearly a pregnancy wasn’t in the cards for either of them, but he knew it was just putting off the actual conversation.

A child.

They’d talked about it, of course, especially after getting married. It had just been something they always saw in their future. At some point. In some way. But always in the abstract. It wasn’t like they actually ever had a conversation about this. Not a real one, not one that meant anything. Just the vaguest assurance that this was part of what both of them envisioned for their future. But nothing concrete.

“Rachel thinks it could work, too,” Kurt continued, as if he didn’t notice the shock Blaine was in. “And she’s willing to help us. You know, be our surrogate. It really would be the best choice if she did it. She knows what it’s like, she could help the child when she grows up, and she wouldn’t have to wonder where she’s coming from, when Aunt Rachel is there to clear up any questions.”

“Whoa, wait, can we… just… slow down,” Blaine said.

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh… how about you sounding like you have everything planned out down to the preschool, when we haven’t even talked about _if_ we’re doing this? Or how you’ve apparently discussed all of this with Rachel, before even letting me know this is something to think about?”

“Look, it’s not like I went out to make a battle plan with Rachel,” Kurt said, now looking slightly annoyed. “I was just talking to her – as my best friend – about something that weighed on me, namely how you and me seem to have fallen out of touch again. This is just where the conversation ended up, and of course, we started thinking about a few details. It’s not like we have a turkey baster waiting around to use the second I get you to say yes. This _is_ us talking it through.”

“I just… this doesn’t sound smart,” Blaine said. “Kurt, we’re… we’re barely talking. Do you really think we’re having the kind of relationship to bring a child into?”

“Why not?” Kurt asked. “It literally saved Jesse and Rachel’s relationship. Don’t you think it could do the same for us?”

“That’s not even what happened,” Blaine protested. “They weren’t a mess that was miraculously solved by having a baby. Just, when Rachel found out she was pregnant, they sat down and talked and figured out their priorities. That’s what saved their marriage.”

“Well, why can’t we do that?” Kurt asked.

“Why do you want to drag in an innocent child that has to deal with the fallout if we don’t manage it?” Blaine shot back.

“That’s not…” Kurt shook his head, the frustration clearly rising. “I just think it would help us. With both our careers, it’s so easy to get lost in the rush, and the fame, and forget the reality of it. You can’t forget a child. It would be an anchor for us, for our family. Besides… I thought, it could be a good thing for you, too. You said it yourself, that you don’t enjoy performing the way you used to. And I honestly doubt that taking another chance with Artie’s questionable ideas would make much of a difference. This, though… maybe this could be the break you need. Something different, something important. Don’t you think this could be good?”

Blaine closed his eyes, desperately trying to form a coherent thought. When he’d pictured his future, he’d just assumed there’d be a child at some point. But the idea felt so far removed from the life he was living, that he could barely imagine it beyond a vague “someday”. But this? _Now_?

“It’s a pretty big risk to take,” he said eventually.

“Well, go big or go home,” Kurt said.

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s what Santana meant when she said I needed a new project,” Blaine said. He knew, of course, his point had to be pretty weak if he had to invoke Santana in his defense.

Kurt made a face. “Santana may be our manager, but our personal lives are still our own thing. That’s not something she gets to make decisions over.”

So she knew, and she was not on board.

It was true, of course, she did not get a say in this, and Blaine really should focus on his own opinions. Why was it so hard, though, to say something? Well, probably because he was scared that if he opened his mouth, he’d say something along the lines of “I’ve been cheating on you for weeks”.

“Besides, she’s not all-knowing,” Kurt said, “there are plenty of fans who love the idea.”

Through the haze of his own worries, Blaine might not even have caught that if there wasn’t a flash of guilt on Kurt’s face.

“What? How would they even know?” he asked. “Kurt? Did you… tell anyone about this?”

“It’s nothing,” Kurt said. “Just… someone must have heard something, and now there’s this new trend going around… they call it #klainebaby. Not that it matters, it’s just…”

Blaine felt his hand shake as he took his phone out, and started scrolling. With the rehearsals for the semifinals, he had been too exhausted to scroll, honestly hadn’t felt such a strong inclination since he’d seen Sebastian’s interview. Now, there were tons of asks, mentions, and again and again, a new hashtag, #klainebaby, staring at him.

There were different reactions, although to Kurt’s credit, he was right, most of them were positive. Still…

“How exactly did this end up on social media, Kurt?” he asked. His voice was harsher than he meant, harsher than he had any right to be, but right now, he had something akin to an out of body experience.

Uncharacteristically, Kurt seemed lost for words. “I don’t… It’s… Look, I don’t really know,” he said eventually. “My best guess is that someone overheard me and Rachel talking when we were at the cafe, and posted it. The story going round is the rumor that we might be planning for a child, with Rachel as the surrogate. And of course, there are tons of discussions, how possibly one of us is actually having an affair with a woman they got pregnant, or fights whether we should use Rachel or Santana as a surrogate, or even that it’s just about one of us donating to Santana and Brittany … nobody really knows anything. But… doesn’t it affect you somehow? To read how supportive people would be if we did this?”

“It’s not their goddamn business!” Blaine was on his feet and glaring at Kurt before he even realized just how much he raised his voice. “I… don’t you see? This is _exactly_ what’s wrong with our marriage! This is such an important decision, for you, and me, and Rachel, and the _child_ , and… you have it polled on social media?”

“That’s not what-“

“Look me in the eye and tell me you had nothing to do with this,” Blaine said briskly. It might even be the first time since he’d started the affair with Sebastian that he even dared to look into Kurt’s eyes for more than a few seconds.

Kurt was looking at him wide-eyed, and Blaine honestly wasn’t sure whether he was shocked at the accusation or guilty because it was true. Then again, it had to say something that he was still silent, hadn’t launched a defense yet.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kurt said eventually. “The trend, the hashtag, social media… none of it matters. This is about us, Blaine. Nobody else gets to invade this space. Not our fans. Not Santana. Not Sebastian. It’s you and me. Like it’s supposed to be. Like we vowed, remember?”

Blaine stared at him, and all the indignation evaporated into nothing. They had made vows, and even if their marriage had turned into a complete train wreck, it wasn’t a justification for turning to someone else, especially Sebastian – of all people, the one person Kurt was afraid of the most.

“This is about you and me,” Kurt said again. “And the fact that we are worth fighting for. All we need is a little courage. Don’t you think we can do it Blaine? Aren’t we worth it?”

And Blaine… he didn’t know anymore. Suddenly, it felt like the floor had crumbled underneath his feet. He realized, he’d come to doubt so many things – Kurt’s love, his commitment, if they were meant to be – and come to terms with that change. But now, Kurt turned it around again, and suddenly, he wasn’t sure anymore. If he had been wrong about Kurt’s involvement, if he’d been mistaken about his husband not caring about him, then wouldn’t that make things even worse? Wouldn’t that mean he deserved so much more condemnation, had screwed things up in such a worse way?

“Would you say something?” Kurt asked, a certain exasperation in his face.

Blaine couldn’t exactly blame him for that. Then again…

“This is just so… out of nowhere,” he said.

“It’s not,” Kurt said, “Honestly, it’s the logical next step. It’s…” He sighed, and suddenly he looked a lot more tired than before. “Look, Blaine –I love you,” he said. “I want to fight for us. Because after everything… we deserve better.”

Blaine couldn’t even meet his eye, guilt weighing him down like lead.

“Now, I’m aware this is a complicated issue,” Kurt said, “and that you might need some time to figure out how you feel about it. And that’s okay. Take your time, Blaine. Take as much time as you need. But honestly… I think this is what will save us.”

“I’ll think about it,” Blaine said, very much aware of how weak his voice sounded.

When he looked up at Kurt, his husband was nodding slowly.

Still, as he looked away, back to the sad rests of the sabayon, he couldn’t remember ever feeling more lost than now.

* * *

Blaine still was in a haze when he returned to rehearsals. He wished he could just switch his thoughts off, focus on the upcoming semifinals, but instead, his mind was a jumbled mess.

He still didn’t understand why Kurt had dropped this on him now. Like he could use any more distractions from his dancing.

He just couldn’t stop thinking about it. To his credit, Kurt hadn’t pushed further, maybe because he’d known that would only be counterproductive.

Blaine found himself checking the posts about them, against his better judgment. Most people seemed to like the idea of a baby, and he just couldn’t understand them. There was always the occasional #saveblaine protesting the idea. But really, it was subdued. He bit his tongue, pushed his fingernails into the palm of his hands to stop himself from answering, from arguing with the idea of a baby. They couldn’t know, of course. They thought their relationship was perfect. Why not bring a child into a home with so much love?

But there was no love, and it barely felt like a home. How was he supposed to explain this to anyone?

He shouldn’t have to, of course, this never should have been a discussion for the public, but he couldn’t change that now.

It shouldn’t be hard. He knew better, knew so much better than bringing a child into the train wreck their marriage had become. The problem was… Kurt didn’t know just how much of a mess they were. He knew they weren’t working, and he knew that they weren’t happy, but he didn’t know the worst of it.

He didn’t know about Sebastian.

How could Blaine explain just why they couldn’t do this, without telling him about Sebastian? And even that thought felt wrong. The secrecy itself seemed to become a noose around his throat. It wasn’t fair, not to Kurt, but not to Sebastian, either. It all came down to Blaine, and his weakness.

It was never supposed to be this way. He’d never wanted things to be like this. At some point, he’d taken a wrong turn, and he wasn’t even sure what the mistake was.

And every day, that part within him that wanted to blow it all up, grew stronger, and he knew, he had to do it now, before he got even deeper into it, before another life got tangled into this whole mess. Now or never, and the thought of the charade going on forever nauseated him.

And still, he was paralyzed.

Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could almost see it, what would happen if the truth came out. That their marriage had turned into a sham. That Blaine had started an affair, with his dance tutor of all people. There’d be outrage, their image as Broadway sweethearts broken. Kurt might recover from it, if he really leaned into being the injured party, and if Jackie would protect him. At least until her whole production company fell to Glenn’s creepiness. And Blaine… well, he’d get to suffer the consequences. 

For once, he probably wouldn’t be hired to play a Disney prince ever again, and if was just that, he might be very tempted to do it. But that wouldn’t be the end. It would be a scandal, and he probably wouldn’t get hired for a while. And still, he was thinking beyond his career.

Burt’s face appeared in his mind, and he felt nauseated whenever he imagined the look of disappointment. His own parents wouldn’t care, of course, but it wasn’t like they were overly involved in his life anyway.

Santana would very likely kill him, if only for destroying her great PR project, and maybe a little bit about being angry he’d slipped an affair under her radar. It didn’t help that in the few conversations they’d had since the whole baby discussion started, she’d already sounded more furious than he’d seen her since back in high school, before she’d been forced to come out.

And the rest of their friends… they weren’t as close as they’d imagined back in high school. But still, if this exploded like he expected it to, there was no way they’d take his side. Rachel, especially, would be heartbroken herself. With Tina, he knew she loved him, but well, she loved _them_ as well, him and Kurt, considered them soulmates. Would she get over this? And Sam… god, Sam would forgive him having an affair, and would be the source of comfort he needed, but the truth was they’d become more distant as well. It had been necessary, gently keeping the one person at a distance who’d looked at his marriage with a critical eye. Sam would forgive him for an affair. But would he overlook that distance?

And the more he saw of those #klainebaby posts, the more another realization crept up on him. All these people and their investment in his relationship… just how would they react to his betrayal? Kurt might get some sympathy, but Blaine… he’d be the bad guy, the one who not only broke the picture-perfect love story, the one who cheated and had an affair, and broke Kurt’s heart. He’d also be the one to pull away the curtain, show them how fake it had all been, and how the public had fallen for it. That, more than anything, would not be easily forgiven. And if that wave of public opinion turned against him… it would crash on him like a tsunami, destroying his career would probably be the least of his worries.

What would he even do? What real life skills did he have to fall back on if his acting career died?

He wanted to turn back time, but really, he didn’t even know to what point.

It was all a mess, such an awful mess, and he didn’t know how he could possibly save it, how to stop it, or if, or…

The only thing that could distract him from it all was dancing, those few, rare hours when he could just stop thinking about his life, when following the steps required all of his concentration that wasn’t taken up by Sebastian leading him through the rhythm and their dance. It should make things worse, to have Sebastian right there, the center of the whole damn conflict, but still, this was when Blaine felt almost peaceful.

And even that didn’t work anymore.

Blaine knew he wasn’t the most observant person. But even now, with everything such a complete mess inside his mind, it was impossible not to see Sebastian was acting weird, too.

It was the last practice before semifinals, and even walking in, Blaine realized that something must have gone wrong. Sebastian looked tense, and there were hints of shadows under his eyes as if he hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night.

Even the dancing wasn’t the same. Sure, tango had different beats, although he’d always thought it was supposed to be more… well, smoldering. Instead, he could feel something boiling right under the surface, anger that Sebastian seemed to try and fail to suppress.

All through rehearsal, Blaine could feel it building up. Once they finished, Sebastian turned away from him, as if he couldn’t get away from Blaine fast enough.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, try to listen to some tangoes, get the rhythm.”

“Why are you being like this?” Blaine asked. “What… what’s going on?”

Sebastian stopped, already halfway to the door, as if he was struggling with himself whether he wanted to engage.

“Nothing,” he said eventually. “Besides, maybe we should get some professionalism into this.”

Blaine stared at him, not quite sure what he was missing. “Where’s that coming from?” he asked.

“Santana stopped by last night,” Sebastian said, a subtle clench on his face.

Blaine felt like a wave of ice water hit him. This couldn’t be good. If Santana knew… and he never could really tell what she knew, or how she’d react… “What did she want?” he asked eventually.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Relax, she doesn’t know,” he said. “We talk sometimes. Not a big deal. Usually.”

“What did she say, though?”

“Are you really planning to have a child?” Sebastian asked.

And there it was, just the reality he had wished he could hide from. Of course, it couldn’t be this easy. He knew, he had to say something, explain it, tell him that he wasn’t on board with this. But he couldn’t even from the words.

His silence seemed to be enough of an answer, though.

Sebastian’s eyes tightened, and he shook his head. “I started seeing that goddamn hashtag, and I thought it’s ridiculous,” he said. “No way in hell would you be this stupid. I mean, it’s not like you can have an oops baby, you’d have to actually pursue getting one. Got a bit hard to ignore, I’m not going to lie. But I thought… no. It’s too ridiculous. But then again…” There was something sardonic in his smile as he continued. “You McKinley people are always here for more drama, aren’t you?”

“Sebastian, I-“

“I was so sure it was nonsense. And then Santana comes in and starts ranting about how she’s been managing you guys for years, and then suddenly you come up with this ridiculous ide of a goddamn fix it baby.”

“That’s… it’s not like that,” Blaine said, even when he deep down wasn’t sure he believed it himself.

“Really?” Sebastian replied. “Because it really looks like it. I mean… wow. You guys barely talk, where the hell did you come up with the idea of throwing a child into that?”

He was right, of course. They were a mess, as he’d told Kurt. But as he thought about it, the memory of that dinner returned to him. How Kurt had seemed sincere for the first time in so long. And sure, his marriage had basically felt dead. But what if he’d been wrong? What if he’d been unfair, if he’d been the one who messed it up all along?

“It’s not even a real plan,” he said, within him the urge to defend the whole insanity like it wasn’t suffocating him. “Just an idea. A possibility. There’s no child, just… Rachel said she’d be our surrogate, if we wanted her to. And… I know, it seems crazy. I just… Kurt, he… He sees how broken we’ve become. And he wants to fix us. He thinks this could be something real, something to center us…”

“Yeah, hate to break it to you, but that’s a fix-it baby,” Sebastian said. “It’s what couples do when they know their marriage is doomed but they’re too stubborn to accept it. So they throw one of the most stressful things in existence onto a situation that is already this close to exploding, and then they’re surprised when it all goes up in even worse flames than it would have before, while putting it all on a freaking child. Which, as a former fix-it baby myself, let me tell you – doesn’t feel great.”

“It’s not like that,” Blaine said. “The idea isn’t that a child would fix the relationship. More like, we’d have to fix ourselves for the child.” He wasn’t even quite sure why he was defending the idea. Maybe, it was something about his guilt, how he did Kurt wrong with every single thing he shared with Sebastian.

“Well, then I hope you earmark a part of your income for the therapy that kid is obviously going to need once your sham of a marriage turns into a very real divorce.”

“There’s no kid,” Blaine said. “It’s just an idea.”

“Oh please. How often was there something he floated to you as just an idea, and then it happened before you could even decide how you feel about it?” Sebastian said.

It had to be a guess, although Blaine couldn’t deny it was scarily accurate. That was how their relationship went after all. At some point, very soon, actually, Kurt had started to lead, and Blaine was left to either follow or walk away. He’d never been strong enough to do the latter, or even to really admit to himself that he was sure if he stopped following, Kurt might be sad for a bit, but certainly wouldn’t change his path.

He couldn’t tell Sebastian any of this. He knew what it sounded like, knew what he’d tell any friend who described their relationship this way. He couldn’t even say why it felt different for his own life. He knew, he’d turned a blind eye to it all. But how could he analyze it now, lay it all out in front of Sebastian of all people, when his guilt over the affair had kicked in so strong – stronger even, since Kurt now actually seemed to see their problems, and try to fix them?

“He’s trying,” Blaine said, even as he was very aware that Sebastian had no interest in Kurt’s motives. “He’s seen it. This might not be the smartest idea. But he’s trying.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sebastian asked. “ _Now_ he’s seeing you’re having problems? After how many years? No wonder you haven’t walked out if you actually think that’s something to praise him for, for seeing the glaringly obvious after only a few years. If that’s what you think you deserve, I’m not surprised he can’t even be bothered with the fucking bare minimum. God, Blaine, do you not have any standards at all?”

“That’s not fair,” Blaine said.

“Not to you, it isn’t.”

“It’s not like that. It’s…” Blaine shook his head. “It’s not just about our relationship. He’s seen that I’m unhappy… not just with us, but even with acting, and Broadway… he’s seen it, he says it could be a break…”

“Oh, wake up, Blaine!” It was yelled in frustration, but now, Sebastian clearly had enough. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you? Fine! I will. He does not care about you! As long as whatever you’re going through doesn’t directly influence him, he doesn’t care! He sees you guys are broken? Or that you are unhappy? Give me a break. Do you seriously think he’d have cared if I hadn’t shown up in your life again? He only starts to care when he sees a threat to that cushy life he’s built on your back. And don’t give me that crap about _something real_. You think this child will be something real? It will be the biggest PR stunt in history. That kid’s life will be the damn Truman Show. He’ll hold it for a few weeks and smile in photos, until the glamor has worn off, or maybe until the reality of it sets in, with puke and full diapers and nighttime feedings, and then he can’t be bothered with it, and he’ll pawn it off to you. And guess what, the point of that is not to give you a break with your career. It’s to crash it.”

“What?”

“Oh, you need that spelt out, too? He’s jealous of you. He got himself typecast as the musical theater equivalent of a sparkling vampire in Jackie Daniels’ Melodramatic Monster Hour, whereas you have options. And now, wouldn’t it be oh so convenient to send you home to look after the child, while he’s out there and pretends to have the time of his life, while you’re too busy with a baby to realize your husband doesn’t give a damn about you?”

With Sebastian’s anger washing over him, Blaine found himself retreating, stepping back like that could do anything to keep the onslaught from him. Sebastian had always had a sharp tongue, although it had been a while since he’d lashed out like this. It shouldn’t come as a surprise. And of course, Blaine knew that it came from frustration, from being overlooked and rejected for something that brought so much misery. And clearly, Sebastian had never been good at dealing with frustration and jealousy, and didn’t Blaine know that better than anyone? Of course, this time Sebastian was so much more justified, because… Blaine _had_ been unfair to him. Not to mention that his assessment was so scarily accurate.

But even that realization was drenched in guilt. How could he really put the blame on Kurt for their wreck of a marriage, when he was the one having an affair, when he’d basically given up on them? How could he admit that Sebastian was right about it all?

“What do you want me to do?” Blaine asked.

“Walk away,” Sebastian said.

“I can’t!” It came out as a shout, stronger than Blaine ever had planned for. It wasn’t enough, not nearly everything, there were so many things he should say, explain why. How his life was rooted in this marriage, the things that scared him, family and friends, his career, and the backlash….

But even as he scrambled for words, he could see something change in Sebastian’s face. Something subtle, like a bit of the fire had gone out.

“You can’t,” Sebastian repeated. “We both know that’s bullshit. You could walk away any moment. You just won’t. Cause god forbid you do something for yourself.”

“It’s not…”

“It is, though.” Sebastian closed his eyes, and for just a moment, he looked unbelievably tired. “Well, I should probably be glad. Makes walking away a lot easier.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, why wouldn’t I? What’s here for me? If you won’t leave him, then what’s the point of this?”

Even despite the dread that was rising in his throat, Blaine couldn’t help a surge of warmth at the confirmation that this was supposed to mean something, even if it was all such a mess.

“I… I don’t know what to do,” he said.

“If you don’t know, that’s still a choice,” Sebastian replied. “So, go ahead. Stay with him. Waste your life as the trophy husband of someone who neither deserves nor appreciates you, and smile into the cameras, and pretend to be happy while he ignores you, and then your child, and keeps breaking your goddamn heart over and over again. But don’t expect me to stick around and watch.”

“What?”

“I’m leaving New York,” Sebastian said. “There’s literally nothing keeping me here.”

“But you said… I thought… You were getting a job here…”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? No luck there,” Sebastian said, a bitterness in his voice that showed Blaine that he wasn’t the only thing bringing the other man down. Not that the realization helped much against the lump in his throat. “I don’t have any opportunities here. What I do have is a job offer in Paris. And honestly? Nothing’s stopping me from going.”

“So what, you’re leaving? Just like that?”

“Yes, Blaine, just like that,” Sebastian said, that spark of anger back in his eyes. “Guess what, it’s not that hard.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian replied. “Don’t worry. I’ll still get you through the show. I still want to win this. Get something out of this whole mess, at least. But… this? You and me? That’s over.”

And just like that, Blaine couldn’t breathe anymore. He wasn’t even sure how he stayed standing, with his knees so weak he barely felt them. He should call out, step forward, grab Sebastian’s arm, pull him back, _anything_ but just stand here and watch Sebastian turn away, walk out of the studio, and in a way out of his life.

Only when the door slammed shut, he realized he was crying.

* * *

_yup. chemistry. that’s totally chemistry. they don’t look like they hate each other at all. totes seeing the #seblaine. not. #klaine4ever #dancingwiththestars_

_i really want to know what’s going on there, but… something must have happened #dancingwiththestars #tango #saveblaine_

_passive aggressive tango #dancingwiththestars #seblaine_

_when your sidepiece finds out you’re having a baby #seblainevsklaine #klainebaby #dancingwiththestars_

_did they break up or sth? #seblaine #dancingwiththestars_

_You people are so gross. There’s no affair, so there can’t be a breakup. Just be happy for @blainetheanderson and @kurtelizabethhummel, and maybe about Blaine getting into the finals. #Klaine4Ever #KlaineBaby #DancingWithTheStars_

_okay, ignoring the ship wars… is @blainetheanderson okay? cause… i don’t think he’s okay #saveblaine #dancingwiththestars_

* * *

Somehow, he’d made it into the finals. He still had no idea how. Some mix of the judges praising their “unusual” tension and chemistry, and one of his competitors literally tripping over their own feet. Either way, he got one more week.

One week until the show was over.

One week of this new, professional, distant Sebastian.

One week of twirling and spinning in another waltz, Viennese this time, and acting like his heart wasn’t breaking.

One last week until Sebastian would walk out of his life forever.

It closed up his throat, made it almost impossible to eat, even to breathe. With everything going on, he should feel worse that this was what broke him. Losing Sebastian, the affair that had been wrong from the start. And still, losing him hurt worse than realizing what a complete train wreck his marriage had become.

If Kurt noticed something was wrong – more than usual, at least – he didn’t let anything on. Or maybe he thought Blaine was still contemplating the plan of having a baby. He should do that, probably, or at least talk to someone about this.

He couldn’t focus. Not on the future of his marriage, or the potential child, not even about what he was going to do next. Kurt was leaving the script for Frankenstein out on more and more prominent spots in their apartment, and Blaine couldn’t even find it in himself to be annoyed about it.

But somehow, he had to keep going. So he tried to pretend he wasn’t as broken as he felt, and tried to stick to his script. And tonight, that script said to play the supportive husband at the Bailey Morris Late Night Show, where Jackie and Kurt had an interview spot to promote Frankenstein.

Really, he wasn’t sure why his presence was needed, just that Kurt had insisted on him coming. Maybe to show some unity after all the rumors that had started since the beginning of Dancing With The Stars, or maybe the talk about their potential baby. Normally, Blaine wouldn’t have minded. It was all part of the role, the supportive husband.

_Trophy husband_ , Sebastian’s voice muttered inside his head, and he tried to ignore it.

He’d feel a lot more comfortable about all of this if he hadn’t ended up sitting besides Glenn of all people. The guy hadn’t wasted a moment to start staring, leaning in too close to make completely vacuous observations, his breath stale with beer.

As he sat in his seat, trying to move away as discreetly as possible, Blaine wondered how this evening could get any worse.

Bailey was bubbly as always, discussing Jackie’s former shows as well as the rumors that there’d be a movie adaptation of her interpretation of Dracula. He made sure his smile was wider when Bailey’s attention turned towards Kurt, assuming the camera might be on him now more than occasionally.

“So, Kurt, I bet you’re at the edge of your seat like the rest of us. In case anyone has missed it so far, Kurt’s husband is in the final round of Dancing With The Stars. Any spoilers on what dance we can expect, Kurt?”

To his credit, Kurt’s smile almost looked genuine. “He won’t even tell me, he’s so dedicated to the show. I could almost get jealous over it, but then again, dancing is just another kind of acting, right?”

The only kind of acting Blaine was focusing right now was not to look like he wanted to scream.

“That’s certainly a way to say it,” Bailey said. “Although, if you’ve been on social media just a fraction of the time I’ve been, you probably heard that there’s something else we all are dying to hear about.” She looked to her side, where the big screen had gone from a shot of the Dracula production to a line of text. #klainebaby

“Any news on that front?”

“Oh, well,” Kurt said with a laughter that barely sounded fake, “there’s not that much to talk about. We may have been thinking about expanding our family, but at this point, I can’t really confirm or deny anything.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t give us a little bit?”

“All I can say is, I for one will be busy with a different way of creating new life,” Kurt said with a wink.

“Let’s hope if you ever do have a baby, it will go a bit better for than it did for Doctor Frankenstein,” Bailey said, laughing. “Although… you didn’t mention what your husband is up to next…”

“Well, you’ll have to wait a bit longer for that,” Kurt said. “Although, I’d still love it if he decided to join the Frankenstein crew. I think there’s a lot of chemistry between Victor and his best friend Henry that deserves exploring.”

Blaine froze in his seat.

Even Bailey seemed uncertain for a moment before she turned towards Jackie. “Better chemistry than between a married couple is probably hard to find.”

“Chemistry _is_ important,” Jackie said, a light frown on her face. It didn’t seem like she’d been aware that the conversation might go into this direction, nor did she appreciate it. “But casting is a difficult process. At this point, I can’t really say anything.”

“And what do you say, Blaine?”

Before he could begin to answer, Glenn moved in closer, right into Blaine’s personal space, putting a hand onto Blaine’s shoulder.

“If I may interfere, as Jackie’s financial partner I’d like to weigh in that of course we’d love to have Blaine on board with this project. There’s always an audition spot open for him, given how closely we’ve worked with Kurt in the past and present. I think we could arrange something.” His voice dropped to a whisper, as his gaze dropped as well. “You know, if you _really_ want it.”

Something snapped.

Without thinking, without taking a moment for anything he was pushing Glenn away, unable to hide the disgust on his face.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

Apart from gasp, the studio around him fell silent. And Blaine knew… this was bad. For so long, he had learned to push down his feelings, and pretend he was fine. To do what he was told, what was expected. Play the supportive husband, smile on stage, and in interviews, follow the script, because the consequences of going off-script were too daunting. The script for this situation was clear. Smile, say something trite, shrug off Glenn’s hand like it was nothing, direct the attention back to Kurt and his lead role.

He’d gotten wildly off script, and in the corner of his eye, he could see Kurt’s shocked face, the utter surprise Bailey showed, shock in the audience around him, and on Jackie’s face an expression that was way too calculating, like she wasn’t even surprised, and was already spinning scenarios for damage control in her head. This was bad, this would be so much trouble, and Blaine…

Breathed.

“No offense, Jackie, but I have about as much interest in taking part in that production as your partner here has in the concept of personal space, by which I mean I’d rather gouge my eyes out.”

The first person to react was Bailey, her smile blindingly perfect as she spoke. “Well, if that ain’t the perfect point to switch over for a word from our sponsors.” It was followed by a barely audible hiss of “Commercials. _Now_.”

* * *

_i’ve been telling you, he is *not* okay #saveblaine_

_omg he could probably shoot someone and you #saveblaine people would go on about how he’s so poor and misunderstood. #kurtdeservesbetter_

_god forbid @blainetheanderson is ever held accountable for literally anything_

_either way, looks like a super healthy marriage #lolklaine_

_did this producer guy do anything? like… he did look super creepy #saveblaine #himtoo?_

_or maybe he’s just pissed only to be offered a secondary part besides @kurtelizabethhummel leading? #lolklaine #kurtdeservesbetter_

Even as Blaine’s eyes were fixed on the screen of his phone, he barely read the words as he scrolled through the posts. Kurt was still going on about the interview, angry and confused about what Blaine had been thinking.

The words didn’t even register.

It had been stupid, and careless. It shone a bad light on Kurt’s show, on their marriage, and even Blaine’s own attitude. That much he had gleamed from his scrolling. Some people worried about him, others saw it as a sign that his marriage was on the brink of failing, even when enough people seemed to think his reaction to be condescending, like he thought himself too good to play a supporting part opposite his husband’s lead role.

It had been stupid, careless, exactly the thing Santana would be furious about, and for just one moment… he had felt free.

“What is going on with you?” Kurt asked. “Are you even listening?”

Blaine looked up, but even the anger didn’t faze him right now. He was floating, like he’d been since the moment Kurt had thrown things off-kilter, but it felt… different.

“If we want to fix this, you can’t just leave all the work to me,” Kurt said.

In some part of his mind, there was still that urge to defend himself. To point out how Kurt hadn’t been carrying anything, had left Blaine to scramble, and now just suddenly decided things should be different. They were good points, Blaine knew it. Still, he didn’t feel like bringing up any of them.

“This wasn’t even about us,” he said instead.

“And you don’t think this will reflect on me? Jackie was furious,” Kurt said.

“Yeah, well, I somehow doubt she hasn’t been expecting something like this,” Blaine replied.

“I can’t deal with you if you’re being like this,” Kurt said, shaking his head. “I’m going to Rachel’s. Call me when you’re ready to act like an adult again.”

If he was waiting for a protest, he’d be disappointed. Blaine remained where he was, without arguing, just staring at his phone even as the door was slammed shut moments later. Again, he couldn’t stop himself from scrolling, his eyes scanning over even more messages about his little freak out without taking them in, as if he was on autopilot.

He stopped only when a text message came in. Just three words, barely even a sentence, and he couldn’t even bring himself to read them, register them beyond the name of the sender.

Sebastian.

His hand stilled. Somehow, slowly, the world came back into focus. The tips of his fingers and toes were tingling, just the hint of feeling returning to them.

_are you okay?_

He didn’t know. Probably not, but how was that different from the last days… weeks… months… Hell, he didn’t even know anymore. He knew he should answer, give Sebastian something, _anything_ , if only for reaching out when they had left everything as such a mess. But what was he even supposed to say?

The doorbell rang.

Blaine froze, staring at the screen of his phone, even as the ringing continued, more insistent than before. He could barely breathe, as he slowly turned his head, as if that could tell him who was on the other side.

It couldn’t be Sebastian, of course not. He wouldn’t just show up on his doorstep – not on the door of the apartment Kurt was living in, too – but somehow…

It had to be him, and Blaine didn’t know what he’d do if he saw Sebastian right now. Something stupid, and careless, and…

He was on his feet before he could finish the thought, hurrying to the door as if another second of hesitation would lead to him opening it to an empty corridor. He pulled the door open, and in this second, there was no hesitation or pride or anything. All he wanted was to feel Sebastian’s arms around him, make him forget about this mess for a moment, and maybe, please, maybe lead him out of it…

In front of him was Santana, a dark expression on her face.

“Is Kurt home?” she asked instead of a greeting as she walked right past him.

Well, if she was using real names, the situation had to be serious.

“He’s gone to see Rachel,” Blaine said as she followed her inside.

“Good,” Santana said. “That will make this a lot easier.”

She’d seen the interview, of course she had. And she had to be furious. This was probably only one of the reasons why she’d warned them about doing shows that were shot live, only one more piece of advice they’d ignored in the last few days. But before he could even begin to apologize for the mess, she fixed him with a glare that made him freeze completely, even before she said the words he should have known were coming at him sooner or later.

“Are you sleeping with Sebastian?”

Blaine felt like all the wind was knocked out oof him. He should have known this moment would come. He had known, had actively pushed it out of his mind. Of course, Santana would find out eventually. Of course, he wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever. He knew he had to defend himself, give an explanation – he knew already that denial wouldn’t work, could tell how his face was betraying him to the point that she didn’t need any further explanation.

She didn’t, just looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read, nothing of the fury he would have expected, more like even she didn’t know what to do with him. Eventually, she sighed, and walked away.

Blaine was frozen in spot, could just hear her move around the apartment and the sound of cupboards opening. What felt like an eternity later, she returned to put a bottle of vodka and two glasses onto the couch table. She poured generously, before pushing one of the glasses in his hand.

“Sit down. Drink up, we’ll need it,” she said.

He didn’t even dare to object.

“How long?” Santana asked. “No, wait. Let me guess. Slow waltz. That’s when they exploded over the whole chemistry between you two.”

“I’m sorry-“

Santana laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Why? Not like you cheated on me.” She shook her head, incredulous. “Can’t believe I didn’t figure it out. It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t mean to-“

“What, did you stumble and land very unfortunately on his dick or what?” Santana asked. “Spare me the bullshit excuses. Remember who you’re talking to.”

Blaine sighed, taking another sip of the vodka. It burned in his throat, too aggressive, but maybe he deserved that right now. 

“I know there is no excuse,” he said, “I just… I thought it was a one-time thing, and that was wrong in itself, but I thought…. that I could just forget about it, just one night, and then pretend that things are fine. But then… I’d gotten so used to everything being cold, and lonely, and he… he noticed. He saw me, and he listened, and he… he cared about me. And I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t not…”

Only now did he realize that Santana made no attempt to stop him. Instead, she had emptied her glass and was now pouring again for the both of them. And the more he looked at her, the more he realized something else. There was still no anger in the way she looked at him. She seemed more tired than anything else, and wasn’t that something Blaine could empathize with.

“You don’t have to tell me about your marriage,” Santana said. “I’m the one who sees behind the curtain, remember? I think in the last two years I’ve organized more of your dates than the two of you put together. Honestly, if Brittany and I lived the way the two of you do, I’d probably jump off a bridge.”

He stared at her, confused at how… compassionate she seemed, when he was so clearly the one in the wrong.

She noticed and snorted again. “What, did you expect some grand moral judgement about how cheating is wrong? You forget who you’re talking to.”

Well… she probably had a point there. It didn’t make him feel any better.

“Will you tell him?” he asked.

She was shaking her head before he even finished the sentence. “I have absolutely nothing to gain from exposing you,” she said. “And I’m very tempted to leave you to deal with this particular mess yourself. Then again, I should have seen this coming, and I was the one to even put you into the situation, so… no. No, I won’t tell him.”

“You’re not even angry,” Blaine said.

“Again, I’m not the one you cheated on,” Santana said.

“Yeah, but… you’ve put all this energy into portraying Kurt and me as the perfect gay Broadway sweethearts… this is kind of torpedoing all your work.”

“I guess I should be upset about this,” Santana replied, “it was a lot of work. But no. Honestly… I think I almost get it. Remember, there’s probably nobody outside of your little sham of a marriage who sees what’s going on as clearly as I do. Might even have a better idea of it than your husband has, at least.” She sighed and took another sip of her vodka. “It used to be fun. In the beginning, it didn’t even feel like work. It was a challenge, I was good at it… paid off really well, too. Don’t even think for a second you’d be where you are if it wasn’t for me. Then again… maybe that’s part of the problem.”

There was something soft, sympathetic in the way she looked at him, and even as he reminded himself that he didn’t deserve it, he couldn’t help feeling grateful.

“It used to be fun,” she said again, “but it’s changed, hasn’t it? Maybe it was a mistake to push you into the public eye like that. Hell, maybe it was even a mistake to push you into marriage back then. Brittany had this idea, sure, but… well, she would have lived if it hadn’t happened. And looking back, you really weren’t ready, were you? I’ve thought about that a lot, what would have happened if we hadn’t pushed you…”

“I don’t think we’d be here,” Blaine said. He’d thought about it, but this was probably the first time he ever voiced these thoughts. “If we hadn’t been married… we probably would have broken up long before Kurt met Jackie, and this whole thing started snowballing."

Santana nodded slowly. “Sounds about right,” she said. “And then, I made you a _thing_. And from then on… it got out of control. And now we’re here. The biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Now that’s depressing, don’t you think?”

“We all took part in it,” Blaine said, “and it wasn’t even like this at first. We thought it was something real. But now…”

“Now it’s all a charade,” Santana said. “Honestly, it was just a matter of time until one of you broke. What am I even saying? It was always going to be you.”

“Then why are you so nice to me? When I’ve been the weak link the whole time? Shouldn’t you be with Kurt, taking care of him?”

“I think Berry has that one covered,” Santana said. “And maybe I just don’t feel that bad about him.”

“I cheated on him.”

“Yeah, well, your marriage was fake anyway,” Santana said. “Or has been for too long. And it’s not like he’s not profiting from it. He gets to traipse his way through the canon of Tina’s teenage goth phase and pretend it’s a great career, he has you at home for the five minutes a year he feels lonely or horny, and people love him. He’s fine with this. You though? You got messed up. Plus, you’re way to naïve to look out for yourself. Someone has to.”

There was a lump in his throat, and he had to blink against the sudden dampness in his eyes. He knew he didn’t deserve this, and wasn’t sure where she’d even get the idea…

“And as someone looking out for you, here are a few things I’m telling you. I can’t do this anymore. Managing you guys. At least not in the way it’s happening now. You’ve become too much of a mess, and it’s honestly too unhealthy even for my tolerance levels. It’s been awful for a while, but this whole #klainebaby nonsense made it abundantly clear.”

“You’re not on board.”

“I yelled at Smythe for an hour about it,” she said. “And then he was so shocked, that it got me thinking, and then it was kind of obvious… Anyway, I don’t even understand how Kurt got the idea. Your relationship is dead and fake, and throwing a baby into the mix is just cruel. The point is, this has gone too far, and I don’t feel like I can go along with it. I’ll help you transition to whatever manager you want next, or maybe if you want to change the formula – and trust me, you should – then I can help you with that. I won’t tell Kurt about your affair. But honestly, I think you should.”

“It’s over anyway,” Blaine said. Not that it would change anything about having to tell the truth. Still, just saying the words made it so much more real. The pain from the other day, from watching Sebastian walk out of the room, soon enough out of his life, threatened to suffocate him. “He’s leaving. He’s going to Paris, and…” He shook his head, unable to say more.

He could feel Santana’s eyes on him, but he didn’t look up again, didn’t want to see the pity.

“I know I have to tell Kurt the truth,” he continued, “and… I don’t think I can do this anymore, either. None of it. My marriage is dead, basically, and pretending to keep it alive only makes me more miserable. I don’t think Kurt is happy, either. It’s just… it’s a mess. We can’t bring a child into this. I just… I think I want it to stop. And I know, there might be nothing left when it does, but… I can’t do this anymore.”

To his surprise, Santana took his hand, her skin soft against his. “You know he loves you, right?”

Blaine looked to their hands, unable to meet her eyes. “Love isn’t enough,” he said, “and we’ve tried again and again, and we keep ending up at the point where it’s just misery.”

She squeezed his hand. “Wasn’t talking about Kurt.”

Blaine closed his eyes, suddenly blinking against tears. She couldn’t know, not for sure. But still… he could feel something very similar to hope.

“You know,” Santana said after a moment of silence, “I listened to the songs Artie sent over.”

“Do you like them?”

“They suck and I think I’d rather be serenaded by Sugar Motta than listening to them again,” she said. “That being said, they _are_ catchy. And he has a point, this could be something. Either way, it’s going to be something different, if only because you actually seem to like the idea. I’ll call him tomorrow, tell him you’re available. If you’re still interested.”

“Yes,” Blaine breathed, surprised himself at the rush of longing.

“Well, good. I’ll take care of it.”

Again, silence fell between them. In a way, everything was said. Except that one last thing…

“What do I tell Kurt?”

Santana sighed. “Sorry, but I think that’s one you have to figure out for yourself.” She turned to him, and after a moment of hesitation pulled him into a hug. “I’ll let you sleep over it. Just… take care of yourself, will you?”

He nodded, pressing his face against her shoulder, and allowed himself a moment to just breathe, let her hold him up. “Thank you, Santana.” He pulled back, let her get up and walk to the door.

Just before she left, she turned back one more time.

“You know… Artie’s planning to shoot in Europe.”

It sounded like a new path opening.

* * *

Blaine barely slept that night. His thoughts were running in circles, going through memories of his life, his marriage, his choices… and to the future, of things to come, consequences, what he hoped for and what he was afraid of… at some point, he must have fallen asleep, but by the time his alarm went off, he was just as exhausted.

Kurt hadn’t returned home. It was probably better that way. It was hard enough to gather his thoughts as he ate a small breakfast and left for the studio, ready for another training session.

Sebastian was at the studio already, warming up as Blaine walked in. He looked up when the doors closed, and for a moment, Blaine felt completely transparent.

Santana’s words echoed in Blaine’s mind – _You know he loves you, right?_ – and they felt like a missing key, a lens through which he could see Sebastian, and understand. Not completely, given what a mess he was he’d probably never understand what Sebastian saw in him, but well enough.

As Sebastian was watching him, Blaine felt the softest smile.

“Hey,” he said.

Given their last real conversation, he should probably expect Sebastian to ignore him as much as he could while whirling him through the room. Still, between the text from last night and Santana’s words, Blaine felt hopeful, even more so when Sebastian’s eyes seemed to scan his face. Eventually, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards.

“You look like crap.”

Blaine couldn’t help letting out a short laugh. “I didn’t really sleep well,” he said with a shrug.

For a moment, silence settled between them, in a way he wasn’t used to. Awkward, loaded, like neither of them knew how to react. Eventually, Sebastian was the one to break it.

“I saw you on Bailey Morris,” he said.

“I know.”

There was another pause, as Sebastian seemed to consider what else to say.

“Are you okay?” he asked eventually.

And wasn’t that the ultimate question, the one Blaine had spent forever thinking about? Although really, when it came down to it, the answer was very simple. The problem was actually saying it. But if the truth was to come out, then maybe also the truth about this.

“No,” he said. “I want to be, though, and I don’t know how to get there, yet, but…”

And then, Sebastian was there, and finally, Blaine could let himself fall into his embrace. It felt like the rush of air filling his lungs after holding his breath for too long, something so vital that he couldn’t even understand how he hadn’t known that this, of course, was what he’d been missing. As his hands clutched into Sebastian’s shirt, and his arms encircling him, strong, and solid, and real, it felt like he could never want to be anywhere else.

“Blaine, listen, what I said the other day-“

It was too much. If Sebastian would apologize for that, for walking away when it would have been the smartest thing for him, and Blaine still hadn’t figured it all out… no, he couldn’t bear it. Quickly, he put a hand towards Sebastian’s lips, interrupting him.

“Please, I… I can’t talk. Not yet. I just… I need more time. Can you… God, I have no right to ask, I know you don’t want to be dragged into this mess, it’s just-“

God, he wasn’t making any sense, and somehow, Sebastian seemed to understand him anyway. Softly, he took hold of Blaine’s hand, pulled it down.

“I want to figure it out,” Blaine said, “I will, I promise, it’s just…”

And then, Sebastian’s lips were on his. Blaine found himself gasping against his mouth, pulling him closer, like he’d been parched, and this was the drink of water he’d needed.

When they parted, Baine looked at him, surprised, hopeful. “But I thought-“

There was something tired in the way Sebastian smiled at him. “Like I could actually walk away from you.”

Against all the exhaustion, Blaine felt the corners of his own mouth twitch upwards. “Like I could ever let you go.”

This time, the silence between them didn’t feel loaded, more like they could just be.

“What now?” Blaine asked, eventually. Vaguely, he could see the path ahead of him. Not far, just the next step to take into a misty future. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, and he knew there’s be so much he couldn’t even grasp at this moment. Then again, maybe this was the only way he could actually process it. One step at a time.

Sebastian smiled at him, as if he understood. “Now, we dance.”

Like he had weeks ago, when it had all started – really started – Blaine stepped into his arms, relaxed into the stance, just a moment to get used to it all, and then they danced, the one-two-three beat of the waltz thrumming through his veins, as he followed. It wasn’t quite the same, the Viennese Waltz faster, making him almost dizzy with the turns and spins in a speed he wasn’t used to, but just when it got too much, they stopped, moving from one foot to the other, swaying, catching his breath until he was ready again, and they stepped back into the turns and swirls.

It was hours of dancing, and training, and barely a break. At the end of their session, Blaine was tired, exhausted beyond belief, but he felt calm, even if he still didn’t know what was going to happen.

He felt beyond grateful for this, for Sebastian being here, still willing to give him a chance despite what he’d said. But then again, he understood it now. Sebastian hadn’t wanted to walk away from him, but rather from this in-between, the secrecy of it all, while watching Blaine holding on to a life that was making him miserable. And he needed to walk away from that, of course he did. But given the chance, he was willing to wait, show some patience, if it meant Blaine would come with him.

Blaine knew, this was just a temporary refuge. The moment he stepped out of the studio, he’d have to deal with reality, once and for all. He knew what he had to do, for once knew that he would do it. Still, thinking of the world outside…

“Blaine?”

Sebastian was watching him, attentive and concerned.

Blaine tried to smile at him, but then he realized there was no point. He didn’t have to wear a mask in front of Sebastian, who could see right through them anyway.

“I’m scared,” he admitted softly.

Sebastian stroked over his cheeks. “I’ve got you,” he whispered.

And really, that was what he needed. With a deep breath, Blaine rose to the tip of his toes and softly kissed Sebastian’s lips.

When he left the studio, he did it with his head held high.

* * *

Blaine would have expected to be terrified of this moment. Not that he’d ever pictured it, just the beginning of the thought of it sending him into panic. For so long, his life had revolved around Kurt. Even when he’d tried to move on before, it had always been an undercurrent. Combining their life into the chimera of a career had seemed like a good idea, because… without him, without _them_ , what was left?

It was time to find out.

And still, even as with every step of the way back towards their apartment the weight of it grew heavier, Blaine was not afraid. There was a calm in his mind he hadn’t felt in a long time.

This would be hard. It would be painful. He wished it hadn’t come to this. But there was only one thing he could do, only one path to take.

The apartment was empty, and for once, Blaine allowed himself to look, take it all in. He remembered how relieved he’d been back then to leave that loft at Bushwick that Kurt had loved so much. Once more, he’d thought it could be the new start he needed, that with this new step they’d finally make it, move onto the stage of their relationship that could actually be sustained. But how long had that worked, until this place, too, had started to feel empty, and cold, and foreign? The problem had never been the loft. It had been them, all along. How much time had they wasted trying to hold up something that didn’t have a chance to hold anyway? Or maybe it had been just him. Maybe if he’d let go, they both could have found happiness by now.

Of course, that line of thought didn’t bring him anywhere either. All he could do was to focus on the next step, one after the other. And right now, that next step was to get a bag, pack a few things. Just necessities. He wasn’t sure how the rest of the night would go, but… well, he had a feeling. When he was done, he sat down at their dining table, a cup of tea beside him, and he waited.

The longer he waited, the more this security and calmness faded away. He was getting nervous, watching the seconds and minutes tick down. Slowly, he realized that he had no guarantee that Kurt would even return from Rachel’s tonight. For all he knew, he’d insist on staying there, and then how were they supposed to have this conversation? But just as he thought of that, there was the sound of a key in the lock, and the door opened.

Kurt looked tired, and on the hint of bitterness. Not the best premise, but that couldn’t be changed. At least, he didn’t seem angry.

Blaine considered asking about Rachel, or anything simple, but decided against it eventually. Kurt put down his bag, looked at him for a moment as if he was hesitating himself – like he knew there was a conversation to be had, and maybe even that he wouldn’t be too happy about it. But he, too, didn’t seem to be willing to wait any longer. Slowly, he came closer and sat down opposite Blaine at the table.

“Are you ready to talk about this?” Kurt asked.

Blaine nodded. “I think we pushed this away long enough.”

“It’s been two days,” Kurt replied, a frown on his face.

Two days since the interview. Like that was actually the problem, and not just a symptom of the whole mess.

“I know,” Kurt said, “it wasn’t just that. I… Look, there’s nothing to be done about your little outburst there, we’re waiting for it to blow over and be done with it. But let’s not pretend this was actually about the show, or even Glenn or your discomfort with him.”

Blaine looked at him, surprised. Could it be this easy? Did Kurt really understand?

“I know it’s about the baby.”

Kurt looked at him with complete confidence, and Blaine felt himself deflate. And to think that for a moment he’d actually had hope… but then again, he shouldn’t be surprised. That was exactly the root of the problem, that they just didn’t understand each other. Of course, it had been about the baby as well, but that too was only a symptom and not the actual cause.

“Well, you’ll be glad to hear, it’s off the table,” Kurt continued. “Rachel… backed out.”

“Why?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “She talked a whole lot about it,” he said, “but what it comes down to is that she thinks we have problems that run a lot deeper than just not talking enough. She said… well, with all the concerns she had about Shelby giving her up, even when she was raised by two loving fathers, it was still traumatic to the point that she…” He stopped, and when he talked again his voice was higher in a parody of Rachel’s voice. “…can’t give up a child into a relationship unless she is a hundred percent sure it’s one thousand percent wanted and wished for.”

“And do you disagree?” Blaine asked.

“I just don’t believe that she has enough insight into our relationship to tell us we’re too broken to raise a child,” Kurt said.

“But she’s right,” Blaine said. “You said it yourself, we’re a mess. We’re not working. We haven’t in a long time.”

“Oh, now you’re on her side?”

“It’s not about sides. It’s about the truth,” Blaine said.

“So, you also think we have to… fix ourselves first,” Kurt said. “Fine. We’re not working. The child is out of the question now, unless you can think of some other friend of ours who’d be willing to help. But you’re not on board with that either.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m afraid, there’s only one option left. I think we need marriage counseling. Maybe Mrs. Schuster can help us again.”

Blaine closed his eyes, sinking down into himself. This conversation was running away from him, getting lost in details that honestly, didn’t even matter anymore. He missed that calm feeling from earlier, when he’d been so sure of what to do. Now, actually faced with Kurt, it was a lot harder to go through with it. And yet, he knew he had no choice.

“I’ve been seeing Sebastian.”

Kurt froze, all the blood seemingly rushing from his face. For a moment, seconds ticking away between them, he said nothing, just stared at Blaine as if he had seen a ghost. “Seeing him?” he asked. “You mean sleeping with him?”

The wave of shame was not unexpected, and still it hit Blaine with surprising force. He had to force himself not to look away, to meet Kurt’s eyes like he owed him that at least. Like it would make any difference.

“How long?” Kurt asked, his voice strangely hollow.

“A few weeks,” Blaine said. He wasn’t sure how detailed he should get, convinced that Kurt didn’t really want to hear it. “It started after the week I messed up the chachacha. After I was almost voted out, and… he offered me to meet in private, some extra training…”

“And you actually believed him,” Kurt said. The bitterness in his voice made Blaine nauseated. Then again, he couldn’t really cast blame for that. “Went right into his trap, and what, were surprised when he made a move on you?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Blaine said softly. “He didn’t… this isn’t…” He stopped, not sure whether to continue. But then again… if he was putting it all onto the table, then he couldn’t leave a doubt, couldn’t give Kurt the comfort of putting the blame on Sebastian, and hide behind some idea of being taken advantage of, when neither was true. If the truth was to set them free, it had to be the whole truth. “ _I_ started this, Kurt. Not him.”

“Why?”

Where to even begin? What could he say to explain himself, without trying to cast off the blame he knew he deserved?

“Kurt… you and I… we haven’t worked in… too long. I felt like nothing between us was real anymore. That we lived here, in this apartment, like roommates. And it wasn’t even living together. You had your life and your career with Jackie, and occasionally we’d do some PR stunt, play the perfect marriage, but the second the camera was off, it didn’t matter anymore. We’ve become a business partnership. And it worked, sure. Santana did wonders. But it wasn’t real. And I felt so… cold, and lonely…”

He could see that Kurt wanted to say something, to weigh in, and he could hear it already. How Blaine could dare to blame this on their marriage, or on Kurt, how he could possibly complain about being unhappy.

“I honestly felt like I had no control over what’s happening in my life. How everything is planned by others, and I just… float along. And then… he was there. And he listened. And he _saw_. And I… I felt different. Alive. _Real_. Suddenly, there was something real in my life, and… I couldn’t _not_ reach out to him.”

“So you let him in. Let in that snake who’s been trying to get to you literally since you met him. What a surprise.”

“Don’t put this on him, Kurt. He… this isn’t his fault. You’re not really angry at him. I’m the one you should be angry with.”

“Of course, I’m fucking angry at you!” Kurt yelled. “I’ve never been this angry in my entire life! How dare you? Are you seriously standing here, trying to get some pity, that you were so lonely that you had to fall into bed with _him_ of all people? Is this supposed to be a joke? Like your life has been oh so hard. Poor Blaine, the eternal victim, and of course I’m the bad guy, I’m the ice queen, and all you want is to be loved. And god forbid you’re for once not the center of attention. That’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? You have _everything_ going for you. You get cast in freaking Disney musicals, and then you can just lean back and do nothing, because hey, Santana or I or Artie or someone will show up sooner or later and find something for you to do. Whereas I have to work my ass off to stay in work, find roles, be relevant, and the _one_ thing that’s working for me, with Jackie and her plays? You keep whining about it, and want me to step away from that! And even then… god, I can’t even do one interview about the shows I’m doing without someone dragging you in. What’s Blaine doing? What dance will Blaine perform? What’s Blaine’s next show? It’s _always_ about you! And when I’m trying to take care of my own life – because god knows, no one else will if I don’t – you suddenly decide you’re not getting enough attention, and find someone else?”

Blaine flinched back. He’d expected anger, of course. Fury. And still, the venom of it, was a surprise. He forced himself to sit, not to move, not to look away. After all… didn’t he deserve this?

“And you have the _audacity_ to sit here and complain you were lonely? That our marriage is so broken that you just _had_ to sleep with him. Like you’re the victim in this! Like you’re perfect, the poor, long-suffering husband! If our marriage is broken, did you ever even consider you might have a hand in this?”

“I know I was wrong,” Blaine said, “I know there’s no excuse for what I did, but-“

“I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about everything! Do you seriously think you’ve been a model husband? It’s like you gave up on our marriage, long before he showed up. When’s the last time you did something sweet for me? Taken me on a date, made a compliment, a romantic surprise, anything? When’s the last time you’ve actually shown up for this marriage? No, you just do what you always do, you step back and wait till I… I don’t know, read your mind to find out whatever ridiculous problem you’re having this time!”

And Blaine… really, he’d been ready to deal with this, to sit back and let Kurt get it all out. Because what he’d done had been wrong, because he had cheated and betrayed their marriage, no matter how broken it had been already.

But this… this was something else. This was high school, sitting on Kurt’s bed, his throat closing up over Kurt flirting with someone else, and having to listen to accusations, how he was the problem, the alpha-gay, not complimenting enough, not paying enough attention, not doing enough. Just one more fight he’d taken, swallowed down to save what they had, had to bring it up again, now, even if he was wrong…

“I don’t need you to read my mind,” he said, before Kurt could start again, surprised himself by the anger in his own voice. “I needed you to care enough to _ask me_ , if you notice something’s wrong. That’s how little I wanted from you, just a sign that you care. And guess what – never got that. And if you bring up romantic gestures, or surprises, then sure. I haven’t done that in a while. But why is that always on me? You seriously sit there and complain about not getting compliments, or gifts, and… when have you done something for me, _ever_ , Kurt? And no, if Santana planned it, it doesn’t count!”

“Excuse me?” Kurt’s voice reached a new pitch, shriller than before, but this time Blaine refused the feeling of guilt at the observation. “You do not get to play the victim, not when you had an affair. With _him_! And guess what, you’re an adult, Blaine! If you have a problem, open your mouth and actually say it! Don’t sit back and wait for me to come running after you, but talk about it! Because guess what, no matter what all of social media seems to think, my life does not revolve around you!”

“Oh, trust me, you’ve made that very clear every fucking day of our lives,” Blaine replied. “And god, do I wish I’d seen it sooner.”

Kurt stared at him, for once like the rug had been pulled out from under him, like all the anger had collapsed in itself. Like he only realized now how broken they were. With the anger gone, all that was left was pain.

And just as fast, Blaine felt his own anger evaporate. What was he even doing here? Like lashing out and hurting each other would do them any good now… He thought back to the boys they’d been, hopeful, and enthusiastic, hopeful for a future together. But they weren’t these boys anymore, and they couldn’t go back.

“Kurt… no matter where we go from here… we are broken. I don’t see a way to repair it. Even if Sebastian hadn’t shown up. We were a mess long before he showed up. Because we keep coming back to the same problem. Can you try to let it go for once, to look at it from some distance? Ignore our careers, and our image, and our past and what we’ve been through. Just think about our lives. Be honest… you don’t like living with me. You never have. You need more space than I can give you, and I need someone who cares… who _likes_ to care for me. And we try to make this work, again and again, and it always goes the same way. You want more space, so you turn cold. And I withdraw cause I don’t want to bother you, and… you never come after me. But you realize things aren’t okay, and… Kurt, aren’t you tired of this?”

Kurt shook his head, disbelief clear on his face. “Life isn’t a fairy tale, Blaine. And neither is love, or marriage. It’s hard work. You can’t just put it aside because it’s not as much fun as it used to be.”

“You can’t tell me you’ve been happy.”

“I was, before you cheated on me again,” Kurt said, pain and bitterness battling in his voice.

Now, Blaine looked away, down to his hands and the wedding band on his finger. “I wasn’t. Not in a long time.”

Kurt laughed, and yes, that was the bitterness winning out. “Oh, that makes it okay then.”

“It doesn’t,” Blaine said, as if it had been serious. “What I did was wrong. But that’s not the point. The truth is, I’ve been miserable. And for far too long, I was too scared, of too many things. Of being without you, after half my life has revolved around you. Of what our friends would say, or family. And yes, even what would happen to my career, about backlash. But I can’t go on like this. I’m tired of being miserable, and I’m tired of being scared. I want to be happy, Kurt. I think you should be, too. And the truth is… I don’t believe you and I will ever make each other happy. We need to end this, once and for all. And maybe when it’s all settled… after we’re divorced… we can both move on and find happiness.”

Kurt stared at him. “Just like that,” he said. “All these years, and it’s that easy for you.”

Blaine sighed, shaking his head. “If it was easy, I wouldn’t have turned it into such a disaster.”

“Funny how that works out,” Kurt said. “He shows up, and suddenly, when you have someone new to jump to, everything hasn’t worked out for so long…”

“It’s not like that,” Blaine said.

“Do you expect me to believe that?”

“No. But it doesn’t matter.” He sighed, looking back to Kurt. He was honestly surprised to see tears on his husband’s face. “For what it’s worth… and I know, that’s probably not much right now… I’m sorry. For not speaking up. For not being honest. For letting it come to this point, instead of making a clean break. And for cheating on you. But there’s no future for us. I promise I won’t make this difficult. It shouldn’t be too hard to divide everything. But this, our marriage… it’s reached the end. ”

“I think you should leave,” Kurt said, his voice eerily calm. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

Slowly, Blaine nodded. “I know,” he said softly. He got up, and as he passed the table, he stopped beside Kurt. He looked to him, wondered whether he should say anything else, explain it again. But what would it help now? With a deep breath, he took his bag and walked out the door without looking back.

And if just before the door closed he heard one last sob, he pretended not to notice.

* * *

He should call Santana to warn her about what happened, and hope she’d try to come up with a positive spin. He should call his family, or maybe Tina, or Sam. Warn Artie that he was about to face some backlash. In short, he should be getting ready to the storm about to come, with a force he couldn’t even predict, far too dependent on what Kurt would do next. He should plan his life. His future.

None of it mattered.

He didn’t check his phone, he didn’t make a call or write a message, he didn’t even think. Not until he stood in front of Sebastian’s door, waiting for an answer.

It didn’t take long. When he opened the door, Sebastian looked… tired, relaxed, his hair mussed, and his clothes casual. He looked beautiful, and utterly confused.

“Blaine? What are you doing here?”

“I told Kurt,” Blaine said. “Everything. About us. About how miserable I’ve been. And that it’s over.

Sebastian’s face went slack. “Wait… are you serious?” he asked.

Blaine nodded.

“But earlier-“

“I know. I… It was coming for a long time, and I’m sorry it took me so long, but-“

“Come in,” Sebastian said, interrupting him. “Let’s not discuss this in the hallway.”

He followed Sebastian into the apartment, and when the door closed, he felt like a weight had fallen off his shoulders. He followed Sebastian when he went to a cabinet, pouring whisky for the both of them.

“Okay, slowly. What happened? Earlier when we were dancing…”

“I didn’t want to tell you. Not before it was done,” Blaine said. “I needed to figure it out first. Not that I really have, but…”

“Start at the beginning, maybe?”

Blaine nodded, taking a sip. “Sorry, it’s… I’m a mess. Not that that’s new…”

“Honestly, part of the appeal.”

Such a corny line, and still Blaine felt himself smiling. “I think that interview… it showed me something. I… okay, no, that’s… let me start again. The thing is, I felt so…. helpless, you know? Like I had no agency, like I was being thrown around between Kurt, and public opinion, and that charade of a marriage we were playing… and I had to sit back and smile… And it got so big in my head. Like, if our marriage was over, it would all be over. I’d lose my friends, and family, it would wreck my career, definitely my public image… I felt so claustrophobic, like I couldn’t get out. Like it had gotten out of control, like there was such a momentum that I couldn’t stand up against it. I’d stopped trying, honestly.”

Sebastian was looking at him, conflicting emotions running over his face, somewhere between anger on his behalf and pity. Blaine chose not to look too closely, but kept talking.

“When I met you at the airport… It felt like just one small thing that I could keep for myself. Like a little bit of warmth to keep me going. Stupid, right?”

“It’s not stupid.”

“And then you were there, at the show, and… you saw I wasn’t okay. You tried to make me feel comfortable, and secure, and…. My whole life had turned into this goddamn acting exercise, like I was always _on_ , always acting, pretending… my life was becoming so _fake_. But not with you. With you, I felt real. And for a while… it was enough. Just being able to ignore it all for a bit. To escape. Playing house. But then I’d always go back. And I know it wasn’t fair, not to anyone. Him, of course. But it wasn’t fair to you. And honestly, not to me either. But I was so scared… Everything was built on this, and it was all about to collapse. I knew it on some level. Maybe I was hoping for it, I’m not even sure. And when he told me we should have a child, I just… it was like running into a wall. And… you were right, of course. About all of it. I know, putting a child into this situation would be just cruel. And I knew that he didn’t really care about me, not beyond the superficial, or like for something you’ve just gotten used to, but… It felt like there were no options.”

He sighed, shaking his head. It was such a stupid thing to say. There were always options, after all.

Sebastian was watching him, still listening, careful, like he understood.

“Everything about my marriage…” Blaine continued, “it made me feel so numb. Everything was so cold. I barely felt anything. Even when I was hurting it was… distant. Tired. It’s like I didn’t even really feel anymore before you were there. But you… god, you made me feel things. Happy, and safe, and actually good about myself, and then, when you walked away… it hurt. You have no idea how much.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just…”

“Don’t. You were right to walk away from this. I was hurting you. You had to look out for yourself. And maybe I needed that. To see where it led, doing nothing. Honestly, the idea of losing you was… just devastating. Maybe that’s what pushed me.”

“Into freaking out on live TV?” Sebastian asked.

Blaine chuckled. “A bit, yes. It’s just… I was hurting, I felt like I was in such a haze, just thinking about screwing things up with you. And then I sat there in the audience, and Kurt was talking, and he sounded so happy. Because sure, our marriage is a sham on the verge of breaking, but the important things are still working out for him. His career, being in the spotlight… and his absolute adoration for Jackie, even when her partner is such a creep. And Kurt knows how I feel about that, and how I don’t want anything to do with them, and he still dredges it up. Like I’ll give in when it’s put into the public. And something just… snapped. I wasn’t thinking, and… just for a moment it didn’t matter that we were in public. For once, I was standing up for myself, even if it was just such a small thing. Turns out, not the end of the world. Such a small thing, and… if I can ignore it all for one moment… then maybe I can do it again.”

Sebastian sat up, watching him more closely, and it almost looked like there was a bit of hope in his gaze.

“I’m tired of going along with it. I want to have an agency in my life again. And maybe that means losing the person who’s been at the center of my life for… almost half of it. I’ll lose part of my family. I don’t know how my friends will react, although… that might not be that bad.” Honestly, that part made him almost hopeful. He’d been so sure to lose them all, but Santana’s reaction had surprised him. If she could see his point of view, actually felt protective of him, then would he really have to worry about Sam, or Tina?

“It might be the end of my career,” he continued. “I… honestly, I’m scared of that even now. The backlash… that could be brutal. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t live like this anymore. I have to break out of this dollhouse my life has become. No matter the consequence. I need it to stop. I don’t know what will happen… but if I make it through that, then maybe I can figure out to be happy. Do what I want.”

“What do you want, then?” Sebastian asked, looking at him with complete openness.

“I want to get a divorce,” Blaine said. “I want to leave all of it behind. I want a life where I can make my own choices, where things are real and not one long act. I want my privacy back. I want to do things I actually enjoy doing, not just tripping through the same plays over and over again.” He gulped, almost nervous as he looked up to the man sitting in front of him. “I want you. Not just some stolen moments, and pretending. But for real. And I want to be yours. Completely. If I… If I didn’t mess it up, if I didn’t make you wait too long, and-“

Sebastian moved so fast, Blaine could barely register it before he was pushed back into the cushion, Sebastian’s mouth on his, fierce and passionate, all the answer Blaine could ever need. And right here, with Sebastian’s weight grounding him, holding him, gasping against his lips, Blaine felt at peace again.

Sebastian pulled back, taking a moment just to look at him, and he was smiling, soft and happy, as he ran a hand through Blaine’s curls.

“You’re really serious, aren’t you?” he asked, even though Blaine could see it in his eyes, what he actually wanted to say but didn’t.

It was love. It had to be.

Even as the realization filled Blaine with warm, there was a stab of pain, just knowing that Sebastian was holding it back. Then again, it was better this way. Keep it unspoken, just a bit longer, until Blaine had untangled his mind enough to say it back. It was enough to know. For now, it was enough.

“I don’t deserve you,” Blaine whispered. “I know I’m a mess. But I’ll try. I will, you’ll see.”

“It’s okay,” Sebastian said. “We’ll figure it out.”

And maybe that was all they needed to say. Sighing with relief, Blaine pulled him back into another kiss. He had missed this, so much. And not just the lust between them, that rising need to get Sebastian as close as possible, clothes out of the way, to kiss him, to feel his touch all over. But just the warmth, the care. Really, it had never been just an affair.

The coming weeks would be tough, and scary, and he had no idea what really was coming towards him. But with Sebastian, he felt like he would be able to face it. Whatever would happen, he could finally believe it. He would survive, he’d land on his feet, somehow.

It would be okay.

* * *

In front of millions of eyes, Sebastian took his hand for their final dance. Their eyes met, a deep breathe, the music started – and the world disappeared.

Like weeks ago, they started whirling over the dance floor, the choreography more elaborate than he had ever imagined a waltz to be. And like their first waltz, he couldn’t take his eyes from Sebastian, even as the dance had sped up.

This was their final dance, the culmination of this whole show that had brought him together. And somehow, it didn’t matter. Not the audience, not the competition of it, not even the choreography that felt like it was embedded onto his muscles. He didn’t even care right now about winning, or perfectionism. All that mattered was the dance, Sebastian leading him through the steps and dips and twirls. In front of all the people around them, it was just them. All that mattered, was the music, the dance, and Sebastian holding him.

For some reason, that serenity carried over to when they stood together, waiting the judgement, as they watched their competition, and up to this point, standing side by side as they waited. Only then did his nerves return. He’d worked so hard, and he knew, either way, he could be proud for what they’d accomplished. Even if he lost now, he’d still gotten so much. Freedom… agency… the promise of happiness…

Sebastian’s arm was draped over his waist, and now he took Blaine’s hand, firm and solid, as he tried to look calm. It almost worked, probably did for most of the audience, but Blaine was very aware he wanted it just as much.

“And this year’s winners and new champions are… Blaine and Sebastian!”

The wave of relief and happiness crashed over him, his knees almost giving in. Even as his mind was struggling with the realization, trying to come up with any fault, like how he might have misheard, misunderstood, Sebastian was pulling him into his arms, and suddenly, it was real. They’d won.

He threw his arms around Sebastian beaming at him before hiding his wide grin into the other man’s chest. What he really wanted to do was kiss him, right here, no matter what the rest of the world thought.

He hated that small voice of reason that stopped him. 

News about his upcoming divorce hadn’t gotten out. Blaine wasn’t sure how Santana had managed to convince Kurt to keep quiet at least until this last show. She had crafted a statement that would be published in a few days, that they had decided to part ways and wished each other the best, asking for respect and privacy. He still couldn’t quite believe that Kurt would be willing to post it, wouldn’t at some point state the truth, laying the blame where it belonged.

But it didn’t matter. He’d deal with these things if and when they happened. And sure, that might mean keeping his new relationships off the radar for some time. Honestly, the longer he could keep something just for himself, just for them, the better. It would come out sooner or later, hopefully at a time people wouldn’t care as much about his private life anymore. Until then, he could be smart, and discrete.

Sebastian understood, just a glint in his eyes telling Blaine what he actually wanted to do right now. Well, he thought with a shudder, they could wait a few more hours. Until then, he’d take the embrace.

“I can’t believe it,” he said right into Sebastian’s ear.

“You deserve it,” Sebastian said, his voice so low that it was only meant for Blaine. “You earned it. Do you have any idea how proud of you I am?”

The funny thing was, he could actually believe it.

“Thank you, Sebastian.” He wasn’t quite sure what for. Maybe for getting him this far, to victory, or for waking him up, giving him the strength to stand up for himself and walk away.

But as he turned towards the host, his competitors, the rest of the world, he felt like with Sebastian’s hand still in his, he was ready to take on the rest of his life.


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, finally at the end. It's been quite the ride for me, and I hope you enjoyed it all the same. I've literally never been this obsessed with writing something before, as I was with this story. So thank you all for reading, and giving this a chance, and special thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts with me, and of course especially @liloandsoon for the prompt that made all of this happen.  
> And now, for the conclusion.

* * *

_“…and for some less fortunate news, let’s turn to musical theater, where news has reached us that Broadway actor and recent Dancing With The Stars Champion Blaine Anderson has moved out of the home he shares with his husband Kurt Hummel, soon to appear as Victor Frankenstein in Jacqueline Daniel’s latest production. While there hasn’t been an official statement, sources close to the couple seem to expect a permanent split…”_

_“Netflix announces a new mini-series, and we are here for it. News is out about their latest adaptation of the Polish fantasy book series turned international video game success, The Witcher. The eponymous title character, Geralt of Rivia, will be played by none other than Superman himself, Henry Cavill. Why we care about this, apart from the obvious aesthetic reasons? Well, a little bird has told us that the cast will be joined by Broadway’s favorite Disney prince, Blaine Anderson, as the Witcher’s equally charming and annoying bard sidekick Dandelion. Now, what can we expect?”_

_“Coming soon, the newest Jacqueline Daniels production, Modern Prometheus – Frankenstein. Once again playing lead is Kurt Hummel, last seen on tour as the title character in The Picture of Dorian Gray.”_

_“We’d like to use this platform to address the recent news about Blaine moving out of our apartment. Unfortunately, the rumors floating around are indeed true, and we’re sad to tell you that we’ve begun divorce proceedings. After nine years married, you can imagine it’s hard for both of us to admit that we aren’t working. But at some point, there’s no point in lying to ourselves, or you. We’re aware this comes as surprise to most of you. We’re both private persons, and wouldn’t want to put any struggles out into the public. But the truth is that we’ve grown apart too much. We’d like to thank all our fans for your support so far, but at this point we can only ask to respect our privacy in this matter, and of course, we hope you’ll keep supporting us on our separate paths.”_

* * *

_i’m crying guys #klaine4ever #klainevorce_

_i knew it. look at them. so obviously something going on there #seblaine #dancingwiththestars #klainevorce_

_would explain why @kurtelizabethhummel skipped the finale #klainevorce_

_#klainevorce ? …god, i hate you people_

_about time #saveblaine #klainevorce_

_i’m not using that. you can’t make me. also, here’s a photomontage of geralt and dandelion with the faces of henry cavill and @blainetheanderson #thewitcher #blaineanderson_

_so… what about this? “@blainetheanderson seen repeatedly at the apartment of @s.smythe” #seblaine_

_or maybe he’s staying at a friend’s? calm down people. these are real people, not fictional characters._

_okay but what if… there was only one bed? #seblaine_

_…i hate you. i’m muting you now. (…would read it though #seblaine)_

* * *

_“First photos from the set of the Witcher showing Henry Cavill as Geralt of Rivia, with co-star Anya Chalotra as Yennefer of Vengeberg, and Blaine Anderson as Jaskier, the bard”_

_“…the interviewer at least attempted to get some tea, but asked about his current divorce proceedings, or being seen in Paris with his former dance tutor, Blaine smiles and refuses comment.”_

_“Jacqueline Daniels productions in hot water over harassment allegations against financial partner Glenn Larsson”_

_“Frankenstein opening night postponed over new allegations…”_

_“Criminal investigation has been opened against Larsson from Jacqueline Daniels productions…”_

_“With Jacqueline Daniel’s latest production postponed indefinitely, the cast is facing an uncertain future. We’re here with Kurt Hummel, planned to play the lead role of Victor Frankenstein. Kurt, it appears that the first accusers were emboldened by your husband’s outburst against Greg Larsson. Does he, too, have a story to come forward with?”  
“Ex-husband, actually. And no, he doesn’t. He’d always say he had a bad feeling about Glenn – which, sure, in retrospect was spot on – but nothing happened.”  
“Can you be sure, though, that he would have told you?”  
“Well, what do I know, not like he told me about his affair either.”  
“…wait, his what?”  
“…this interview is over.”_

_“…asked about his ex-husband’s accusations, Blaine once more declines comment, although he looks a lot less happy this time…”_

* * *

_so… #seblaineendgame anyone? i mean… it *has* to be him, right?_

_i can’t believe @blainetheanderson cheated. i’m so angry right now. and then put @kurtelizabethhummel through the charade of that statement like it was just mutual growing apart. just, gross #kurtdeservesbetter_

_and he’s getting away with it, too. hey, @netflix, #cancelblaine #kurtdeservesbetter_

_can we not? that’s a private matter, and we don’t even know anything about what really happened #leaveblainealone #klaineareover #getoverit_

_@kurtelizabethhummel has treated @blainetheanderson like a purse to put on or put away whenever it suited him, can you really blame him for finding someone else? #saveblaine #getoverit_

_i honestly don’t care, i’m just super hyped for #thewitcher #jaskierforlife_

_why is he called jaskier anyway? thought it was dandelion? #thewitcher_

_it’s the original polish name, it literally means buttercup and can you imagine a better name for @blainetheanderson? #thewitcher #buttercup_

_so what you don’t care at all that he’s a cheater? #cancelblaine #kurtdeservesbetter_

_short answer, no. long answer, let me go through my #saveblaine collection, all put together in this beautiful little video essay[www.youtube.com/watch?v](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v)...._

_that’s a compilation of all #seblaine dances…_

_at least not rick astley…_

_Guys… did you see this? #seblaine #likeforreal #budapestairport_

_oh. my. god. #seblaineendgame_

* * *

_“Every season, Dancing With The Stars has this one couple, where half of America is convinced that they’re this close to running off together. And every season, the show ends without the scandal we secretly hoped for. Not this time, though. Our next story is about former Broadway darling Blaine Anderson, last seen as Prince Hans in Frozen, and turned real-life villain for some fans after filing for divorce from his high school sweetheart Kurt Hummel, who recently revealed that grounds for their split was an affair Blaine had. Speculations have run wild, but now, a short video and a series of snapshots from Budapest Airport seem to confirm what – well, half of America has secretly been waiting to see. The Dancing With the Stars champions reunited, as Sebastian Smythe – currently employed at the French newspaper Le Monde – arrives in Budapest, to find Blaine waiting for him, greeting him in a way that should put all speculation about the status of their relationship to rest.”_

* * *

_vindicated! #seblainekiss #seblaineendgame_

_wow. just… wow. i’m done with him. #cancelblaine_

_stop trying to make #cancelblaine happen. it’s not going to happen. couples divorce. divorced people move on. get over it already._

_i really don’t know if i can support this, though…_

_was @blainetheanderson personally asking you for relationship advice? look, just because you follow him on twitter doesn’t make him your friend. let him live his life, watch his shows or don’t, but stop acting like he’s betrayed you personally._

_well, i know i don’t want to support a cheater._

_i mean… look at him. look at that smile. i think he can live with that. #saveblaine #seblaineendgame_

_let’s all remember, we don’t know the background. you can’t look into people’s minds, no matter how much you see of their social media. i just really want him to be happy. and yeah, that smile… i think he might be. #saveblaine_

_he does seem happier. and honestly… it’s what i wanted for him. #saveblaine #seblaine #happinessforblaine_

* * *

The airport around him was buzzing as always. Even as exhausted as he was, Blaine found it to be kind of relaxing, just another reminder that the world kept turning. Maybe a trite observation, but over the last months, this had become something reassuring. Life went on. It was just that simple.

His phone buzzed, and he quickly closed twitter to read the text from Sebastian. Apparently, traffic was crazy as hell, but he was on his way. It was okay, really. Blaine had been surprised himself that his flight had been on time. There were worse things than to wait a bit. And really, as he learned during the last few months, some things were worth the wait.

As he scrolled through his phone, his attention was only half on the screen. With one ear, he listened to the noise around him – airport announcements, first in French, followed by English, the fast conversations of which he barely understood more than a few words… His French had never been the best, and shooting the Witcher hadn’t given him much opportunity to study, but he’d done what he could. He thought he could read well enough, but listening and speaking were still a challenge.

Well, what better way to deal with that then head-on?

Honestly, he felt like he could deal with anything, and that was just partly because he was too tired to care. Mostly, he thought there was something reassuring about the thought, like the buzz of the airport was just another reminder that no matter what, life went on.

For so long, he’d been sure that if it stopped, his whole life would be derailed. His family, his friends, his career, his friends… For too long, he’d tried to make the impossible work, just because he’d been too afraid.

Looking back these past few months, he honestly felt a bit embarrassed about how scared he’d been. Granted, things could have been a lot worse than they actually turned out, and he was very aware that he had Santana to thank for that.

After walking out on Kurt, he’d been sure that a storm would follow. To this day he didn’t know what Santana had told Kurt to stop him from completely destroying Blaine’s reputation. But whatever it had been, it had worked out somehow. Sure, it hadn’t been exactly a surprise when Kurt lost his patience eventually and aired his grievances, but by that time people had gotten used to the thought of their separation. There still had been a backlash, but Blaine was very aware how much worse that could have been.

Blaine had considered defending himself, explaining everything, but eventually he’d followed both Santana’s and Sebastian’s advice and instead just opted to refuse comments. It had been hard as hell, but looking back, he had to admit they had been right. What could he really have told the world that would have made him look better? He was the one at fault here, and all the extenuating circumstances would only make him – and Kurt, for that matter – look even worse. He’d have to explain how fake their relationship had been, and the knowledge how much of their relationship had been an act would follow both of them a lot longer than the shade of Blaine having an affair.

Lots of actors had affairs, Sebastian had said, and it wasn’t like Brad Pitt for example had never had a career after his divorce. Not to mention Blaine wasn’t anywhere near that level of fame. Their bubble had been pretty exclusive for Broadway. And sure, from what Santana had told him, he probably wouldn’t be too lucky if he looked for roles there anytime soon.

But honestly, Blaine could live with that. Somehow, against all reason and fairness, he’d landed on his feet. Artie had gotten his show through and stuck with him as the Witcher’s bard sidekick. Shooting had been hard, but rewarding in a way Blaine had actually forgotten. Not to mention, working with Henry Cavill of all people, and seriously, how cool was that?

By now, Blaine was pretty confident that the show would be successful. Not completely epic maybe, but it would do well, and it would certainly open some doors. He remembered Cooper’s reaction to these news, enthusiastically telling him that Hollywood was way more promising than Broadway anyway, and Blaine could do worse than pursue what his brother called an actual career.

Not to say he’d gotten away scot free. He certainly lost a bunch of fans through ending his marriage, especially once the affair came to light. Santana’s words about camps seemed more obvious than ever, and while that meant he had some people willing to defend him against everything, it also meant there was a whole camp of people out for his blood once it came out that he’d cheated on Kurt. And then, of course, there had been some amazing peacemakers, reminding people that they didn’t know the details, or others willing to show some understanding towards Blaine. They were in a minority, but had definitely helped with all the drama.

Still, there had been a viciousness he hadn’t foreseen. Anger. Insults. The things he was called…

It didn’t feel good, obviously, but… it was so unfair. Blaine wanted to defend himself, but even he’d known that it was pointless. How could he tell anyone that his connection to Sebastian was real, that it wasn’t just about sex, that this meant so much to him? Clearly, the people who came up with all those colorful names for him wouldn’t care to hear.

Sebastian was right, he told himself again and again. It wasn’t their business. And really, he didn’t want to let these people into his relationship with Sebastian, into his life at all. This was something he was very sure of. He wanted boundaries, and his personal life would be off limits from now on.

So sure, he and Sebastian would be seen together sometimes. He didn’t mean to hide his relationship from the world forever. But to use it, promote it like he had with his marriage – that was off the table, once and for all. And hopefully, moving on, the fans who sticked with him would respect that.

If not… well, he knew where his priorities lay.

In his private life, he’d fared better. To his surprise, he hadn’t really lost a lot of friends. Rachel had taken a step back, and really, he could understand that, given how close she and Kurt were. Tina had come through for him more than he could have hoped for, her and Artie on his side – if not condoning his affair, then definitely supporting him in stepping away from a relationship that had turned toxic. Most importantly, Sam had been the friend he didn’t deserve once more, not even holding the shadow of a grudge considering Blaine had withdrawn, tried to ignore his advice for so long. Santana, of course, had basically turned into his fairy godmother, working overtime to keep the worst of the backlash away from him, while Brittany didn’t really seem to care too much. That was definitely the stance of the most of New Directions, his found family still supporting him despite his affair.

Family, of course, was a bit of a touchy subject. He hadn’t even talked to Burt in months. Once, he’d gathered the courage to call, and of course, Kurt had shared the whole sordid tale. Blaine had apologized, not made an attempt to shift blame or escape responsibility. He’d admitted his mistakes, just tried to give some context. Burt had sounded tired, and sad. It didn’t seem like he hated Blaine, and he’d like to imagine that the older man hadn’t been completely surprised that things had turned into a mess. Still, it had been obvious that this was the end of the way for them.

Blaine tried to tell himself it was okay. He still had his own family, who had his back. His mom and Cooper, like he had expected, hadn’t been that fazed by the divorce. Weird enough, his father had been the one to understand the most how hard this was. Maybe, through it all, they’d even manage to form a closer bond.

Still, losing Burt as a father figure… that had hurt. Still did, really.

Then again, realizing that he lamented the loss of his father-in-law more than the loss of his husband, just cemented that he’d made the right decision in walking away.

With a sigh, Blaine tried to shake away this thought. Actions led to consequences, and this was one of them. It should be enough that his former in-laws didn’t seem to hate him.

Really, the worst hatred seemed to come from people who didn’t even know him, only had an image of who he was. Strange, how the people most invested in his failed relationships were people that had nothing to do with it.

Sebastian would probably tell him something about parasocial relationships. Although… as Blaine kept scrolling through twitter, he was very aware of what his boyfriend would actually say. To put away the phone and stop looking at this trash.

He still kept scrolling, and his fell to one particular post.

_#relationshipgoals #seblaine_

Underneath the text there was a picture of him and Sebastian, the one that had convinced the public they were together. It was shot at Budapest airport, when they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and Blaine had been just too overwhelmed with how happy he was about their reunion, that he hadn’t given much attention to the possibility of someone recognizing him. Someone had gotten a video of their kiss, followed by a series of snapshots. This one was from after the kiss, when he’d just pulled back. Blaine wasn’t sure he’d seen it before, the way they looked at each other, just completely open, relaxed, and… happy.

He tried to stay away from it all, keep out of the discourse and judgment about his relationship. Still, with this one, he tapped the like symbol. If this made his day, maybe he could return the favor.

“God, you’re such an addict.”

Blaine’s head jerked up, and he burst into a smile so wide it almost hurt once his eyes fell onto the form of Sebastian, standing right in front of him, and looking back at him with so much fondness, he still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Come on, put that away. You don’t have to read all that rubbish,” Sebastian continued.

In an instant, Blaine was on his feet and in Sebastian’s arms, his phone forgotten. He pulled back, allowing himself a moment to just look at Sebastian. With shooting being so busy, they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and skype just wasn’t the same. Honestly, Blaine felt like he could just drown in Sebastian’s eyes.

His boyfriend didn’t seem to share the sentiment, instead bowed down and brought their lips together in a kiss, and… yes, this was a better idea.

There was still a little voice at the back of Blaine’s head that was dubious about the public display of affection, but he pushed it down. After all, there was no point in hiding his relationship, just like he refused to put it right into the public. Both were just another way of other people deciding over his life.

Sebastian was his, and he refused to let anyone dictate the course of this relationship.

“I missed you,” he whispered against Sebastian’s lips before kissing him again.

“Good,” Sebastian replied, “so you hopefully won’t get sick of me anytime soon.”

And Blaine… he couldn’t help laughing. As Sebastian pulled him into an embrace, he felt calm. Like this was exactly where he belonged.

“Let’s get you home, killer,” Sebastian muttered into his curls.

Home… Blaine really liked the sound of that.

The path home took them through what he had to admit was insane Parisian traffic, as Blaine talked about the shoot, and more importantly, the downtime shenanigans at Hungarian bars with Tina, Artie and Henry Cavill. Sebastian listened, and laughed, and for once, Blaine felt like he didn’t have to hold back.

Eventually, Sebastian parked and led him towards the apartment.

For now, Blaine was between jobs again. He didn’t worry financially. He’d be comfortable for a while, at least until he found something new. For now, he would stay in Paris, with Sebastian. He’d take French classes and improve his language skills, and just get used to his new relationship. As far as his career went… Well, Santana had gotten him a European agent, who’d help him get settled. There were productions in Europe as well. But for now, he wanted to focus on his private life.

Sebastian’s apartment reminded him a lot of the one he’d had in New York, functional but cozy. The idea of living here filled him with excitement, just like everything else about this new life. It would take a while until he was settled, but he enjoyed it more than he ever thought possible. Right now, he felt like he could do anything.

For so long, he’d felt chained down. Just the idea of spreading his wings was… beautiful.

While he looked around, Sebastian had gone to the kitchen. He returned with two glasses filled with a slightly yellowish liquid.

“Whiskey Sour,” Blaine said softly.

Sebastian shrugged. “Seemed appropriate.”

It felt almost strange to be reminded of that, in a way the beginning of them, that stormy night in January, more than a year ago. And sure, Blaine knew it had been wrong. But looking back, he couldn’t not be grateful that Sebastian had reached out to him, transformed his life, brought back the sun, and light and warmth.

“Did you know?” Blaine asked. “Back then, did you have any idea this was where we’d end up?”

Sebastian looked to him, and there was something soft in his eyes. “Couldn’t have guessed it. But maybe it’s better this way.”

“Why’s that?”

“If you’d known… tell me you wouldn’t have walked right out of the bar the second you saw me.”

Blaine stared, and that lump in his throat was back. Thinking back to that night… what his life had been like back then… He hated to admit it, but Sebastian had a point. He’d been too scared to change anything.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Sebastian said. He stepped closer, and brushed a hand over Blaine’s cheek. “I can’t promise you I wouldn’t have done the same. We just… needed time. That’s not a bad thing.”

“I’m glad, though,” Blaine said. “I may not have been ready back then. And I don’t know if I would have had the courage to get here if I knew where I was going…”

“But we made it here,” Sebastian said, a wistful smile on his face.

Blaine found himself mirroring it without even thinking about it. He knew a lot of his past choices were beyond questionable. But for this result… maybe it was worth it. He put his glass aside, and slid his arms around Sebastian’s waist, stepping into his embrace.

“It’s going to be okay,” Sebastian said.

With a smile, Blaine pulled back just enough so he could look into the other man’s face. “It already is,” he said.

The way Sebastian looked at him was full of warmth, as he brushed a wayward curl out of Blaine’s face. “I love you,” he said. “You know that, right?”

“I do,” Blaine said, pressing a short, soft kiss to the corner of Sebastian’s mouth, another one, then properly caught his lips before pulling back once more. “I love you, too.”

It felt good to say it, just let the feeling turn into words, without having to hold back. For so long, his life had been spinning around him, out of control. He’d been scared, paralyzed, frozen. Even as that life kept draining his energy, and happiness, and vitality, he hadn’t dared to see what would happen when it stopped.

As it turned out, life went on. Slower, with new adversities, and sure, some parts were still hard. But he had love, and warmth, room to breath and make is own decisions. He may not know where his life was going exactly, but right now, it didn’t even matter as much. For once in his life, it felt like it was just okay to be, right here, right now. Anything else would fall into place eventually.

And as he pulled Sebastian into another, deeper kiss, he couldn’t think of a better prospect.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay, where I post what I'm doing, and apparently may be accepting prompts now?


End file.
